Monday, January 04, 2021

TV: The big ripoffs

In just about every way, 2020 should come with a rebate and that's very true when it comes to streaming services.

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Streaming?  

 

In 2008, that meant you went to NETFLIX online and streamed STARZ live -- that's all they offered -- or you went to HULU and caught up on programs from FOX, ABC and NBC as well as some older films -- like Doris Day's CAPRICE and Vincent Price's DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE.  You needed WiFi and, after dial up, it seemed so modern and of the moment to stream on HULU or NETFLIX.  Things have certainly changed -- but NETFLIX and HULU remain the leaders -- this despite the fact that a new streaming service seems to forever be sprouting.


Despite so many new offerings, there is so little being actually offered and that's especially true of the two newest streamers.  In fact, if PEACOCK and DISNEY+, for example, had any ethics at all, they'd refund the monthly payments subscribers made in 2020 in full.  They're kidding themselves if they think they did anything to deserve those payments.


Talk to any exec at either and be told that it was hard to get new content during the pandemic.  Really?  DISNEY+ launched in 2019 and was promising MARVEL content that we never did see, did we?  PEACOCK?  It launched in July of 2020 and, if it wasn't ready, it shouldn't have launched.  They threw on a lot of programs that aired on various British channels (already had aired) and pretended that this was original content.  Original scripted programming?  They had three for all of 2020.  There was the kids show CLEOPATRA IN SPACE, the continuation of NBC's 90s kid show (SAVED BY THE BELL) and they had the awful BRAVE NEW WORLD.  And that was it.  


People paid money for this?  They were fleeced.  

 

The same is true of DISNEY+ subscribers.  2020 offered what original scripted series?  Season two of THE MANDALORIAN, season one of THE RIGHT STUFF and the 'comedy' DIARY OF A FUTURE PRESIDENT.  Not one new MARVEL program aired.  MUPPETS NOW?  A new program, yes, but DISNEY+, for some reason, classifies it as "unscripted."  They promised so much, remember?  WANDAVISION, LOKI, HAWKEYE, MS. MARVEL, THE FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER . . .   None of those emerged in 2020.  (Two are scheduled for 2021.)  In the midst of the pandemic, when HBO and a few others made some content available for free, greedy DISNEY couldn't do that and they also couldn't deliver what they promised in 2020.  Where did that $500 million spent on original content go?

 

APPLE+ is a minor service but it managed to offer original series including HOME BEFORE DARK, TRUTH BE TOLD, AMAZING STORIES, DEFENDING JACOB, LITTLE AMERICA, TRYING, LITTLE VOICE, MYTHIC QUEST: RAVEN'S BANQUET, TED LASSO and CENTRAL PARK.  

 

Is there a reason that PEACOCK and DISNEY+ weren't even able to match APPLE+'s amount of new, original content?

 

Established services didn't have these problems.  

 

HULU?  They offered original scripted shows: LITTLE FIRES EVERYWHERE, MONSTERLAND, HELSTROM, THE HARDY BOYS, HIGH FIDELITY (which DISNEY+ was supposed to offer), THE GREAT, LOVE VICTOR (which DISNEY+ was supposed to offer), WOKE, CROSSING SWORDS and ANIMANIACS -- and that's not including the offerings from their joint-productions with FX (A TEACHER, DEVS and MRS. AMERICA).  

 

NETFLIX?  Original scripted series: THE CROWN, OZARK, NARCOS: MEXICO, THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY, CRIMINAL: UK, VIRGIN RIVER, LOCKE & KEY, THE LETTER TO THE KING, OUTER BANKS, SWEET MAGNOLIAS, BLOOD AND WATER, HOMEMADE, WARRIOR NUN, CURSED, YOUNG WALLANDER, RATCHED, THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR, SOCIAL DISTANCE, GRAND ARMY, THE QUEEN'S GAMBIT, DASH & LILY, SELENA: THE SERIES, TINY PRETTY THINGS, BRIDGERTON, ON MY BLOCK, SEX EDUCATION, AFTER LIFE, DEAD TO ME, MR. IGLESIAS, FAMILY REUNION, TEAM KAYLIE, THE POLITICIAN, MEDICAL POLICE, THE HEALING POWERS OF DUDE, GENTFIELD, THE ILIZA SHLESINGER SKETCH SHOW, BREWS BROTHERS, #blackAF, NEVER HAVE I EVER, SPACE FORCE, THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB, GAME ON: A COMEDY CROSSOVER EVENT, JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS, THE DUCHESS, SNEAKERHEADS, EMILY IN PARIS, AUNTY DONNA'S BIG OL' HOUSE OF FUN, HOW TO RUIN CHRISTMAS: THE WEDDING, F IS FOR FAMILY, BIG MOUTH, PARADISE PD, TRAILER PARK BOYS: THE ANIMATED SERIES, THE MIDNIGHT GOSPEL and THE LIBERATOR.


Again, what happened to the $500 million DISNEY+ had dedicated to new programming?


B-b-but what about movies!!!!


What about them?  Do we want to note how many original films NETFLIX delivered?  


And films is where DISNEY+ and PEACOCK should have beat NETFLIX easily.  No, not with original content but with catalogue content.  DISNEY+ has DISNEY films and a host of other films that they present as "DISNEY" (20TH CENTURY FOX's HELLO DOLLY, MGM's THE WIZARD OF OZ, etc) and PEACOCK is part of NBC-USA-UNIVERSAL which gives it all of the UNIVERSAL catalogue.  So where are the films?


NETFLIX's movie THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES II was a big hit and it's no surprise, Kurt Russell has quite a following (team him with Goldie Hawn, and even more so).  So why has DISNEY refused to put their classic films starring Kurt on DISNEY+?  


In the 70s, Kurt was to DISNEY what Bette Midler was to DISNEY in the 80s.  He was their biggest star. 


And, yes, the streaming service does offer two 70s hits -- THE COMPUTER WORE TENNIS SHOES and THE STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD.  But where's NOW YOU SEE HIM, NOW YOU DON'T?  Or THE BAREFOOT EXECUTIVE, SUPERDAD, CHARLEY AND THE ANGEL and FOOLS' PARADE?  Or his 60s DISNEY films like FOLLOW ME, BOYS!, MOSBY'S MARADUERS (with Peggy Lipton), THE ONE AND ONLY, GENUINE, ORIGINAL FAMILY BAND (Goldie Hawn's first film), THE HORSE IN THE GRAY FLANNEL SUIT and GUNS IN THE HEATHER?

 

60s DISNEY?  Where's Hayley Mills?  They offer only THAT DARN CAT!, THE PARENT TRAP and THE MOON_SPINNERS. Where's POLLYANNA?  IN SEARCH OF THE CASTAWAYS? SUMMER MAGIC? 

 

They could have more than made up for their lack of original content by digging deep into their film archives and offering more classics.  But they didn't go that.  And they now have more or less the exact same classic films that they offered when they first started streaming.

 

Again PEACOCK?  It has the UNIVERSAL movies.  But, outside of Alfred Hitchcock, you wouldn't know that by visiting the streaming service.  And should you choose to explore some of the stronger comedy offerings they have -- like an Abbott and Costello classic or two, grasp that they're going to immediately recommend -- based on your fondness for that comedy duo -- that you would enjoy SAVED BY THE BELL: WEDDING IN LAS VEGAS.  No one would enjoy that and certainly not anyone that enjoys the comedy of Abbott and Costello.

 

While some of the Alfred Hitchcock films, some of the Abbott and Costello films and some of the classic monster films are up at PEACOCK, that's not even a healthy sample of their film library.  Where's BUSTIN' LOOSE, THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE, THE WIZ, TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, PILLOW TALK, FEMALE ON THE BEACH, AMERICAN GRAFFITTI,T MY FAVORITE BLONDE, THE PALEFACE -- and many more?


Here's the kicker, though, even if they had those and other films, you'd have a hard time finding them.


In this, year 2021, if you want to search on PEACOCK?  You have to search by title.  You can't type in Mae West or Bob Hope or any actor's name or director's name.  Now if you type in "Alfred Hitchcock," it will produce 2 programs: ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS and THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK HOUR.  It will not, however, list the films by Hitchcock that PEACOCK carries.


This is how you run a streaming service?


B-b-but some of it's free!!!!


True of THE ROKU CHANNEL as well.  True that they have an awful search function and true that some of their content is free.  But even so, THE ROKU CHANNEL offers much more to watch and it's easier to find.  Classic TV?  THE ADDAMS FAMILY, THE FLYING NUN, THE NANNY, THE PATTY DUKE SHOW, THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW, NEWS RADIO, FLIPPER, the sixties live-action BATMAN and JUST SHOOT ME. Film?  CAT BALLOU, THE MAN FROM UNCLE, INCEPTION, SOUL FOOD, THE MISFITS, DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS, NOBODY'S FOOL, YENTL, THE CONVERSATION, CONTACT, PRIMAL FEAR, ABSOLUTE POWER, MOONSTRUCK, SHAFT,

 

Free?  PLUTO TV offers films like UPTOWN GIRLS, BRIDGET JONES'S BABY, A MOST WANTED MAN, SCREAM 3, DEAD RINGERS, THE REMAINS OF THE DAY, LEAVING LAS VEGAS, RICHARD PRYOR: HERE AND NOW, THE BELLBOY, THE AFRICAN QUEEN, MEMENTO, CLUE, ARRIVAL, FATHER GOOSE, OPERATION PETTICOAT, MOMMIE DEAREST, THAT TOUCH OF MINK, THE AGE OF INNOCENCE, HOUSEBOAT, THE PRINCE OF TIDES, TO CATCH A THIEF and THE WAY OF THE DRAGON.  TV shows?  THE NANNY, THE STEVE HARVEY SHOW, THREE'S COMPANY, DESIGNING WOMEN, DAWSON'S CREEK, 3RD ROCK FROM THE SUN, THE FACTS OF LIFE, THE RIFLEMAN, DARK SHADOWS, THE ADDAMS FAMILY, EXTANT and THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. 

 

Free?  CRACKLE offers TV shows including THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW, BEWITCHED, CHARLIE'S ANGELS, THE CRITIC, THE MANY LOVES OF DOBIE GILLIS, JUST SHOOT ME, NEWS RADIO, WHAT'S HAPPENING!!, WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW!!, SANFORD, THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY, (original series) CHOSEN, (original series) CLEANERS and (original series) ROB RIGGLE'S SKI MASTER ACADEMY.  Films?  AFTERGLOW, THE BAD NEWS BEARS, BERNIE, BON BOYAGE CHARLIE BROWN, CARNAGE, THE DISORDERLY ORDERLY, EDDIE GRIFFIN: YOU CAN TELL 'EM I SAID IT!, FANCY PANTS, FAY GRIM, FUN WITH DICK AND JANE (the one with Jane Fonda, not the awful remake), GUILT TRIP, THE HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS, THE NAKED GUN 2 AND 1/2,  PUNCHLINE, MINORITY REPORT, SHADE, TRAITOR, FREEDOM ROAD, THE GHOST IN THE DARKNESS, IN A LONELY PLACE, LAUREL CANYON, SUNSET PARK, WAR AND PEACE, ZODIAC, THE ART OF WAR 2: BETRAYAL, FUTURESPORT, BERSERK AND THE BLOB are among the films.


So for PEACOCK and DISNEY+ to be charging and to offer so damn little?


They were the biggest entertainment rip-off of 2020.






 
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