Mary McCormack plays the woman who birthed 8 children. She's also the only woman in the main cast. How does that happen? She has 8 sons.
This show is set in 1972 and rubbers have been around since 1564 but somehow McCormack's Peggy Cleary never heard of them or of the pill (available since 1960), let alone ROMPER ROOM's Miss Sherri's trip to Sweden in 1962. The biggest surprise to us is that Michael Cudlitz' face wasn't its own form of birth control -- Cudlitz recites lines for the role of Mike Cleary -- Peggy's husband.
We can't say Culdtiz acts because he doesn't.
Filmed before a live audience, Cudlitz might have been forced to deliver a comedic performance. The lack of laughter might have clued him in that he wasn't accomplishing a damn thing and that his attempt at a performance came off as slumming. He can't do comedy.
Can McCormack?
Nothing we've seen indicates that she can. We're not just referring to her past roles, we're also referring to this one. Maybe last season's ROSEANNE was such a hit because the character Roseanne was likable and not a shrew? MODERN FAMILY, FRESH OFF THE BOAT, SPEECHLESS . . . controlling shrews abound. Kids grow up, for example, on MODERN FAMILY so is there a reason that Claire can't? Julie Bowen's one note character has never grown and has resulted in an increasingly one note performance. You'd think Bowen would demand better scripts but some people are just happy to bank a check.
Claire has become an archetype for TV moms in the last decade and, if you don't find that frightening, you've clearly missed I FEEL BAD which features a cyborg delivering monologues constantly while endlessly whining about the 'pains' of having it all.
We kept expecting to hear from Mike or Peggy that they have 8 boys because they kept trying for a girl but that's apparently putting more thought into the show than Tim Doyle ever did when he created it. He also narrates it. Yes, that's right, narrates it. Because, goodness knows, we all need narration from sitcoms. Who can ever forget how the narration onf HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER and THE WONDER YEARS produced the biggest laughs of all time What's that? They didn't? Oh, right and no laughs are produced by the narration on this show either.
8 sons. We keep coming back to that. Even in the sixties, when they wouldn't let characters take the pill on sitcoms (Mary Richards on 1970's THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW was the first sitcom character to be on the pill), Fred MacMurray was only saddled with MY THREE SONS. Yes, the character Tom Bradford did have eight children but EIGHT IS ENOUGH also had an hour each week. With thirty minutes a week -- minus commercials -- there really isn't time for this large of a cast. Maybe about four or five of them could pull a Chuck Cunningham and take a trip upstairs never to be seen again?
That would certainly help viewers follow the show since there's not a lot distinguishing Stinky, Farty and Belchy Cleary from each other. No, those aren't the real names of the characters. But after seeing three episodes, we're still confused about at least five of the sons. Maybe they could wear name tags? Or, this being ABC DISNEY, Mouseketeer ears and a t-shirt with their name on it -- the way Cubby and Annette did on the old MICKEY MOUSE CLUB?
Sam Straley's easy to track as Lawrence. He was supposed to become a priest but has left seminary school -- we think it might have something to do with his hair -- specifically the Jesus 'do. Is he supposed to be the David Cassidy of the show because he really presents himself like he thinks he is -- it's too bad he lacks the charisma to succeed in his presentation. He mainly leaves us wondering if he's going to be the gay son? Catholic family, eight sons, at least one has to be gay, right? On Laurie Metcalf's THE MCCARTHYS, there were only three Irish Catholic sons and one of them was gay.
Then there's Caleb Foote's Eddie who is so tightly strung you picture him seeking out a dominatrix for stress relief.
Otherwise, it's pretty much a muddle. In fact, a better name for the show might by ABC's THE MUDDLE. We'll assume that's due to the scripts and leave the performers' names out of it because we don't critique child actors.
We do critique the muddle that Channing Dungey has made of ABC. Apparently not content with merely destroying Friday nights, Channing's going after Tuesday nights as well. ROSEANNE made it a ratings powerhouse night last season. This go round? THE CONNERS has dropped in week two (losing 26% of the viewers from week one -- we told you, Rhoda can only get married once) -- in fact, all of ABC's Tuesday night line up lost a significant number of viewers last week. Channing tried to power through preaching some sort of Nietzcheian WILL TO POWER as she explained why, despite the lousy ratings, she ordered one episode more for THE CONNERS, THE ROOKIE and, yes, THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT. Reality? She is willing to throw away millions of dollars -- it's not her money -- to try to change the conversation. One episode more for these ratings losers, she hoped, would pull the focus away from the ratings.
She really is stupid. And if you ever doubted that, prepare yourself for the ultimate proof of her stupidity. Channing's job is already on the line. To her superiors, she's touting the upcoming GRAND HOTEL as the 'hit' that will return ABC to a ratings winner?
Really?
Because we're seeing it as yet another failure in Eva Longoria's long list of failures as a producer -- MOTHER UP!, DEVIOUS MAIDS and TELENOVELA to name just three examples of her being out of touch with what viewers wanted to watch.
Despite this history, Channing's insisting GRAND HOTEL will be the next DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES but, to us, it just sounds like LOVE BOAT with a soap opera twist or, as it was known in 1983, HOTEL. The family of Aaron Spelling should sue. But they're not the only ones who should be offended. Maybe it's because one of us (Ava) is a Latina, but we're pretty much appalled that ABC thinks they can get away with a casting a single family with Mexican-Americans, Cubans, Venezuelans, etcs. Maybe to Channing it's all the same thing but we call that xenophobia.
