Monday, October 01, 2018

10 Sexless Celebs Of All Time

Stan's "Greer?" and "Not a Debbie Reynolds fan" got us thinking -- who are the ten most sexless celebrities of all time?  Clearly Debbie Reynolds and Greer Garson but who are the next eight after them?

1) Greer Garson -- if an ice cube could project . . .

2) Debbie Reynolds -- Her face remains the biggest case for Eddie Fisher falling in love with Elizabeth Taylor.

3) James Taylor -- the Ichabod Crane of rich-boy whine-rock.

4)  Stephen King -- in his deal with the devil, did he fork over 1/2 his nose?

5) Robert De Niro -- when you have no chemistry with Jane Fonda, Jessica Lange, Uma Thurman, Susan Sarandon, Angela Bassett, Meryl Streep, Ellen Barkin . . . maybe it's time you admit you've got about as much fizz in you as a can of Coca Cola left open on the bar for an hour and a half.

6)  Sarah Jessica Parker -- until some studio reboots MR. ED, there's no need to see her again.

7) Don Cheadle -- maybe it's the face that looks like half of it got lost in birth canal or maybe it's that wince every time he's required to speak dialogue -- the one that makes it look like he's taking a dump in his pants?

8) Alyssa Milano -- a yellowed Barbie doll left in the backyard for an entire summer.

9)  Tony Shalhoub -- what it would look like if Wallace Shawn had carried Ron Perlman's child.

10) Tyler Perry -- put him in pants and he loses whatever minor appeal he formerly had.

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