Sunday, October 20, 2013

The week in funny

A look back at the week in funny.


Caroline:  I can't believe we got hired so quickly.  And I can't believe I'm a medium apron.

Max:  And I can't believe I'm working for a corporate coffee place.  This might be the lowest point of my life.  And my mom once lost me in a craps game behind a casino.
-- Max (Kat Dennings)   and Caroline  (Beth Behrs)  takes brief jobs at Starbucks in order to learn how to work a new cappuccino machine (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).

Kevin Smith: Ah,  thank God,, man, I'm always so worried they're going to stick me with someone skinny and then I got to put up with their skinny stink-eye the whole flight.

Mindy: Excuse me.

Kevin Smith:  Yeah, just like that. 

Mindy: I'm sorry, sir, I am a petite Asian woman.

Kevin Smith:  So am I. Look, all I'm saying is you and me, chubs like us, we got to stick together in the sky.

Mindy:  How dare you.
-- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) takes a flight and meets director Kevin Smith (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).

Dick Butkus: I wish Halloween was eight nights!

Larry Bird: Family, a mission.  We shall take the two best holidays on this planet and combine them into one ultimate holiday.

Jackie Joyner-Kersee:  Great! I'm in! But how does one celebrate Flag Day Ramadan?

-- aliens Larry Bird (Simon Templeman), Dick Butkus (Ian Patrick) and Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye) discuss earth holidays (The Neighbors, ABC Fridays).

Jason:  So Mindy, what did you think of the movie?

Mindy: I thought it was very real. 

Jason: Okay.

Mindy:  I thought they looked like people that  would be in line behind me at the bank. I was not sure why we paid money to see it.

Jason: Okay, because for me it was refreshing to see normal people falling in love in a movie.

Mindy: I have not yet tired of seeing hot people fall in love.

Jason: Ah, so you want to see a movie where, like, Rachel McAdams is the ugly duckling who-who's always the bridesmaid but can never find Mr. Right?

Mindy: When does that movie come out? Because that sounds amazing.
-- -- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) goes out on a first date with Jason (Ben Feldman) (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).

Sydney:  Okay, so maybe I might have this recurring fantasy or something.

Andrew:  Oh.  Well we could share.

Sydney:  Okay, so I'm in Hawaii.

Andrew:  I'm listening.

Sydney:  And there's a tsunami.

Andrew:  Of course.  

Sydney:  And I'm on the beach and everyone is washed away.  But then I look up and there's one half-naked man. And that's when I realize it's the Dole executive I've been trying to meet. So I put on my blazer and give him the pitch of my life.

Andrew:  That's the single stupidest sexual fantasy I've ever heard. 

Sydney:  It's a recurring fantasy. 

Andrew:  It's about work.

Sydney:  So what?

Andrew:  It's incredibly sad. 
--  Sydney (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Andrew (Hamish Linklater) share at work (The Crazy Ones, CBS Thursdays).

Christy:  Violet, do you have any old underwear Roscoe can wear?

Violet:  Seriously?  You haven't screwed him up enough?

Christy:  It's a yes or no question.

Violet:  So was mine.

Christy:  Forget it, I'll just buy him some on the way to school.

Violet:  Uh, that reminds me, I'm going to need some money for some new jeans.  I'm like seriously bloated lately.

Christy:  Violet, you're like seriously pregnant lately .  And you have a job, you want new jeans, spend your own money.

Violet:  I'm not wasting my money on fat pants.

Christy:  Oh,, so you're okay to waste mine?

Violet:  Well I was hoping that --

Christy:  Listen, Juno, the minute you got pregnant, life as you know it ended.  It's time you got ready for the dream sucking monster which is about to shoot out of your hoo-ha and gobble up your life.

Violet:  You're a horrible woman.

Christy:  And soon you'll be one too.
--   Christy (Anna Faris) and her daughter Violet (Sadie Calvano) discuss motherhood (Mom, CBS Mondays).

Andrew:  The only reason you're criticizing her is because you don't even know her.

Sydney:  It's because I know you.  And look at you.  You're smart and funny and tall.  And you're none of those things when you're dating her.

Andrew:  She makes me less tall?

Sydney:  You know what I mean.
--  Sydney (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Andrew (Hamish Linklater) share at work on The Crazy Ones (The Crazy Ones, CBS Thursdays).

the neighbors

Amber:  So, Halloween.  I was thinking I would go as young Yoko Ono and you could go as old Yoko Ono because we already have the hair.
-- Amber (Clara Mamet) explains their couple's costume to Reggie (Tim Jo) (The Neighbors, ABC Fridays).

Caroline:  Morning, Sophie.

Sophie:  You caught me!  I'm doing the walk of shame! And you know what that means, right?  I was having sex all night with a stranger!

Max:  I had sex with a guy all night once.  At least that's what he said.  I fell asleep at ten. 

Caroline:  Sophie, come in.  We wanted to ask you something important.

Sophie:  Oh, okay.  Well I'll tell you, I don't think you're going to make it in the cupcake business.

Caroline:  Not what the psychic in the subway told me but duly noted.  Actually, it's more of a personal question.

Sophie:  Okay, well I personally don't think you're going to make it in the cupcake business.

Caroline:  No, the question's about Oleg.

Sophie:  Well yeah, he agrees with me. 

Max:  For God's sake just tell her before she tells us we're going to wind up in some disgusting apartment hiding from our pimp.

Caroline:  Okay, okay, Sophie, do you ever think about getting back together with Oleg?

-- Max (Kat Dennings)  watches Caroline  (Beth Behrs)  try to play matchmaker with Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge) on Oleg's behalf  (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).


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