Sunday, March 25, 2007

Parody: Mud Flap Gals



March 25, 2007



I don't have all the facts yet, but I've just found out we're about to lose one of our biggest supporters on the bench! Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who has fought tooth and nail to advance our rights to be reproductively free, is retiring.

I'm searching the wires for this story but don't see anything yet so this may be an EXCLUSIVE! I overheard a couple talking about it at the bar last night. I always liked Sandra Day, she was a calming voice. Especially when she sang "Good Morning Heartache." Veronica asked us to all try to write about a "big topic" today because she said someone called our site "trite, frivilous and reads as though it was written by a sex-obsessed teenager."

-- Trixie

UPDATE: Sandra Day O'Connor has retired! I'll be posting a list of my favorite tracks of all her recordings shortly.

UPDATE 2: I've just been informed that Sandra Day was not the singer I was thinking of. I was thinking of Billie Holiday. Woops! My bad. But she still fought harder than anyone else who ever served on the Court for our reproductive rights. I think she was appointed by Clinton.

UPDATE 3: Turns out, this isn't an exclusive. Sandra Day O'Connor actually retired awhile back. She announced her intent to retire on July 1, 2005. I missed that because I'd just graduated and was about to start law school. I was blowing off steam in Rome! Believe me, you don't not know how hard it is to be a girl and go to college. I needed that trip. I was so busy blogging twice daily on my trip for three weeks and posting pictures of myself in bikinis that I must have completely missed the fact that Justice O'Conner retired. But at least we're all learning about it now, right? If you missed those posts from two years ago, I have collected all 196 photos of myself on the beach that I posted. You can click here for my Flikcr Photo Album entitled, "Screw You, I'm In Law School."
posted at 7:27 a.m.

What is with this obsession with sex that men have? Anna Nicole Smith is dead. Australia's Herald-Sun is reporting that sex is now a turn off to Anna Nicole Smith. Well, doh! She's dead. First they came for Jon-Benet Ramsey and I said nothing, then they came for Anna Nicole . . . I haven't been so offended since Newsweek didn't apologize to Susan Faludi last year!

-- Cindi
posted at 7:15 a.m.

A number of e-mails have come in and comments been left (commenting is now closed until further notice!) suggesting that I might have been wrong to slam someone else for what I saw as a lack of appreciation for body diversity. It was pointed out that I am White. I have no idea what that's supposed to have to do with anything, but, yes, I am a white girl.

It was further pointed out that our site's logo pictures women on Mud Flaps and that the women are obviously White. Well I don't see how anyone can tell that. I think some people are reading just a wee bit much into a logo. When I slammed Eve Ensler, I did it out of love, out of respect, and out of intelligence! This nonsense suggesting that my logo of the site I started is non-inclusive is just a bunch of f**king sh*t, if you ask me. What was I supposed to do? Find some chic with a 'fro? Would that have made any of you happy?

If you take a look at my posts this morning, you'll see I'm very inclusive. I have covered politics, an actress, a singer, an actress-singer, a singer, a guy who is not hot, a legal like lawsuit for God's sake, the difficulties of being a mother when you're a famous singer, and I've addressed the will and wishes of the people by covering a poll. I'm not really sure what more you people want. I'm giving a feminist view and addressing feminist topics. I think we all need a break.

-- Veronica
posted at 6:32 a.m.

Rooters is reporting that Pink's latest CD is zooming back onto the charts, I'm Not Dead Yet. One listen and you'll wish she was. (Click here for my review.) If anyone's forgotten, the one time leader for young girls my age decided to step away from the worthy cause of getting the party started and write some really downer songs. Ugh. Give me the fun time girls! I know Britney's going to bounce back and return to singing and panting into the mike. I can't wait! And like me, Britney's not afraid to show some skin!

-- Veronica
posted at 6:15 a.m.

Yeah, I get naked. So what? On Thursday, I took Vanity Fair to count for their semi-latest cover (the issue's been out FOREVER but I'm a slow reader) featuring what appears to be female nudity. As a result, I have been slammed in the comments (comments are now CLOSED until further notice). It's been pointed out that my forthcoming book uses a naked woman on its cover. Partial! What's the problem. You don't even see her face. (Oh, wait, that was one of the criticisms of Vanity Fair.) And even my book title is being called into question. "What's the difference?" asked one comment. The dif is that Vanity Fair is owned by a man somewhere. My book is owned by me! Or by the publisher. I'm not really clear on that. But I made the choice to use nudity. Like Madonna, I chained myself. By choice! And if a girl wants to use nudity, that is a feminist statement. If a girl wants to show her boobs, that is feminism. I am so tired of hearing from you prudes. I think the cover, featuring a woman's naked body from hip to just below the breast is tasteful and serves to remind everyone that women are sexy and fun. And that really is the mission here at Mud Flap Gals. One troll had the nerve to write, "If Veronica had to choose between brains and boobs, she'd choose boobs!" Yeah, so what of it? And my boobs are none of your business. So screw you. It's always "whore" or "madonna" with you guys, "whore" or "madonna." Can't a girl use a mud flap for a logo without it being a federal crime? (I'll post on that shortly.) Can't a girl use nudity to sell a book? It's not even my body on the cover, people! It's some little model. So me using a woman, exploiting a woman, is saving her from being exploited by a man! When I exploit her, she's being exploited by a sister and that's the dif!

-- Veronica
5:44 a.m.

Monster & Critics reports that Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards are being sued!

Just because they both work to get attention and they both enjoy taking off their clothes and they both enjoy attention does not mean that photographers have a right to try to take their pictures out in public. This reminds me of Mardi Gras where I flashed my tits 44 times by choice and then this dude comes up to me and says, "Show 'em again." Now where the hell did he get off thinking that he could ask me to show my boobies? My body, my choice! I'm here for you Pam & Denise.

-- Veronica
5:41 a.m.

OMG! The National Ledger reports that even though Britney Spears has just been released from rehab, she is not getting custody of her kids! She has visitation but her estranged husband has custody! This is just the kind of sexism that pisses me off and why I started Mud Flap Gals to begin with.

Britney has completed rehab! The second she stepped out the door (March 20th), she should have been granted custody. It's not like she's planning to spend a lot of time on her hair (now that's she's shaved her head). So why won't the courts give her the custody she deserves? This makes me want to puke puke puke!

-- Veronica
5:40 a.m.


EntertainmentWise polled people (I don't know how many or where) and check out these results:

1 Angelina Jolie

2 Elvis Presley

3 Marilyn Monroe

4 Beyonce Knowles

5 Brad Pitt

6 Lara Croft

7 George Clooney

8 Kylie Minogue

9 Johnny Depp

10 Scarlett Johansson

Six of the ten spots are occupied by girls! We sexy, we rock, we rule, we rock ya world! Yea to home girl Lara Croft who taught me the best way to get attention was to show your boobies!

-- Veronica
5:38 a.m.

Try 3.1 on the scale. You could open a can of peaches with that chin.

-- Veronica
5:36 a.m.

The Fashion Monitor is reporting that Carmen Electra's new role as an adult movie actress required no research because, she explains, "I didn't really need to do any research for the part, like watch lots of porn films, I've already seen enough!"

She also explains that her new book (please don't let it outsell mine) is titled How To Be Sexy and she says her "number one tip for any woman would be dress up in sexy lingerie!" She's practically Albert Einstein! (And she's stolen my last chapter!)

-- Veronica
5:31 a.m.

Star Pulse News Blog reports that, despite previous reports, Hilary Duff's new CD does not contain any songs about Nicole Richie or her ex-boyfriend who now dates Nicole Richie. I like Hilary because she's like Doris Day, no matter how much make up she wears or how she tries to look different, she always look the same. I find that comforting. I think we should all try to look the same. Especially if we're blonde. And she's not afraid of taking on an acting challenge. I also like Hilary because she hates Lindsey Lohan. I hate LL too, she always seems so uppity. Who does she think she is?????????

5:29 a.m.

FemaleFirst is reporting that Madonna wants Al Gore to run for president. (Who's Al Gore?) I always listen when she speaks and I know the whole world does. As a child, her "Express Yourself" video was a touchstone. I don't know anything about this Al Gore but if Madge is endorsing him, you better believe he'll win.

5:28 a.m.

I went bar crawling. From Friday night until noon Saturday. Then I crashed. Slept it off. Crawled out of bed and over who ever I brought home. I stepped into the living room and the TV was on CNN. CNN!!! I must have really been wasted.

They were talking about a "war" and for a second I thought, "OMG, we're at war!" But then I said, "Veronica, calm down. If your country was at war, you'd know." Sure enough, it wasn't us. It was somewhere far away. The people fighting are like the Baghdidians or something. I was too busy flipping the channels to pay much attention.

I had an interesting e-mail this morning. I like games and someone e-mailed me a puzzle. They wrote that if I could guess who the person in the picture (to the right) was, they'd send me a $100. I have to admit I was stumped at first. Then the hair style gave it away -- it's Little Lucy from Peanuts! Pay up!

Besides winning an easy 100 bucks, my plan for this morning is to go through all the important news sources and give you the news that matters. That's what we're all about at Mud Flap Gals, keeping you informed about the world. We're like CNN but with cleavage! :D

-- Veronica
5:26 a.m.
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