Sunday, February 18, 2007

Arch nemises Teen Dumb Ass, junior division


Teen Dumb Ass

Secret identity: Rachel Jones

Super powers: able to issue homophobic comments on top of her usual Dumb Ass remarks. Able to clear a room or a floor with one of her lethal stink bombs.

Costume: Blue body suit with the insignia of a toilet paper roll on the chest. Sometimes uses a toilet seat cover as a cape.

Weaknesses: Anything that requires actual thought. Has a tendency to use "moreover" repeatedly due to a Dumb Blonde complex.

Origin of Dumb Ass Powers: During a PBS fund drive, Jones made the winning bid for an evening of suckling at the teet of Tony Blankly. (She was the only bidder.) She emerged from the experience with a dazed look in her eyes and a cracked view of the world. Since that day, she's decided to destroy the left "from within!"

Dumb Ass was already on our radar before she launched her "Abandoning a promise" campaign last week.

Exhibiting the type of homophobia rarely seen in print since the Rudolph Valentino "pansy scare" of the twenties, Dumb Ass trots out "pansy" and applies it Ehren Watada. It's like watching Michelle Malkin emerge from the womb.

Hurling homophobia isn't quite enough for Dumb Ass, she also feels the need to show her gretaest strength: offering opinions on things she knows nothing about.

She writes of the "commitment" "this punk" Watada signed to the Army in 2003. (At one point, she writes, "I don't mean this in a negative way," demonstrating that she thinks she has a sense of humore -- as noted, actual thought it one of her weaknesses.) She then (wrongly) explains the history. "I doubt he saw the war as 'illegal' then," she offers of his March 2003 sign up.

No, he didn't. And he's long been on record stating that he thought the war was legal. What Dumb Ass refuses to grasp is that Watada was an officer so he may have received a bit more training then her friend from high school or her brother (or maybe he just paid attention). But he was taught the UCMJ -- something that Dumb Ass is unaware of. In that, the military teaches you that it is your duty to refuse all unlawful orders.

Dumb Ass tries to wipe herself up against the military's ass and hide behind that.

But nothing hides the fact that Dumb ass is either an idiot or, in her words, "probably a liar."

Reading her dopey column we had to wonder if English majors were required to research these days because there's nothing in her Dumb Ass smear that indicates she even followed the case, let alone researched it.

After serving in Korea, Watada was told that he would be going to Iraq. He was told that it was his responsibility to learn about Iraq for himself and for the soldiers serving under him. He proceeded to do exactly that.

Only while he was researching did he come across the lies of war. (Dumb Ass earlier shared that the illegal war was based on a lie in "The times, they have a-changed: Life after 9/11.") He wasn't in the United States watching the lies be (slowly) debunked. He only discovered them as he was doing his job as an officer and researching ("researching," try it Dumb Ass) Iraq.

The war is illegal for a number of reasons, Watada has stated them clearly. Dumb Ass either doesn't know that or wants to pretend otherwise and offer that he "is just scared." (Dumb Ass apparently believes an English major allows her to double as a psych major.)

Dumb Ass tells the world that Watada "wants media attention" and that this is all a PR stunt which further reveals how little research is required to write for the Los Angeles Loyolan and how sorely editorial skills need to be taught at that university. (Dumb Ass is aided and abetted by a crew of idiots who never understood that the excuse of "It's an opinion" doesn't allow for made up 'facts.')

For the record, Watada shared his decision with the military and repeatedly attempted to work with them in private. He offered to resign. He offered to take another assignment. He goes public in June, months after attempting to work this out privately and the same month that the military's foot dragging means he will be deploying.

Dumb Ass either knows nothing or isn't telling.

Dumb Ass tells you that "the primary mission of the military" is "putting your country before yourself." We'll assume she'd have made a very good Nazi.

Dumb Ass goes on to toss around terms like "man up" proving that she can be both homophobic and sexist. Or maybe she thinks the same military she attempts to hide behind is exclusively male? What a way to honor the 71 US service members who gave their lives in Iraq -- the 71 US women.

She concludes her dippy nonsense ("Moreover, she concludes . . ."?) by stating "he shouldn't have enlisted in the first place. I hope he gets what he deserves." To which we reply: Not having grapsed the basic facts, the basic timeline or the issues at stake before pontificating, you shouldn't have shared your Dumb Ass opinion in the first place. We hope you get what you deserve which, as an English major, will no doubt mean not finding a job in your own field.

When last seen, Dumb Ass was rifling through Cliff's Notes while ranting about how "hard" reading is.
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