Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Typical Celebrity Post on Instagram (parody?)

Hey everybody!!!! Did you hear that someone dropped out of the Olympics? I don't really know anything about that or, really anything at all. But I do know how to get attention. Especially when my career's at a stand-still, you feel me?

So let me use this post to explain how I am so just like the athlete that dropped out. Exactly like her -- whatever her name was. Let's just call her "Me" because, really, isn't she?

Without any assumption to know you, Me, I feel that you -- and me -- we! -- continue to set a bar.

And while I'm celebrating people -- including me -- let me celebrate my daughter.

Just last month, I was making a joke, the way we do, you know, and I said of Elton John, "Stupid f**got." My daughter got up from the dinner table. I was all like, "C'mon, it's a joke." Because it is, you know. It's funny to call someone the f-word. And she later told me, in a letter -- because she knows I'm busy and face time with a star is limited -- how harmful she thought the word is. So as of July 2021, I am not using the term anymore. I'm like MLK or something so pat me on the back.

You know a lot of people think celebrities are out of touch but I prove that we are not. I lead the way because I am aware. That's why I'm sharing because, obviously, if I only just found out the word was wrong that means all the millions of idiots who aren't celebrities the way I am Here's a word for you: Homophobia. My daughter taught me that. It means you could get cancelled. You don't want it attached to your name -- no matter how funny you think the joke is or how much you think some little fancy nancy boy needs a come to Jesus moment. I can't tell you how many of those fancy nancy boys I used to have to straighten out in high school. Sure they cried but you know they needed it. I'm like Gandhi or Jesus or, the really big one, Oprah.

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