Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Things To Tell Mommy


Dear diary,

I'm an important person.  I am an important person.  I'm an important person.  I am an important person.

Marianne Williamson told me to repeat that.

Well, she told someone in first class to repeat that.

She wouldn't speak to me.

A lot of people are intimidated by me, Chelsea Clinton, because I've accomplished so much with my life.

There aren't a lot of people, for example, who can claim that their father was a president and their mother was a US senator.

But I can.

Because I'm a real hard worker.

And like both my parents ran a foundation.

Again, I'm an overachiever because how many people can say that?

Not many.

You really have to be able to roll your sleeves up and get to work to have my kind of accomplishments, you know.

And as I look around this first class cabin, I'm reminded of how far I've come.

I grew up in a governor's mansion.

In Arkansas.

But I didn't let that define me.

I didn't let that break me.

And, sure enough, my hard work and positive thinking paid off.

I ended up in the White House.

I know I intimidate people.

And I should.

I'm special.

I work hard.

I've accomplished so much.

Anyway, I can't find my note pad so I need to write this down here: Vanessa Bayer.

I need to tell Mommy about Vanessa.

Vanessa thought she was so funny.

"They all have on thing in common.  None of their moms are president."

I will tell Mommy, I will.

She will not be pleased.

Vanessa, we'll see how funny she thinks it is.

I'm sure Russia paid Vanessa to make that joke.

I wanted to ask her, "How does it feel to be a traitor to your country, Vanessa, you Russian whore?"

But I have too much class for that.

I'll let Mommy do the screeching.

Poor thing, she doesn't have my good breeding.  She had to work for a living.

Tres de classe, Mommy, tres de classe.


Illustration is Isaiah's THE WORLD TODAY JUST NUTS "The Clinton Piggy Bank."

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