Sunday, August 04, 2013

Old Coot In The Suit

Around the world, Susan Rice is known as a War Hawk who has multiple orgasms at the sight of blood from a fresh kill but what most people don't know is that she once aspired to be the world's worst fashion designer.  She even started a business with a friend, I Love Ugly, but a bitter dispute over which partner loved ugly more led to Susan walking away from it all.

Until . . .


WE TV came calling.  Now Susan's lousy taste is being used for the misfortune of others via her new reality series Old Coot In The Suit.

Each week, Susan Rice grabs a fashion disaster and attempts to turn it into a full fledged fashion catastrophe.

On the series debut, Rice utilizes her bad taste on special guest star Vice President Joe Biden.

"I have a speech to give where I'm going to be lying to the American people about the illegal spying," Biden explains, "and I thought I'd just utter one of my charming non-sequitors throughout to distract but Susan told me that a butt-ugly outfit would be even better, grabbing focus and allowing me to recite a speech that's now on the record but that no one will really here."

"Butt-ugly is a trademark," Susan Rice laughs.  "I'm deadly serious.  I've used butt-ugly throughout my life.  I was probably four the first time I looked in a mirror and realized what butt-ugly was.  Ever since, it's been my greatest tool.  If I can make the world just a little bit uglier, I will feel I have done my job.  In fact, if I can make just one person a little bit uglier, I will feel I have done my job."

Fashion-nasty Rice shared a few "Must Do Don'ts" with us:

1) A men's suit can never have too many buttons.  If you're jacket sports less than 13, sew some on the lapels.

2) Colors should be bright and burn the eyes.  Pimps have the right idea!

3) You should never debate Pinstripes or Patterns when buying a new suit.  Find a tailor who can mix the two!

Old Coot In The Suit premiers Monday, August 5th.
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