Sunday, October 13, 2013

The week in funny

Catherine:  Excuse me, I overheard you two asking people if they want a cat and I'd really love one.

Caroline:  Really?  Well we have your cat.

Max:  Oh now, woah, not so fast.  I've got a couple of questions first.  Do you smoke?

Cartherine:  Yes.

Max:  Drink?

Catherine:  Yes.

Max:  Prescription drugs?

Catherine:  Yes.

Max: Forget the cat, will you take me home?
-- Max (Kat Dennings) and Caroline (Beth Behrs) find themselves with a stray cat which Catherine (Crista Flanagan) wants to adopt (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).

Smiling, serious, kissing and Charlie's Angels.  Classic photo booth big four.
-- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) going through mementos of her failed relationship with Casey (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).

Marty: This is a treadmill.

Dick Butkus:  Oooooh.

Marty:  Now this is the best way to get your heart rate up.

Dick Butkus:  To do that, I usually just watch Hoda and Kathie Lee get hammered on The Today Show.

Marty: Yeah, I hear you.
-- alien Dick Butkis (Ian Patrick) tries to I Love Lucy (trick) Marty into getting into shape (The Neighbors, ABC Fridays).

Oooh! I had a bra like this once! Got me into concerts, got me into clubs, got me in the back of a limo with Fernando who I thought was a banker.  Turned out to be the limo driver.  Third time I've fallen for that.
-- Liz (Megan Hilty) takes Sean's 14-year-old daughter bra hunting (Sean Saves The World, NBC Thursdays)

Max:  No, Kitty is not going to a shelter.

Caroline:  Why?  Lots of cats get adopted and end up in beautiful homes.

Max: Look I didn't want to say this but [covering cat's ears] she's not pretty enough.

Caroline:  What are you talking about?

Max: [Covering cat's ears] She's not pretty enough.

Caroline:  Come on, she doesn't have classic good looks but she's adorkable.

Max:  We cannot take her to a shelter, [covering cat's ears] she'll die there.  And yeah everyone says they want them with a nice personality but they really just want a  hot sexy young kitten who still gets excited about balls in her face.
-- Max (Kat Dennings) and Caroline (Beth Behrs) have a stray cat issue (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).

What do you mean I don't fulfill the delivery minimum?  [Crying] I used to.
-- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) attempting to place a food order while dealing with her break up with Casey (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).

Bonnie:  Why are you being such a bitch?

Violet:  I'm just being honest.

Bonnie:  Good I'll be honest too. You're being a bitch.  And I use that word instead of the word I want to use because you're my granddaughter and I love you.

Violet:  What? So I'm supposed to make a big deal just because she's going out with some random guy?

Bonnie:  Excuse me young lady but your mother going out with some random guy is the only reason you exist.
-- Allison Janney (Bonnie) and Sadie Calvano (Violet) discuss niceties on CBS' Mom (airs Mondays).

Sue, it's just a job.  You don't have to like what you do.  It's like cleaning people's teeth or parenting.
-- Frankie (Patricia Heaton) attempts to help Sue adjust to her first job (The Middle, ABC Wednesdays).

Uhm, I've prepared a report highlighting our success with tech companies.  Uh, oh.  No, that's my Pretty Little Liars fantasy fiction.  I make them all fat and ugly.
-- Kimmie (Rebel Wilson) attends a business meeting (Super Fun Night, Wednesdays ABC).

Lorna: When Ellie's mother moved to New York, I thought, 'Finally.  This is it.  I will be the main woman in Ellie's life.'  Not this one.

Liz:  Hey, this one has a name.

Lorna:  And this one has a title: Grandmother -- a word that already has the word "mother" in it.

Liz:  You know what else has the word "mother" in it?

Sean:  Alright, you guys come on.
-- Sean (Sean Hayes) saves the moment as his mother Lorna (Linda Lavin)  and his best friend Liz (Megan Hilty) argue on Sean Saves The World (NBC, Thursdays).
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