"We had a 'Bill' too," she insists referring to her former husband William Harris, aka "Teko," "and we worked really, really hard. We had movies made about us! Not documentaries, but like movies. We were like the first reality stars, it was us and the Loud family!"
Emilay Harris grew reflective and agitated as she recounted some of her groups 'activities.'
"We plugged those two [school] administrators. That was something. And we robbed Hibernia and I mean no one ever did anything that cool in Weather. We hit Crocker National Bank too. And, I mean, like chases are the big deal these days. Last week, I saw on CNN where this woman was being chased by the pigs in a rental car she stole and I mean the press was all over that. But like, we had shoot outs, dig it. Actual shoot outs. Forget namby pamby car chases, did you see what we did at Mel's Sporting Goods?"
When pressed as to why, other than Weather Underground's affinity for Barack, endorse in a presidential primary, Harris didn't hesitate in responding.
"He wants change! Man, the whole world wants change! And I think it's really cool how he doesn't pin it down, you know? I mean change to you might be a greener America, you know? To me, it might mean a national holiday where we all get to shoot pigs, you know? I mean, I'm all for change. Besides, I hear that damn Lynette Fromme is working on a Manson Family endorsement of Barack, so I figured I better get out in front of this before all our old fans are asking, 'Well where's the Symbionese on this?'"
Asked what good her group's endorsement might do the Senator from Illinois, Harris allowed, "Well, it's not like I can vote for him. I'm stuck here in prison, you dig? But I can get the word out. So like, consider this my communique from the prison world, the Symbionese Liberation Army supports Barack Obama. We support him way more than Weather. And we were way cooler than Weather."
When it was noted that Harris never mentioned Patty Hearst, she grew despondent, "Tanya, Tanya, Tanya. That's all anybody ever cares about. Look, we did a lot of great things before we kidnapped Tanya. And we did a lot of cool things after. I'm sick of her stealing the limelight. Print this, The Symbionese Liberation Army endorses Barack Obama. 9 out of 10 revolutionaries can't be wrong."
When reached for comment, Obama responded, "I can't say to somebody that he can't say that he thinks I'm a good guy."
[Yes, this is a humorous post; no, it's not true.]
