I'm out of the game.
In 2005, the country seemed much different than it really was.
I was a college student in New York.
We were a country disgusted by the illegal war.
There was an internet that believed.
But the reality was it was an internet that hated Republicans.
MY LEFT WING, DAILY KOS, CORRENTE, all the crap asses pretended to care about the Iraq War, pretended they wanted it over.
Then they lost their voices when Barack Obama became president.
Which is why the illegal war continues.
They're all fake asses and liars.
I am proud to have been a part of this site for the last 11 years.
I just did the math and can't believe it's been 11 years.
We thought we'd be online for two or three at best.
I remember in the summer of 2005 or 2006, C.I. saying that the war would be going on still when we went dark.
Huh?
I was shocked by that thought.
But it's eleven years later and the Iraq War continues.
I honestly thought it would end and then we could devote to the Afghanistan War and calling for its end.
But both wars drag on.
And it's okay apparently.
People with convictions are shocked (rightly) by efforts at the DNC convention to drown out chants against wars with "USA! USA! USA!"
I'm not.
In Feburary 2009, I got to see Ava booed.
Ava and C.I. and Wally and Kat speak out against the wars.
They go to campuses, they go everywhere, women's groups, labor groups, you name it.
And in February 2009, Ava got booed for the first time.
And C.I. walked up and said something -- I don't remember what -- and the whole room burst out laughing.
The mood had turned sour.
C.I. saved it because she knows how to work a crowd.
The crowd booed because they were The Cult of St. Barack and they didn't want to know the truth.
If Bully Boy Bush had still been occupying the White House that the Supreme Court installed him in, these same people would have ate up what Ava and the others were saying.
Afterwards, I talked them all and C.I. said it was just like when she started speaking out against the Iraq War a month before it started in February 2003, people wanted to worship Bully Boy Bush.
And now they wanted to worship Barack.
And that went on forever.
Ava, C.I., Kat and Wally deserve real credit for speaking out during the last eight years.
I'm glad I was a part of the resistance here at this site.
But I honestly believe that the speaking to and with groups does more good than online.
I think this site has done great things.
I know Ava and C.I. have reached a ton of readers. I know they presented a feminist view point and did so at a site that wasn't necessarily a 'feminist site.'
This was a political site.
I'm a Green, I'm a feminist male, I'm a peace advocate, etc.
But this wasn't one of those sites that is geared solely to women.
And I think that makes what they've done here even more revolutionary.
They spoke to a much more diverse audience. And if you read the e-mails, you know they've made a lot of readers -- especially male ones -- rethink their views.
The internet is better off because of the work they did.
And the fearlessness they demonstrated and their refusal to play footsie offline.
You'd be surprised how many people tried to do backdoor deals with those two ladies.
I'm not talking TV people, by the way. I am talking journalists, I am talking bloggers, I am talking politicians.
But they stayed true to themselves and that's why they have a body of work they can be proud of -- a body work that is cited in so many places today -- not just online but in books.
And I hope that maybe somehow we managed to make a difference in the way people saw war.
We didn't end the Iraq War but maybe I can clutch at the hope that we made a difference in the way people saw war.
The reality is I'm no longer in college, Ava and I live together and we have a daughter.
Most weeks, our daughter's on the road with Ava.
Which is fine. I'm at work all day, it's better that she be with her mom.
But on the weekends, Ava's back home and that means I get to see my daughter.
And I'm just not into sharing that time that I could be with my daughter playing, reading, going to the park, etc., instead on these never ending bull sessions.
I love Jim and will forever. He and Ty are my two closest friends in the world.
And I love our bull sessions when we speak.
But I just can't take anymore 'writing sessions' that turn into bull sessions.
Ava and C.I. get to escape it, they go off to write their pieces.
Meanwhile, we're supposed to be working on something else and instead it turns into this wonderful and long winded conversation.
That's time I could spend with my daughter. I see Jim and Ty and Dona all week.
I'm also tired of the way we depend on Ava and C.I. and don't want to be a part of that anymore.
Their TV pieces are always the most read.
That's great.
That's the site's calling card.
But it's also a lot of pressure because either Jim's asking for an amazing TV piece to prop up a weak edition or he's asking them to write multiple pieces for an edition to make it better.
And I hope everyone realizes that Ava and C.I. have never had a week off.
The rest of us have.
We've taken a holiday or two or three off.
Ava and C.I. have carried this site in so many ways. I'm very thankful to them for that. I just don't want to be using them and more and more I feel that's where this site's headed.
I've had fun, I won't deny it.
But when I look at my favorite edition, from May of 2006, I look at the contents:
And I remember the hope I had that the Iraq War was going to be over any day.
We'd go on to do everything we were told. Later that year, for example, in November of 2006, Americans would give the Democrats control of both houses of Congress -- yea, the end of the war!!!!!
Nope.
But back then I believed.
I wish I still could.
But in the year that Hillary Queen of the Neocons is the Democratic Party's presidential nominee?
The same party that rejected her in 2008 due to her support of the Iraq War?
I feel bad that I wasn't able to stick it out here until the end of the Iraq War.
But I did give 11 years to this site.
I may return for a roundtable from time to time and I am more than willing to help anyone in the community with their own personal site if they need a break or vacation.
Otherwise?
I'm out of the game.
I'll miss reading the e-mails and communicating with readers. To those I've been fortunate enough to have shared thoughts with, thank you.
-- Jess