by Glo-Glo Steinem
Hillary Clinton, president of my vagina if not my country, has joined the recount efforts led by someone named Stein something. This Stein person doesn't matter.
If he did, I would've written about him, right?
And besides, we are a country recovering from the domestic abuse of earlier this month.
Nothing in this country's entire history has ever been as violent as the 2016 election.
And I'll spit on any Black, Brown, Yellow, Red or Purple person who says otherwise.
Like Hillary Clinton, our nation is hurting.
But she rises, like a phoenix.
I think Maya Angelou wrote a poem about that -- or maybe it was Jewel.
I can't keep up with pop culture.
I mean, the last TV show I watched was THAT GIRL.
And to me, Judy Collins is cutting edge when it comes to music.
When you're four months from turning 83-years-old, like I am, you can't keep up with much of anything that's happened in the world since Jimmy Carter was president.
I'm so accomplished.
It's my job to educate young women.
Girls can be so dumb and hormonal, after all.
Girls are just so dumb, they're always thinking "where are the boys?" -- even the lesbians.
That's why they need me to straighten them out.
Appointing myself the leader of feminism is probably the smartest thing I ever did.
It certainly shut up that old Betty Friedan and her talk about my days with the CIA.
My past matters to me.
The CIA was very, very good to me.
Sometimes, I admit just how much I love them.
Sometimes, I remember that my CIA involvement hurts my credibility.
When that happens, I lie about it and, most recently, slam THE NEW YORK TIMES for noting I started out as "a CIA operative."
I'm just a tired old batty idiot.
I will continue to embarrass myself in public just as surely as I will continue to soil myself in public.
I am the self-imposed face of feminism because I will destroy anyone who tries to take my place.
I will be the self-declared leader until the day I die.
And it's that desperation factor that really allows me to relate to Hillary Clinton.
Go, Hillary, you go go girl!