But back to V. When the show premiered last fall, one of the supreme idiots of 'TV criticism,' Troy Patterson, decreed near the end of his 'review' that some (crazy people, you understand, "nutcases") might find traces of Barack Obama and the Cult of St. Barack in V. "Nutcases" would see it as a political allegory, Troy typed as he wound down, apparently forgetting that he'd already compared the villain of the show (Anna) to Sarah Palin. Whose the nutcase, Troy?
That's why Troy is now and forever a bulls**t critic.
For criticism to be effective, it has to go with something a bit deeper than instant, knee-jerk reaction. It should bring in thought and comparison and contrast and so much more. Troy's so inept that he compares the villainous alien leader to Sarah Palin and then, a few paragraphs later, says people who try to compare the show to Obama are nuts. Troy makes those comments without any sense of irony or, for that matter, awareness.
V sent ABC into a panic. Not because it was a critique of Barack. ABC -- like many people -- didn't catch that possibility until lame-brain critics started tossing it around. V sent ABC into a panic because it debuted to high ratings and then began losing ground each week. Tuesday's return (final hour of prime time) didn't reassure them as the ratings were the worst for the series thus far. One helpful thing they have done is put the show on Hulu immediately after an episode airs. This could lead to some helpful word of mouth. (We covered how they shot themselves in the foot with Hulu's audience in 2009.)
The biggest problem with the show currently is it's like Ben Affleck's striptease in Force of Nature. You know Ben's got something worth seeing, he promises to deliver and yet you wait and wait, then finally Sandra Bullock starts pulling off a few of his clothing items, but even then you miss out on the full monty or a decent butt shot. Translation, the aliens are lizards. There is probably no one in America that's watched the show thus far who doesn't know this. When V was an 80s mini-series and TV show, that was part of the story as well. But, big difference, continuing our analogy, after Ben showed us that fine chest and hopped around in his boxers, we weren't jump cutting to him and Sandra driving around in a car. In other words, in the eighties, V showed us the aliens. It was freaky and it was gross and people couldn't stop talking about it.
Today we get some characters (such as Jack) imagining themselves as lizard or part lizard. We get Ryan rolling back his 'eye' to show you his real lizard eye. We get a dead corpse or two that shows the lizard skin for a few seconds. Last Tuesday, we got Anna's neck and mouth extending as she finished mating with another alien in order to create a new army. But we don't get to see the lizards.
Are they afraid Anna -- whom they work very hard to turn into a sexy looking character (and never quite manage to pull it off) -- will be seen as repulsive if viewers latch on to what she really looks like? We have no idea. But we know that if viewers are really honest, they'll tell you they've been waiting to see the lizards since the show started.
We mentioned Jack and Ryan. Jack's a priest who didn't fall for the alien's hype and propaganda. Ryan's an alien sent many years ago as part of a sleeper cell. He now wants to save humanity from the lizards. In spite of that, he's impregnated his (human) girlfriend who has no idea she's carrying at least a half-lizard baby (though we can hear Melissa Harris-Lacewell insisting, "The child is a lizard! If either of his parents were a lizard, the child is lizard!"). In a nod to Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby, the girlfriend's cravings led her to consider some strange 'nutritional' alternatives. This Tuesday, she's supposed to see the doctor.
Erica Evans is the driving force (human side) of the show. She's an FBI agent and she's the mother of teenage Tyler whom the aliens are interested in for some, as yet, unexplained reason. Anna's daughter is paired with Tyler and he now lives in their spaceship that hovers over NYC -- if you've ever attempted to park on 5th Avenue, you'll either understand or be green with envy. Erica teams up with Jack and Ryan to take down the aliens which translates thus far as a lot of spying and a lot of talking.
The other big character on the show is Scott Wolf. He's called by another name but it's Scott Wolf. You watch and it's Scott Wolf. You see him wrinkle that already heavily wrinkled forehead even more as he attempts to convince you he is not Scott Wolf but a character. You never, not for a single moment, buy it.
But there's so much you just can't buy.
For example, Anna's the leader of the aliens? Well isn't the United States lucky. The ship hovering over NYC is only one of 29 ships hovering over major cities around the world but the US got the leader. And when everyone's fretting over one bomber/terrorist and how he may go to the human's side and help them, this leads to worries about the alien army not being large enough. And that sort of makes sense . . . until you remember, "There are 28 more ships in the atmosphere."
It's not that you can't think too hard while watching this show, it's that you can't think at all.
If you do, you'll surely wonder why Anna, who loathes human beings, picks her momentary mate from a list of aliens . . . in human garb. (Under the human 'skin' is the lizard reality.) Why would she want to see a large group of lizards in human costumes? Why would she herself want to make love while wearing the (confining) human costume? Hey, we've certainly engaged in a little role play with our partners before. But we've never dressed up as someone we hated.
This version of V is sort of like the 'intelligent design' version of science fiction.
But it can take comfort in the fact that some critics have proven even more stupid than many of the episodes. Yes, we're back to Troy Patterson. "Universal health care," he insists, is promised by the visitors. And this is supposed to be evidence of the aliens being based upon Barack? Does Troy not grasp that Barack didn't deliver even a weak public option, let alone universal health care? If you think the show's dumb (and it is), remember that some of the reviewers are even more stupid.
