Sunday, November 16, 2008

TV: No fun in the house that Cosby built

The fun house that Cosby built should have been condemned and torn down long ago. Bill Cosby steered NBC to laughter and Thursday night ratings dominance in the 80s; many other programs kept it there through the 90s into the start of this decade. But somewhere around the time Joey managed to destroy NBC's Thursday night ratings lead, they should have grasped that they had a serious problem. All this time later they still can't grasp it.


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Which makes them as deranged as Katrina vanden Heuvel who went on Bloomberg TV last week to prove that crazy, while not desired, is portable. Night Talk host Mike Schneider should have asked for a matron to accompany Katty-van-van. But, if he had, that might have clamped down on the crazy and what else does she have to offer?




Well, honestly, dandruff.



So let's offer her a tip: Katty, if you're too shy to buy a dandruff shampoo, use a regular one but, after you lather up, rub some crushed aspirin into your scalp. It will take away that white, white dandruff build up your careful part could not hide. Every time it popped up onscreen, we felt as though we were staring at a flaky continental shelf.



Flakey and Margaret Hamilton's old wardrobe is all Katty has left to offer and she did not disappoint in either regard Tuesday night. There she was in one of those outfits that just begs a house to land on her (her pursed lips self-pleasure begs it as well) offering her 'educated' and 'insightful' ditherings.



The high point non-verbally was her interesting hand movements which probably were supposed to come off graceful but just had us thinking of a Johnny Otis song. Not for long though, Katty's Clinton Derangement Syndrome was running wild. Generally, she keeps that under wraps but there she was Tuesday, caught on camera, with it hanging out. We felt like passengers of the Luna 3 seeing things no one had ever seen before and probably should never see again.



"I'm not ecstatic," she purred in a flat tone, "that there are so many Clinton administration people." She was talking about assisting Barack currently and we weren't sure whether she expected him to hire her trained Flying Monkeys or she was hoping he'd outsource his cabinet? But that moment, to truly be appreciated, had to be paired with this statement from van-van:

"I could see sending Colin Powell to the middle east or to Iraq to help facilitate an exit out of Iraq or to really move on a Middle East peace process."



Colin Powell made the case for (illegal) war on Iraq to the United Nations, on behalf of the administration and liars everywhere. He lied. He's called it a "blot" and attempted to play like he didn't know but other accounts demonstrate that he knew he was lying in real time. He lied and his lies (cited by many columnists and editorial board in a "case closed!" rush to war manner) still result in deaths.



Him Katty wants to send to the Mid East or Iraq? Him Katty wants Barack should learn from?



Oh, Katty, not since Fran Fine tried to clean up and fit in has anyone so out of her element provided such a multitude of laughs.



We really think NBC should star her in a Thursday night sitcom, From Katty With Love. She could continue to try desperately to appear younger, continue to 'publish' a magazine that exists in spite of her, not because of her and continue to be loathed by most who work with her. We know it would be a hit because, called Just Shoot Me, it ran for years.



But unlike the current crop of Thursday sitcoms, George Segal, Laura San Giacomo and company actually provided real and intended laughs. The newbie for the night is Kath & Kim, a dreadful remake of the Australian sitcom of the same name.



What's it about? Pissing off the viewers. Selma Blair and Molly Shannon star. Neither has anything to be proud of. Molly's got a bleached out hairdo that looks bad. Not funny bad, in a Mimi on Drew Carey kind of way, just bad. Her acting is as faded out as her hair. In fairness to Molly, that's in part due to the writing but when you've waited for your prime time break as long as she has, you don't go with the flow while the tide's pulling you under.



This badly written show never even bothered to figure out what the characters want. The writers just type up a lot of bad lines and every two or three episodes come up with some sort of visual joke (which sometimes works and sometimes does not) and they call it a "comedy." Then the suits look at the numbers and start grumbling about how women won't watch comedy.



Kath & Kim isn't comedy. It's an awful show that would need a major retooling to work. Molly plays mother Kath and daughter Kim (Selma Blair) shows up one day in the midst of a marital snit. Kim refuses to move out. That could be funny if Kath was more active in pushing her to move out. But Kath's not active at all and viewers shouldn't give a damn about Kim's 'problems.' Kim's a spoiled little princess but not a funny one a la Julia Duffy's Stephanie on Newhart.



Watching the show (any episode) is to puzzle over how this ever made it to air. Week after week, it's as if you're watching a Monday table-reading and not something that's been blocked, rehearsed and filmed. The jokes are never there, the performances are flat and the rhythm is sedate bordering on deep sleep. In fact, were it not for Mikey Day, they could call the series Deep Sleep Nine. Mikey Day plays Craig, Kim's husband. His part is as badly written as everyone else's but he's coming from the world of sketch comedy and adding things. (Molly could be doing that. Why she isn't goes to her mistaken belief that what she's doing in front of the cameras currently can be called "acting.") He doesn't often make you laugh (blame the scripts) but he holds your attention and makes Craig believable.



Before Kath & Kim, viewers have to endure My Name Is Earl. Each year, Earl sinks further and further in the ratings. The Mayberry RFD retread loves being a cellar dweller -- anything enjoyable is quickly sent packing (such as Alyssa Milano as Earl's most recent wife last season) and audiences are left with an endurance test passed off as entertainment. The Office airs after Kath & Kim and the only reason to watch is Jim and Pam. Though the writers don't love NBC's orders that Jim and Pam be front and center, following those commands resulted in the series finally moving from 'fringe' to modest-sized hit. American can relate to and enjoy Jim and Pam.



The fourth sitcom, the one that ends the two hour Thursday night block, is 30 Rock. Thursday's broadcast was an example of how that show never gets anything right. All week long, we laughed at the promos. Not because there was anything funny being shown (there wasn't) but because the show's a loser made by losers. All you got from the promos was "JENNIFER ANISTON! JENNIFER ANISTON!" Aniston is a fine actress but there was no role for her to inhabit and all she played was good sport. (Tina Fey came up with another psyco-bitch for a woman to play -- how very 'progressive' of her.) Aniston smiled her way through the bad jokes (that wouldn't be funny no matter who played the part) and looked lovely. That's all you could say for her appearance in the under-written role.



30 Rock has so little to offer that it's taken to casting and hawking guest stars each week. It's become The Love Boat of sitcoms -- so much so that if Jackie Mason and Florence Henderson showed up next week for a pleasure cruise with Charo in tow, you wouldn't bat an eye. But ABC knew to promote all the guest stars on a Love Boat episode.



NBC?



In 1992, nearly 25 million people tuned in to watch Night Court's final episode. Thursday night, NBC brought back Markie Post, Harry Anderson and Charles Robinson in a subplot where Kevin (Jack McBrayer) was upset that Night Court never got a proper send off -- including Harry's wedding to Christine -- and Tracy (Tracy Morgan) tricked the actors into thinking Kevin was a small child in need of having a wish granted. Despite the three actors appearing and despite the episode being entitled "The One with the Cast of Night Court," viewers were given no heads up.



Viewers? Oh, that's funny.



Ty quoted an e-mail to us from a devotee of 30 Rock who insists that the show is a hit and we're seeing ratings declines that aren't there.



While we may be the only ones commenting on the decline, we're not inventing it. Nielsen is charting it. "8.5 million viewers!" Ty quoted the e-mail insisting. Yes, that was the season opener. And then it lost a half million viewers the following week. And Thursday's episode? Flip with us to C2 of The New York Times, "Arts, Briefly," "Compiled by Dave Itzkoff." There you will find this news: "NBC ranked third, with low ratings for 'My Name Is Earl' (7 million) and 'Kath & Kim' (5.1 million) but slightly better results for 'The Office' (8.2 million) and '30 Rock' (7.5 million)." Not only did 700,000 viewers bail after The Office went off, 30 Rock lost another half million viewers from the week before. From 8.5 million, it's already dropped to 7.5 million.



If you're not seeing a problem, you're probably not watching the ratings or the show. Thursday was all about how Liz Lemmon's old roommate -- that she once cat fought over a man -- shows up and is interested in Jack (Alec Baldwin). Liz warns him Aniston's character is crazy but Jack doesn't listen. He realizes the truth after he sleeps with her and he needs Liz to help dispose of her. Like an old mattress? The plot has nothing to do with the live sketch show that Liz works on, it has nothing to do with Jack reclimbing the corporate ladder, it has nothing to do with anything.



But apparently, each week viewers are supposed to tune in only to see which guest star will show up. The love boat, promises something for every one . . .



Here's the reality. Earl isn't fixable unless NBC gets firm with Jason. An iron whim is still nothing but a whim and viewers long ago lost patience. Kath & Kim needs a major overhaul and probably needs to switch to taping before a live audience (a live audience might encourage Molly to rediscover zany). The Office's focus on Jim and Pam has made it enjoyable. It needs to expand on that by also utilizing B.J. Novak and Mindy Kaling more. 30 Rock?



Judging by the again falling ratings, Tina Fey can turn the world off with her thin smile. The show focuses too much on guest stars and too damn little on characters. Any script that does not advance the main characters is not a script that needs to be shot. This should be conveyed only once and, the first time its again ignored, writers are replaced. Yes, even Tina Fey. NBC has allowed this show free reign and those days should be over. Sketch writers who can't write a half-hour sitcom need to move along. When we stated that to an NBC suit, he immediately shot back that if, for example, it was conveyed to Fey that she focus on acting or the show gets yanked off the air, it would probably mean more male writers. More? Have they noticed who writes for the show and doesn't? A male writer might actually show an interest in the characters of Jenna and Cerie. Plus, Fey's offering nothing but stereotypes so who needs her?



Audiences need laughs and NBC needs an audience. Somehow this very simple relationship has been turned into an unsolvable quadratic equation. It's nothing to head scratch or hair pull over. It's very simple: Entertain the audience and your numbers will grow. Bore them, disappoint them, and your numbers will fall. As 30 Rock has demonstrated this season, your numbers will fall week after week.
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