SNL? (Ava and C.I.)

"Amy Poehler has not left the show!" insisted Twyla in an e-mail last week that Ty grew tired of replying to. Twyla wanted it known that "Saturday Night Live is adding two women to the cast! I heard it on the radio! And Amy is still on the show, that's why she's on the credits!"

Amy is gone, Twyla. Amy was always leaving when she gave birth. And C4 of Thursday's New York Times quotes SNL exec producer Lorne Michaels stating, "I still hope Amy will come by and say goodbye."

Yes, she's still featured in the opening credits. She's even still named (first billed) at the start of Weekend Update. She's just no longer with the show.

Saturday Night Live did not add two women to the cast. The cast is the cast. Featured players are not the cast. SNL did add two women as featured players last week: Michaela Watkins and Abby Elliott. Why did they even bother?

Here's a breakdown of SNL last night.

Opened with "Joe Biden" bragging/warning about his blunders. No, they didn't do a Barack joke, they never have and they may never.

Paul Rudd, the host (and he did a solid job), did a monologue where he was briefly joined by Kristen Wiig (the only female in the cast) playing the Governor of Arizona.

In the next skit it's two college roommates (male) going home to meet one's kissy family. Four males, one female.

Scared straight skit featuring Keenan and homophobia ("You just transformed from man into bitch"; "You're going to have an excellent adventure in a communal shower"; "That's how many guys are going to fit inside of you" . . .). Keenan is one of five males in the skit. No women.

SNL digital short revolving around Paul and Andy painting each other nude (one to catch on YouTube). Fred's featured in a tiny role. Many are features as extras.

Four guys in a car singing along with Ricky Nelson.

Musical guest Beyonce "sings." There's an echo effect going on in her pre-recorded vocals and after Ashlee Simpson, you'd think SNL would refuse to allow any performer to use pre-recorded vocals. This was a slow song so Beyonce didn't even have the 'excuse' that she was dancing throughout the song.

"Weekend Update with Amy Poehlar and Seth Myers . . ." No Amy. Seth opens announcing who he is. As if the 'jokes' don't do that. Laura Bush gave Michelle Obama a private tour of the White House "without once taking her hand off her pocket book." There's never been any indication or suggestion that Laura Bush was a racist. That's just cheap-ass joke from a punk-ass Seth.

And "pocket book"? Is that Seth's name for it when he's dressed up in Mommy's clothes? First off, why would any woman carry one around in her own home? Second of all, "purse" -- that's the funny word, Seth.

"Friday Barack met with Hillary to see if she'd be interested in a role in his administration," Seth declared oozing his hatred of women. "'Of course,' said Hillary, 'I'll take president'." Yes, Barack offered Hillary Secretary of State. But to use that fact in the 'joke' wouldn't allow Seth to continue his sexist rants against Hillary. There's a reason women don't like Seth on screen or off.

Seth's joined by Snaggle Puss (male) and his male lover. Seth gets more gay jokes that really explain why the show is so damn homophobic. And, no, Seth, the stubble doesn't make you look masculine. It just makes you look like a pudgy trick too old to be a boy toy. An observation only made more obvious when Seth's staring at Justin Timberlake's dancing crotch. (Timberlake came on Weekend Update as himself. He sang "Sexy Back" as Weekend Update ended.)

Paul Rudd, Darrell Hammond and Justin Timberlake are among the five males in the dancing skit with Beyonce. Musical guest Beyonce is the only woman. Three males are dressed up as women.

Paul Rudd plays a jumper. Two men try to talk him down. No women.

Beyonce performs her dance number -- she's not singing again. This is obvious when she speaks into her microphone which apparently didn't have a sound check -- possibly due to the fact that pre-recorded vocals were being used?

Paul and Crazy Brows in a skit on gay marriage.

Paul and Crazy Brows in a skit about an ex-girlfriend (not seen) and Fred joins them.

And that's the show. So SNL female featured players or their sole female cast member (Wiig) really didn't even need to show up last night. They were only used in the monologue and the skit that followed. Women were AWOL after that except when the musical guest was given a role (that she bungled and came off looking homophobic in -- but, hey, when your her age and singing about wanting a ring on your finger, you already look damn pathetic, ask Oprah where that road leads).

What SNL and USA Today critics don't get is that women make up over 50% of the US population. SNL's original cast of seven included three women. Today they offer one and expect no one to complain.

Amy had her baby the weekend before the election. She did not get pregnant in August. Lorne knew she was pregnant and knew she was planning to stay with the show up to the birth and then leave. There was plenty of time to prepare for that reality.

In other e-mail news, Ty asks that we note Octogalore and encourage you to check out the website.