Sunday, March 04, 2007

AlterPunk needs a Net Nanny

Tuesday's New York Times (February 27, 2007) featured guest columnist Ann Althouse's "A License to Blog?" which brought us the latest news on our Cindy Brady of the Faux Left, our AlterPunky Brewester. What's AlterPunk's latest problems? He needs a Net Nanny.

AlterPunk's offered:

I think it would be valuable if we had... uh... I mean, there's some sense where blogs correct themselves if you read enough of them, but I still I think it would be good if we had some sort of, you know, blogging -- you know -- council, where we could condemn people. Sort of... responsible body. You could still blog if you want. Nobody's going to stop you. But we're going to... everybody's gonna know that you're not to be trusted... unless you can sort of apologize or answer for yourself.

Well, there's a reason that, in 2004, C.I. noted at The Common Ills that AlterPunk would be the first one of the so-called left to pull the Norman Podhoretz flap-jack flip.

AlterPunk -- if he wasn't good for a few laughs, what purpose would he serve?

He wants to police the blogs with his own Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. This from the man who repeated (as fact) one of the RNC's big smears against Al Gore (Naomi Wolf wasn't hired for wardrobe) and refused to correct it or apologize for it. But AlterPunky's telling us that he wants to tell the world who cannot "be trusted . . . unless you can sort of apologize or answer for yourself." Step up to the plate, short stump, and apologize for fouling landfills across the nation with your snarky lie about Naomi Wolf in your hideous What Liberal Media? Bob Somerby has repeatedly debunked the lie AlterPunk repeated in print and did so again on Friday.

So we howled with laugher over AlterPunk's self-presentation as someone concerned about the truth. We knew what was really going on -- Curse of the Unpopular. When no one ever invites you to join the club, you start having revenge fantasies about the day when you will RULE! AlterPunk in animated form would be The Simpson's Milhouse.

But what had the little boy so upset that he felt the need to jerk off in public?

Well he couldn't have a little Norman in him without a little Midget. Like The Midget seeing gay men on Fire Island decades ago and reacting with homophobia, AlterPunk was bothered that Andrew Sullivan wrote that he spent Valentine's Day watching Basic Instinct with his boyfriend while having brownies and champagne. Which led to a strong mental picture for AlterPunk who translated that as Sullivan wrote about "how happy he was to be curling up in bed with his boyfriend."

Homophobe much? It's homophobic, his reaction. It's also homophobic when you consider that Sullivan didn't write that he and his partner were in bed. That's where AlterPunk put them -- apparently because he thinks that all gay people do is have sex. (Homophobic when applied to gays, racist when applied to people of color.) Now, to be fair, maybe it wasn't homophobia?

AlterPunk's long had one of the most embarrassing (public) boy-crushes (on Bruce Springsteen) and maybe AlterPunk was just edging the toe a bit out of the closet? If that weren't the case, then the homophobe call stands.

Listing a movie, brownies and champagne was "too much information" for AlterPunk who states he doesn't like it when people make arguments based on the personal. (Apparently, AlterPunk felt Sullivan was advocating Valentine's Day? For shame, Sullivan, for shame!) AlterPunk likes to pretend, like many a sexist, that the personal has no political dimension. Sexist? Reading his lousy What Liberal Media? or any of his lists -- that he tries to pass for columns -- of brave voices who called out the Iraq war before it started and noticing how women are largely absent (after Rebecca called the crap of one list out, he did manage to include a token on his next one) makes it rather obvious the little boy wants to run with men -- even if, poor poodle, he can't keep up.

AlterPunk, who in all his Joan Crawford glory, once exclaimed, "We Are The New York Times!", should be the last to argue against allowing the personal to enter into writing. That's all the more laughable when you consider Gerald Boyd's public smackdown of AlterPunk. The personal is all over the AlterPunk. What were AlterPunk's exact words that he whined publicly? "It is an attack on people like us. It is OK all of a sudden to malign West Side elitist liberals like me." As the late Boyd recommended, "Eric, you’ve really got to cut down on the caffeine. I don’t think it is the end of civilization."

Reality is that anything written has a personal reason. Reality is that personal details pop up in supposed non-personal writing all the time (to the careful readers, at any rate).

Which is why AlterPunk's dismissive attitude towards women can be noted by his allowing Gloria Steinem to be smeared in his own book by repeating false charges and letting them stand. Which is why AlterPunk can then repeat (in his own voice) the smear against Naomi Wolf. Which is why the so-wants-to-be-big-and-respected AlterPunk can demonstrate what a little social climber he is with statements such as "We Are The New York Times!"

The personal is political. That's a statement that changed the world. But AlterPunk missed it. (Of course he missed it, it's a feminist statement.) Ironically, while AlterPunk was going after everyone but the cat bloggers, Laura Flanders and Ruth Rosen were addressing how the personal is political on Saturday's RadioNation with Laura Flanders and how the right-wing had spent decades telling you that wasn't the case, telling you that the personal was just personal. We know AlterPunk wasn't listening -- no male host! But the broadcast will be archived (and, FYI, RadioNation with Laura Flanders Saturday show is now rebroadcasting Sunday morning from 4:00 to 7:00 am EST). Sharing brownies and a DVD may have AlterPunk's mind melting down as he pictures a penis up against a rear end (again, Sullivan made no mention of "curling up" -- that's just where AlterPunk's mind went) but the reality is that "universal" v. "personal" is just one more example of AlterPunk attempting to play the night troll under the castle drawbridge.

So is the suggestion of a Council of Bloggers ("The Legion of West Side Elitist Liberals Like Me"?) which just demonstrates how he is the child of Norman and The Midget. Channeling Joe McCarthy and other baiters, AlterPunk wants a council to banish the voices he doesn't like. Which, when you think about it, demonstrates that even he grasps what a weakling he is: He knows he can't win on an even playing field and needs it tipped to his advantadge.

Who brags about being an elitist? Someone who really wants to be one -- but can't manage much more than undeserved snobbery. (Think Hyacinth Bucket in Keeping Up Appearances.)
"Priggish, preening, name-dropping, and the world's biggest Bruce Springsteen sycophant,"
noted Brian Morton of AlterPunk ["The Wuss Party" (Baltimore City Paper)] and we couldn't agree more.

Wait for the flip. Watch for it. In the meantime, someone get AlterPunk (pictured below blogging his latest non-read) a Net Nanny, immature minds like his need parental controls.



alterpunkyonline
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