How to be a print pundit

In the August 21, 2006 issue of The New Yorker, on pages 21 and 22, Hendrik Hertzberg shows you how to be a print pundit in "Snake Eyes." By following his walk-through, you too can find out what the world thinks simply by reading a daily or two and noting what they're saying the country feels and thinks.


Step one: Title your piece the most tired phrase you can think of.


Step two: Open with a Vietnam story. Since other gas bags have long insisted the Iraq is not anything like Vietnam, don't say that they are. Just open with a Vietnam story. (Because they could be long. Not all that long ago, the gas bags were saying it was wrong to call Iraq a "quagmire.") To prove your cred, be sure to take a swipe or two at "hippies" and other "fringe" elements. Remember that what passes for "radical" among the pundit set is marrying someone from 'across the partisan aisle.'


Step three: Lament the death of the good old days.


Step four: Notice a shift that happened a year prior but has only been written about in the last few months so act like it just happened.


Step five: Sucky-sucky up to a bigger named pundit (in this case Thomas Friedman).


Step six: Name check some reporters that have recently published books.


Step seven: Briefly note some events happening in the country you're speaking of.


Step eight: Offer history-lite.


Step nine: Watch Guys & Dolls over and over. A lot. You'll need it.


Step ten: Having absorbed the splendors of Nathan Detroit, write about crap games even though they aren't the most popular form of gambling.


Step eleven: Note a current domestic event to prove how well rounded you are.


Step twelve: Do not include two current events or else you'll end up rushing and, like Hertzberger, you'll end up with far too few details and find yourself putting your faith into the belief that the early reports were correct because reporters are hard working people, hard workers much more so than you are.

Step thirteen: When you make mistakes don't fret them. No one will remember your writing, least of all you -- which is why, when you're promoting a collection of your scribbles and a radio show host (say, Janeane Garofalo) makes the silly mistake of assuming she can engage you about a point you made during the 1992 conventions, you won't be playing dense, you truly will be dense. 1992? You can't remember what you wrote last month. Nor should you. More than thinking on your feet, punditry really requires that you be "in the moment."



Finally, never trust your own eyes and ears. For instance, Hertzberger writes about a shift in the mood of the country regarding the war. Now if Hertzberger had trusted his own eyes and ears and got out from behind his desk, he might have, as we did, made that call last summer.

Which is when the shift occurred.


The shift was also reflected in some polling as well.


But unless and until the mainstream media giants noted it, it wasn't happening.


That really is key to being a print pundit: Never get too far ahead of the conventional wisdom curve. "Fashionable late" translates as reporting reality approximately twelve months after it happens.