Sunday, August 27, 2006

How do you say, "We're abandoning the base in 24 hours"?

A note dropped off on August 23rd?

Dear Iraqi Armed Forces,

This letter is to inform you that we will be departing from our base in Amara, effective in 24 hours. We had issues with the non-stop noise as well as over the location itself which was not, as advertised, "centrally located near beautiful downtown Amara."

Nor did we find the neighbors or neighborhood "pleasant" as was also advertised.

Upon moving in, we had discussed at length the need for new carpet and painting. Those needs were never addressed.

Therefore, we find you in breach of the agreement we entered into and feel that nullifies any penalties that might normally be imposed due to the fact that we are not giving thirty-days notice.

We will drop off all keys at the front office tomorrow on our way out.

If you know what's good for you, we would advise you to not make an issue out of this. We would further advise that when speaking of our departure, you use that word and not "scaredy cats" or "weasels" or "abandoners" or even "lease breakers." Failure to comply with the previous statement will result in dire consequences.

Later, dude, we're outta' here,

Charlie Burbridge, flack for British forces

P.S. The Benny Hill mural on the wall? Not painted by us. We have no idea how it got there and must assume it was there before we moved we in. We expect our security deposit to be returned in full.
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