World News Tonight's hard hitting reporting (a parody)

The "personalized manner" in which ABC's World News Tonight saluted Peter Jennings work Monday, combined with the naval gazing quality of turning over so much of the evening broadcast of a show entitled World News Tonight made us wonder what else we could expect from ABC in the future?

FADE IN:

INT. STUDIO -- NIGHT

Activity on the floor as people rush around. We take in various technicians that make up the crew.

Slowly we move towards the anchor desk where CHARLIE GIBSON is getting last minute make up touches and DIANE SAWYER sits with eyes closed, centering herself.

WE SEE A HAND

counting down, with fingers, from five as THEME MUSIC BLARES.

CHARLIE
Good evening. I'm Charlie Gibson and this is World News Tonight. Our
top story, Diane Sawyer. How are you doing, Diane?

DIANE
Tired, but you know all about that, Charlie!

Both guffaw.

CHARLIE
Those early Good Morning America hours can try a soul! Ah, but
seriously, let's go to Barbara Walters.

WE SEE BARBARA WALTERS

on a monitor in a pre-recorded interview.

BARBARA:
Diane was someone you knew to watch. I remember when she
was at other networks. I'd watch. You knew to watch. You'd see her and
think, "That girl, that's someone to watch." I remember saying that to
Sam Donaldson once.

WE SEE SAM DONALDSON

on a monitor in a pre-recorded interview.

SAM
Barbara Walters always likes to tell the story that she told me Diane
Sawyer was someone to watch. Well there are two sides to every story
and here's mine: I am the one who noticed Diane Sawyer. I told
Barbara, "That's someone to watch."

At the anchor desk, Charlie, with a serious expression, shuffles papers.

CHARLIE
Diane's had an illusturous career here at ABC. She's interviewed
everyone from Michael Jackson to Daniel Ortega. Over the years, she's
delivered many memorable moments. But viewers haven't seen all of
them.

WE SEE FOOTAGE OF DIANE SAWYER

on the monitor. Diane is at the Michael Jackson Neverland Ranch. Diane teases Bubbles the chimp with a banana. Diane grins at the camera.

Bubbles grabs the banana.

Diane gasps and bursts into laughter.

At the anchor desk, Diane smiles warmly towards the camera.

DIANE
I've always believed that as a journalist, the most important thing I
can do is tell a story. You've got two and half minutes, in some cases,
to convey a complex story and viewers depend upon you to bring the
news that's important to them . . . to them. I'm very proud of the
work I did in Afghanistan.

WE SEE DIANE SAWYER WALKING DOWN A STREET IN A BURKA

as we track her, she turns to the camera, lifts up the bottom hem of her burka and reveals she is wearing go-go boots. Dropping the hem, Diane bursts out laughing and slaps her knee with her right hand.


At the anchor desk, Diane smiles to Charlie.


CHARLIE
After the commerical, we'll be back with an equally hard
hitting look at John Stossel. This is World News Tonight.


Diane nods seriously.

DIANE
John Stossel, grim faced, dour reporter or network cut-up?

ON THE MONITOR WE SEE JOHN STOSSEL LOOKING

nervously around. Then we see he's holding a whoopi cushion and standing by a desk.

The name plate on the desk reads "Hugh Downs."

Still looking around, John pulls out the chair behind the desk, places the whoopi cushion in the chair, pushes the chair back up to the desk and, giggling, runs out of the office.


FADE OUT