Rhonda Baritone's DC

Big news still rumbling is  that a certain leader of the free world -- sh, no names --  was doing the nasty with Ms. Thunder Thighs With The Squeaky Voice.  Not since the Jackson brothers pimped a teenage Michael as a lady's man has so much boasting been done to shore up the non-heterosexuality of a 'sista' of Color.


"Who's that bitch think she's fooling?"  asked one DC insider.  "Whole f**king world knows she's gay."


The insider, of course, is the former Secretary of State who used to live it up at NYC's long forgotten Stage 54, located close enough to the United Nations for so many diplomats to really put their mouths to greater use.


As the former Secretary of State well knows, that was back in the days when the designer Halston's favorite pick up line was how he'd screw your lovely cafe au latit butt all night.


In other news, get the girl a razor!


A certain, very well known woman who lives in a very prominent DC home is still fuming over her husband's many affairs -- all with men -- and saying she might not be able to wait on the divorce as planned.


"I am so sick of being the beard!" staff overheard her huff before she stormed off on a husband-less Valentine's Day trip.


It weeps!  And you think a certain member of Congress is a cry baby?  Turns out the tearful eyes are the least of his problems.  Apparently experiencing some late-life re-puberty, the man's been sprouting wood all over town but what really has people talking is the damp spot always at his crotch.  It appears the member's member weeps more than even his eyes.


Big, Bawdy and Naughty.  This overweight closet case member of the Congress has had a long, extended stay in the closet.  But 2013 was supposed to be the year, as her partner repeatedly reminds, that Big and Bawdy came out of the closet.  Big and Bawdy continues to stall insisting she has a reputation to uphold.  Big and Bawdy's got a reputation alright but it's for being Naughty in ways Madonna couldn't even dream of back when she still had the energy to dig in the crannies.


Lastly,  The Republican Sweetheart who's left a thousand and one drag queen's panting even though we all know we shouldn't since he is, after all, a Republican.  Well Sweetheart is getting a little careless in his after hours cruising and recently had to send staff on a search and destroy mission up and down the bars of Dupont Circle when Sweetheart realized he had made it home but his wallet hadn't.  The wallet was discovered at Nellie's on U Street where the only thing hotter than the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich is the wait staff.  Don't miss the Sunday Drag Brunches and, yes, they are all you can eat -- wink, wink.