If not, how to explain the offerings?
Entertainment Weekly felt the need to put out a special issue, "50 years of James Bond. The Man. The Movies. The Martinis." Well make ours a vodka martini with a shot of scotch. You'll need something strong to make it through the issue as well.
If you think "special issue" means one devoted to James Bond, you're wrong. It is 26 pages, however.
And you'll enjoy them much better if you skip all of EW's usual crap (best and worst remakes! McSteamy is out!) and just focus on the Bond selection.
More puzzling than EW may be Total Film which seems to think the cover story is Expendables 2. We were left to wonder if Space Cowboys got the cover in 2000? This is supposed to be "THE BADASS ISSUE" but with Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme and Arnold on the cover, it looks like an ad for Viagra and Depends. Best part of the entire issue?
The 8 page article entitled "The 50 Greatest Bond Moments." All the world's a Bond, Shakerspeare once said or should have, and all the men and women viewers.
Geek wants you to know that "Spider-Man SWINGS AGAIN!" Here it is, August, and Geek wants us to know about a film that came out July 3rd? Could someone cancel our subscription to Ye Olden Times?
Only reason to open the issue? The two page look at the various Catwomans. Our pick for best Catwoman? Michelle Pfeiffer set the high water mark that no one matched before her and that Halle Berry and Anne Hathaway have struggled to reach since.
Leafing through page after page of disappointments, we finally grabbed SciFi Now. Mainly because we were hoping to find something current.
What is at the forefront of Science Fiction today?
Clearly the TV show Supernatural since it's on the cover.
Yes, the cover is that tired, old series that Ava and C.I. once described as "like really bad gay porn where the leads forget to take their clothes off." Looking at the cover closely, we felt like Mia Farrow in Rosemary's Baby, compelled to scream, "What have you done to his eyes, you maniacs!"
That's because they've done something to Jared Padalecki's eyes. They don't look human.
Only reason to leaf through? Samuel Roberts "The 15 Most Mind Blowing Films Sci-Fi."
We're not praising the article. We think it explains why the magazine sucks, actually. Any supposed, alleged SciFi mag that picks Brazil over The Matrix as the best Sci Fi film is seriously screwed up. That becomes even more apparent as you search in vain for Sigourney Weaver's Aliens or Alien -- the films directed by James Cameron and Ridley Scott -- but do find that the fluff that was Pleasantville made it to number five. David Lynch's Dune's not on the list but The Truman Show is number four.
Again, the list serves the purpose of explaining to you why the magazine sucks.
And all four magazines exist to explain why fewer and fewer people bother to buy magazines today -- there's no real reason to waste your money.
