Sunday, October 30, 2011
Danny Dumptruck gets e-mails
Last week, Danny Schechter announced that his e-mail account had been attacked. Which may or may not be true. Since 2008 especially, Danny's struggled with the truth. He then wrote a little passage that read like a dig at this site or Marcia or both suggesting that was the culprit. Marcia called out his bulls**t. And she and many of the people commenting at her post, noted how dreary Danny's e-mails would no doubt be. Which got us thinking . . .
If indeed he was hacked, the hacker probably had to endure a lot of nonsense. We also offer how, if he was hacked (big if), it might have happened.
I am a chubby chaser of several decades. Your wide load is like J-Lo booty squared. Possibly even more than that. I think I am ready for your jelly. Are you ready for mine?
Size Triple XXX Big & Tall
Dear Size Triple XXX Big & Tall,
I must confess that I suspected your e-mail was a query for sex as I began reading it. In fact, I thought I had my first boner in years but, as I shifted, I realized that was just the car keys in my pocket, cutting into my leg. And then I got to your point about jelly. I'm a little disappointed, but I do like jelly. Is your jelly grape or strawberry?
Hungry for jelly,
Dear Mr. Schechter,
Your Lithium prescription has set at our store now for over two years. We have not refilled the prescription since you have not bothered to pick up the last one we filled. Please advise us on your plans.
You write like a very intelligent and wise man. I wish that I had your wisdom and insight. I wait excitedly to see what you will next cover. You are truly the only voice that matters. You are brave and, honestly, remind me a little of Mel Gibson in Bravehart. You are a gift to your generation and to the world. Greatness such as your own comes but once a lifetime.
Dear Mr. Schechter,
Thank you for your kind note. I sometimes worry someone will see these e-mails I send to myself and think I'm crazy. But sometimes I need a little pick me up and these e-mails are a way of making my day a little better. Nothing crazy about that, right?
Hugs and kisses,
I have been asked to inquire as to your name for my client who is a wealthy Libyan recently injured in the conflict there. In addition, she has lung cancer and will not long last for. My client wishes to leave all his money to you. He has no living relations. If you are interested in $5 billion in US dollars, please contact us post haste. We will need: Your name, phone number, physical address, major credit card, bank name and address, PIN number, Social Security number and your mother's maiden name. Please, let us this transaction quickly conclude.
Buton Badhir, Esquire
Dear Mr. Badhir,
Thank you for your kind e-mail! I'm so thrilled to be receiving $5 billion! It's like winning the lottery! I'm sorry about the injury of the man or woman with lung cancer but I do appreaciate his or her money and will spend it only on necessary items such as a banana split bar for my bathroom. I've provided all the information you requested and attached it to this e-mail. Is there any chance we can conclude this by Wednesday? My ConEd bill's overdue and I've already received the Thursday cut-off notice.