Sunday, November 14, 2010

Valerie Wants To Share (parody)

Prepared remarks for White House Senior Adviser Valerie Jarrett to deliver November 18th to the Orange County Cancer Coalition.

valerie jarrett

Good, afternoon. It's a real thrill for me to be here in Santa Ana, speaking to everyone here. I share your interest and, like yourselves, have had my own life impacted by cancer.

For example, when the media finally started explaining how toxic Jeremiah Wright's hate spewed lectures were -- despite the efforts of many to kill the issue -- and Barack was writing his distraction speech where he never addressed the hateful things Wright had said, I was the one who said, "Hey, let's use cancer as a distraction here."

I'm the one who said, "There's this woman, Ashley, I met her while we were campaigning in South Carolina. She's got nothing to do with Jeremiah Wright's damning the United States, with his screaming that "The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as means of genocide against people of color! The government lied!", his blatant homophobia -- while creating LGBT groups to keep the coffers overflowing, I mean it was just endless.

But I said, "Hey, here's something we can use cancer for -- it's not like it's good for much else." And so we did. And that worked out pretty good.

So I don't consider myself to be 'anti-cancer' and just want to let all of you know that I and the White House respect your lifestyle choice. Now let's open the floor to questions."
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