Which pretty much sums up the entire June 10, 2010 issue featuring Russell Brand on the cover in heavy lip gloss sans shirt but on an even more lame note, features, on page 8, "Please, Mr. President" by Jann S. Wenner who's apparently decided to take his sub enjoyments out of the bedroom and bleed 'em all over the page.
Outside of who gets first shot at the free doughnuts, there's no issue that matters more to Jann than the environment so it's embarrassing to read his sniveling eight paragraphs as the Gulf Disaster continues.
* "the president has failed to take the kind of urgent action demanded by the crisis" * "this is an opportunity" * "there is still time"
Wah, wah, wah.
Pack it in I heard you did! Pack it in Was it hard to fold a hand you knew could win
-- "The Midway," written by Joni Mitchell, Clouds
Yes, all the celebs he once skewered now have a hearty laugh at Jann.
"GOOD MUSIC WILL PREVAIL" proclaims Filter on the cover of their 40th issue (featuring cover artists Broken Social Scene). Filter's a lot like the Bikini magazine but with more of an emphasis on music. This issue's "Neil Young's Greendale" by Cliff Chiang sports more inspiration than anything Rolling Stone's stumbled upon in three decades.
Paste's April/May issue attempts to cover a wide range of music including a fave of this site, Anais Mitchell on page 38. Mitchell's new album is Hadestown. And they feature actual music reviews -- so much so you picture Jann crying out, "Forgive me Ralph Gleason! Forgive me!"
Moving over to Uncut, you find Kate Bush on the cover -- yes, Virginia, women can be cover subjects. In the cover story, you learn why various musicians love Kate and you learn which of her works she's proudest of (Hounds of Love) and why, "In some ways it was the best and I was the happiest I'd been compared to making other albums. I had time to breathe and work creatively." Neil Spencer contributes a four page article (photos by Yui Mok) on the Who which finds Daltrey yet again making noises of packing it in (this time pinned to Pete Townsend's hearing: "If carrying on is going to mean Pete going deaf, let's stop now -- nothing is worth that!"). Reality is provided by manager Bill Curbishley, "Bullocks! It's been the last Who performance ever since I've been with them."
Q digs deep into the past to feature cover "boy" Paul McCartney. The British magazine continues its obsession with peering across the Atlantic as it runs down the ten election songs and six of them are US campaigns (eight of them are non-UK campaigns). They do a far better job with a four page feature on Noel Gallagher, formerly of Oasis, and his (then upcoming) Royal Albert Hall performances. They then run down the "20 Druggiest Albums Ever." Top ten?
10) Guns 'N Roses' Appetite For Destruction
9) Alice in Chains' Dirt
8) Dr. Dre's The Chronic
7) Oasis' Be Here Now
6) Beatles' Revolver
5) Spacemen 3's The Perfect Prescription
4) The Velvet Underground and Nico's The Velvet Underground and Nico
3) The Rolling Stones' Exile On Main St.
2) Sly & The Family Stone's There's A Riot Goin' On
1) Happy Mondays' Yes Please!
The issue features 26 pages on McCartney including the "20 Greatest Paul McCartney Songs" as picked by various fools. Fools? Billie Joe Armstrong picks "What You're Doing." And from there, it's pretty much straight down hill. Chris Martin selects McCartney's rip off of Graham Nash's "Better Days" ("Live And Let Die"). By the time you get done with the twenty, you notice no one picked "Let It Be" let alone "Get Back." We can't think of anything more shocking except maybe Richard Ashcroft attempting yet another comeback without The Verve.
So we travel back to the US and encounter Scott Weiland on the cover of Spin. A woman with half his public problems would be seen as a train wreck. Scott's seen as 'tortured.' Stephen Elliott offers: "Given the seemingly endless turmoil that surrounds Weiland, it is slightly shocking that the new self-titled, self-produced STP [Stone Temple Pilots] album isn't just good, but that it exists at all." Graded on a curve yet again? And demonstrating how hopeless behind the times they (and Spin) remain, Elliott drags old relic Danny Goldberg out of the mosh pit in order to vouch for STP's conintued 'relevance.'
If you were only going to read one of the magazines? Go with Filter, it's offering both journalism and poetry. Avoid at all costs? Rolling Stone which continues to be the drunken uncle at the wedding party trying to talk music with a group of fourteen-year-olds.
