Sunday, December 28, 2008

The 2008 Bronze Boobies

The Bronze Boobies. Unlike the Center for Media & Democracy's "falsies," the 'honors' we hand out aren't deep in sexism.

Bronze Booby Prize

That's president-elect Barack Obama's chest above, bronzed up, and the press last week mistakenly described the above as "pecs." Not since Richard Gere shucked his shirt in Somersby have two such saggy man boobs been on display. As Cedric's "For an extra five, he'll do a lap dance" and Wally's "THIS JUST IN! BARACK AND HIS AMAZING MAN-BOOBIES!" point out, pecs do not dangle. Those are man boobs, Barack's pendulous boobs in fact.

2009 saw tremendous whoring on behalf of Barack Obama so narrowing the list down to just 5 of the top whores wasn't easy. Feel free to add your own street walkers and call boys & girls posing as 'journalists' and 'critics' to the list.

1) Norman Solomon.

Alleged 'independent' media critic Normy Solomon showed his 'independence' this year by making like he was starring in the title role of Scream, Pretty Peggy! So much drama, so much bitchy, it was as though he was trying to raise Joan Crawford from the grave. Unlike most media critics, Normy decided to become a pledged delegate for his wet-dream Barack Obama. And ethics being something he'll drop quicker than his drawers, Normy frequently forgot to disclose that new status when he was brought in as an 'independent' 'critic' to comment on the 2008 Democratic Party primary race. If you thought Normy embarrassed himself with that bad clip-job entitled Made Love, Got War (wags say, "More like 'Shook Hands, Got War and a Social Disease'), rest assured, you haven't seen anything yet. 2009 is set to be Normy's year.

2) KPFA.

With Bernard White at the competing WBAI, could KPFA top WBAI? Yes, it could!!! KPFA was where pledged Barack delegate Norman Solomon could appear on air without ever noting his delegate status or having to worry that a KPFA on-air would (for example, Philip Maldari and Aimee Allison). Norman who could lie solo as he pretended to be objective and could later be brought on when KPFA finally interviewed a PUMA representative.

Considering all of Norman's well known Hissy Fits over the years, KPFA could probably almost bury their increasing debt if they marketed Norman practicing an on-air character assassination devoid of any issues -- you know, the sort of personal attacks he usually tsk-tsks over when others do it. Aimee Allison stood by slack-jawed as she allowed Norman not only to be a participant in the alleged discussion but also to steal her assigned role as moderator.

Considering Pacifica's financial troubles (much worse than is known and what is known is alarming), Queen Norman's performance on disc, hawked as a pledge drive gift, might be the only thing to generate funds. (New pledges are rarely generated when those who've donated learn of gross mismanagement of past funds.) But all of that and so much more paled in comparison to February 2008, when KPFA decided to broadcast the Texas debate between Hillary and Barack. First problem? The event they'd advertised couldn't take place. Larry Bensky would whine on air about how mean corporate news was, refusing to give little KPFA permission to broadcast a debate they'd apparently never thought to ask permission to broadcast. When planning and promoting a live special, it's probably a good idea to make sure you have permission to broadcast it.

If they didn't bother to cover the basics, what did they spend all their time on? Stacking the deck. So that a two-hour special could offer various 'experts,' various 'independent' experts -- all of whom had endorsed Barack Obama but KPFA didn't feel you needed to know that. They thought it was perfectly natural to offer a two-hour 'analyis' of a debate and have all the 'judges' be Barack supporters and Barack endorsers. They thought that was . . . journalism.

3) FAIR.

FAIR promotes itself -- in all of its subsidiaries -- as an independent media critic. They are no such thing. They do not call out their peers in Panhandle Media and Jeffy Cohen's belief that MSNBC is going to be bringing him back any day now led FAIR to play dumb throughout 2008 with regards to MSNBC's antics. (A return for Jeff is highly unlikely considering that MSNBC staffers refer to him as "Pinko Jeff" and -- he should be able to identify which ones by this -- do so in a racist 'Asian' voice to make it sound like "Pink Lady & Jeff.")

FAIR has their website. They have their magazine Extra! And they have their weekly radio program CounterSpin. So it's especially telling that these Barack Whores posing as media 'critics' managed to make it through the Democratic Party primaries only noting sexism once this year, for a single sentence (on CounterSpin). More laughable is which network got called out: CNN. Jeffy wants to be a MSNBC Playa! So they threw the dice and they crapped out. The whole country saw just how useless FAIR was -- despite having many noted feminists and 'feminists' on their board (their 'board' is nothing but names used for fundraising). When MSNBC's Davy accused Hillary of "pimping out" her daughter, FAIR was such a good whore it re-published a praise item on Davy from when he finally had the guts to leave Fox "News." Late in the game, after the primaries, Extra! showed up with an article that allegedly addressed the sexism but somehow managed to avoid mentioning Keith Olbermann.

There is nothing FAIR about FAIR and you can take comfort in the fact that no mainstream news outlet takes them seriously presently after their 2008 antics. They proved that all their high-minded talk was bulls**t and the only ethics they have are situational.

4) Amy Goodman.

Amy Goodman pulled a lot of stunts in 2008 including packing her show with Barack supporters without telling her audience they were Barack supporters. There was her New Hamsphire pre-primary 'coveage' where LIE FACE Melissa Harris-Lacewell just happened to show up and just happened to brag and brag and rave and rave over Barack Obama. As an outside, objective 'analyst,' you understand. Reality: Melissa was campaigning for Barack and had been since 2007. Amy Goodman was aware of that. Amy Goodman was aware of it long before she and Melissa were guests on Rev. Jesse Jackson's weekly radio show for the same broadcast.

Amy Goodman LIED to her audience. She brought Melissa on as someone not vested in any of the races, just an observer. When Melissa raved and raved over Barack, Amy continued to refuse to inform her audience that this 'objective' 'analyst' had alrady spent over half-a-year working for Barack's campaign which included traveling to states throughout 2007. In January 2008, Goody didn't think you deserved to have any of that information.

Goody didn't think you needed to know that corporations were funding Barack's campaign. So week after week, she repeated the lie that 'small donors' were doing it. Greg Palast, Goody and all the other whores who chose to publish in Larry Fl**t's jerk-off rag, the ones who love to go on about campaign finance, have yet to raise any concerns over the many fake 'small donors' that CBS News and The Washington Post turned up to Barack's campaign.

Amy decides what she wants to tell you and, more and more, the 'news' she serves up is less and less important, less and less honest. She and her fringe freaks managed to take part in ensuring Barack stole the Democratic Party nomination. The only good thing about that is whores who get a big pay day generally get a big head and that trips them up. Yes, Goody, someday your vice squad arrest will come.

And now the tension builds . . . One 'honor' left. Only one. Who will it be in a year when so many were so deserving of a Bronze Booby award?

"You've got to climb Mount Everest to reach the Valley of the Dolls . . . "

The envelope please . . . .

5) Laura Flanders.

Some of you may argue The Nation or The Progressive. Or you might even argue Matthew Rothschild who certainly was an idiot throughout 2008. There are many, many contenders. But what makes Laura such a 'winner' is that she's bored us all for years with her little act about wanting to end the illegal war. And yet, she couldn't even focus on the illegal war. She couldn't and wouldn't call Barack out on that. And of course, Laura is the self-loathing lesbian who didn't call Barack out for putting homophobes on stage in South Carolina while campaigning for his party's nomination or for putting homophobes on stage during the general election. Laura Flanders apparently has some masochistic streak in her that demands she be called nasty, vile names and insulted in order to get off. So, Laura, consider this 'honor' not only 'recognition' but also beat-off material for you.

We've praised you in the past. Excessively. You disgraced yourself throughout 2008. You were, of course, one of the 'independent' 'analysts' on KPFA's debate coverage. You never were able to admit you endorsed Barack during the broadcast, were you? And you referred to Hillary's laugh as a "cackle." In February. Long after that term had been identified as sexist even within the MSM. You lied repeatedly and you made a first-rate fool of yourself. The 'facts' you presented were predictions and we must have missed your I-goofed comments following the Texas primary you allegedly knew so damn much about.

You were a wealth of embarrassments and, thing is, we don't give a damn about Amy Goodman. We can groan and even yell at her next stunt. But who the hell cares about Amy Goodman the person? (No one. The Lonely Lady isn't just a bad Harold Robbins page-turner.) Spoiled rich girl posing as working class? Goody was always a joke. But you? We counted on you to always speak the truth. We never thought you'd run with a pack, show fear or whore yourself out.

We were wrong and, of all the names on this list, only Laura Flanders' is enough to depress us.
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