Sunday, January 28, 2007

A message from Sanford Levinson (humor)

Hello, I'm Sanford Levinson. I just wrote a dumb ass article on impeachment for The Nation magazine. Elizabeth Holtzman took the discussion up a notch in January 2006. Others, including Lewis Lapham, Dave Lindorff, John Nichols, Barbara Olshansky, Michael Ratner, have presented cases for it as well.

I'm not interested in cases. And not just because I teach law at UT and do visiting professorships. I'm not interested in the examples they cite. I'm certainly not interested about what John Conyers might begin exploring this week. There might have been a time when I was interested.

However, I just returned from Madame Cleo's House of Instant Psychics. With the money fellow faculty members had saved up to send me to a fat farm, I instead learned valuable lessons in tea left reading and for four monthly installments of just $79.99, you can learn the same lessons on hope with the new 8-track boxed set Madame Cleo's House of Instant Psychics Knows You Want These Tapes.

As I did, you will learn many techniques that will end up adding to your pleasure and leisure time. Myself, applying the same technique I used in writing The Nation article, I no longer need waste time grading papers. I now pick up a student's paper, I weigh it in my head, I gaze into the distance, and, without reading a single word, I assign a grade.

You'll learn all about that in Tape 3, "Shortcuts to Happiness and Make My Order Fact Free."

Before Madame Cleo's House of Instant Psychics, I would've had a time writing my article. I would've had to look at the evidence thus far, say about the illegal wire tapping on American citizens, the circumventing of the FISA court, consider what possibilities that judge who resigned from the FISA court could have had for doing so?

I might have had to struggle with treaties and their implications when it comes to illegal wars of choice. I might have been forced to consider how far up the outing of the CIA agent Valerie Plame went.

Instead, I just gazed off into space and used a wonderful tool I will tell you about in a moment to reach my answer: Impeachment is not possible.

The tool? Magic 8 Ball. When you make your final fourth payment of $79.99, Madame Cleo will rush you a Magic 8 Ball via third class mail and it is a valuable tool. With my column, I thought I would have to spend hours thinking, exploring. Instead, I merely shook my Magic 8 Ball, turned it over and there was the answer: "Not at this time."

I probably saved at least 17 hours.

Think of all the time you too can save.

Remember for just four easy payments of $79.99 the 8-track boxed set of Madame Cleo's House of Instant Psychics Knows You Want These Tapes can be yours. You'll also receive, free, at no charge, a Magic 8 Ball. If you are one of the first ten callers, Madame Cleo will throw in a four leaf clover. It's really just a sprig of parsley but pretend it's a four leaf clover. The world is what you make it. Join me and other busy, on the go professionals and order your tapes now.
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