You take the bad
You take whatever
You can grab
Attention Whore
Attention Whore
This episode of ATTENTION WHORE was taped before a studio audience.
A zaftig MEDEA BENJAMIN lumbers into the room carrying poster board and markers. 4 YOUNG WOMEN look over at her.
Medea: Girls, girls, girls! We've got to get these posters made for the demonstration. Local TV cameras won't be around forever!
Young Woman #1: What is it this time, Medea?
Medea: (Looking up) Who said that? Was it the fat one?
Young Woman #1: It was me.
Medea: Oh. This is about the fires in Australia. I care deeply about all the planet's creatures and that so many are dying in these fires . . . [Medea sobs for a moment.] No, it's alright. I'm okay. I can do this. Deep breath, Medea, deep breath. Girls, grab markers, let's make our posters. On each sheet of poster board, let's write, "Fire Kills." Got it? Everybody got it? Does the foreign one understand?
Young Woman #2: I'm not foreign. I'm from New Jersey!
Medea: Is that "si" or "no"?
The young women all share a look as Medea writes a large "F" on her own poster board.
Medea: You know, girls, this reminds me of when I was starting out. It was all about girl power and just knowing that we women could do anything.
Young Woman #3: I thought you started Medea's Muffins with a man, Kevin Danaher?
Medea: Who said that? Was it the fat one?
Medea's cell phone rings. Her ring tone is Wild Cherry's "Play That Funky Music."
Medea: (On phone) Social healing, one-stop protest, fiber equality and justice for all and so much more here at Medea's Muffins. Go for Medea. Jodie, how are you? What? Oh no! Oh! No! I'm on it. I'm on it. I'm sitting on it, I'm so on it. It's a park bench and I'm on it! But it's a public bench so I'm leaving room for others to get on it too! Thank you.
Medea sighs dramatically as she puts away her phone while the four young women attempt to ignore her.
Medea; I said SIGH!!!!! [Long pause.] Huh? What? Did one of you just ask what's wrong? Was it the fat one? It doesn't matter which of you angels asked, the point is you asked. Someone has been arrested! Arrested. We must protest this. We must be heard. So we're doing different posters. I've already got an "F" on mine for "Fire Kills." But let's all use our "F"s and make it "Free Him!" instead. I assume it's a him. My friend Jodie didn't give me the person's name. Or what he did. He might have been jay walking. Or it could have been a DWI. Or maybe first degree murder. I don't know but he's been charged with something and we need to finish our posters and hurry downtown. We have to help him. If it is a him. Jodie didn't tell me the gender.
Young Woman #4: You don't know much, do you?
Medea: Okay, that time I know it was the fat one. But that's okay, Jodie's on her way over and we've got posters to make and muffins to bake! We didn't have it so easy when I was your age, girls. Back then, you made any stand of substance and Fidel was kicking you out of Cuba. That's what he did to me. Oh Fidel, he never forgave me, you know?
MARCOS struts into the main area. Scratching his nuts, he leers at the young women and then turns to Medea.
Marcos: Oven's on.
Medea: You turned it on? Marcos, you turned it on? Oh, you work so hard. What do I owe you? Two hundred dollars?
Marcos: Yeah. You going to need me to come back at the end of the day to turn the oven off?
Medea: (Digging through purse) I think one of the girls can manage it. But you will be back tomorrow to turn the oven on again, right?
Marcos: Yeah. See you, girls.
Marcos nods and grabs his crotch. As he walks off, Medea beams.
Medea: That Marcos, he's quite the charmer. If I was five years younger . . .
Young Woman #2: Are we getting paid this week? Or do you just pay men?
Medea: Girls! Get to work. I'm the only one who even has two letters on my poster board. I have an "F" and I have an "R."
Young Woman #4: Yeah, I got an "F" and a "U."
Before Medea can respond, a ridiculous looking red-headed and balding elderly woman limps into the room. This is Medea's friend JODIE
Jodie: Oh, Medea, it's so awful!
Medea: I know. But, Jodie, we're working on our posters. They're going to read "Free Him!" which is kind of catchy, right?
Jodie: No, Medea --
Medea: Well it's no "Blood For Oil," but there is worse.
Jodie: No, Medea, that's not what I mean. Haven't you heard the news? Breaking news, we're going to war on Congo.
Medea: No! No! It's come to this? War on dancing? "Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga. I know you can't control yourself any longer. Come on, shake your body baby, do the conga. I know you can't control yourself any longer."
Medea does a sad and half-hearted hip move as she shakes her head.
Medea (Con't): I love the conga.
Jodie: No, not conga, the Congo.
Medea: Oh. Oh. I guess that's different. (To Jodie) Right? (To the Young Women) It is, right?
Jodie: We'll need all new posters. Any ideas?
Medea: Well "F" and an "R" -- Let me think. Oh, Jodie, why can't it be simpler like when we were kids. We'd go to the store and buy some candy straws and then we'd go to the overpass and drop car batteries on cars passing under us. Those were simpler times. Better days. I miss my sugar straws. And a good car battery, preferably a Mighty Max ML35-12 Battery. Those puppies really packed some power when they landed on a car hood.
Jodie nods and wraps an arm around Medea, giving her a hug.
Medea: I've got it! I've got it! Another memorable slogan from me Medea! "Freak Out! War!" Huh? Huh? That's good, right? I did it again. Girls, did you hear? We're doing "Freak Out! War!" on our posters.
Jodie watches as the young women stare. She looks at them, then at Medea.
Jodie: They're not moving. Why aren't they moving?
Young Woman #1: We're not moving because we're not getting paid.
Jodie: This is a calling, not an occupation.
Medea: Yeah!
Jodie: You don't get paid for a calling.
Medea: Yeah!
Jodie: It's your civic duty.
Medea: Yeah!
Young Woman #1: We were hired to make muffins. We make muffins. We've done that for two weeks now. Where are our paychecks?
Medea: Yeah! I mean, no. No!
Jodie: We are a non-profit. The government sees us as a non-profit.
Medea: Yeah!
Young Woman #1: You pay Marco. All he does is come in every morning and turn the knob on the oven and you pay him.
Jodie: That is very hard work.
Medea: Yeah!
Jodie: And he has a family.
Medea: Yeah!
Jodie: And a penis.
Medea: Yeah!
Young Woman #1: Paying men but not paying women is sexism.
Medea starts to yell "Yeah!" but Jodie puts her hand over Medea's mouth.
Jodie: (To Medea) Who is that girl?
Medea: I don't know. It's not the fat one and it's not the foreign one.
Jodie: Girls are the worst little bitches.
Medea: Aren't they though.
Young Woman #2: We're out of here.
The four young women walk out of the muffin shop.
Medea: Good! Go! Who needs you! (Nodding to Jodie, she points at the women.) That one, that's the fat one.
Jodie's cell phone goes off and she reads a text on it.
Medea: Okay, so let me get a least one sign with "Freak Out! War!" on it and --
Jodie: (putting away phone) Forget it, Jon Stewart's just announced another Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear. We've got to make that our focus.
When your life never seems
To be living up to your dreams
And suddenly you're finding out
The world is not all about you
Yoooo-oooo-ouuuu.
Boooo-oooo-who.
Attention Whore
Attention Whore
ATTENTION WHORE
created by a massive ego and CODESTINK
starring Medea Benjamin
"Follow That Protest" based on an idea by Jim, Cedric, Rebecca, Marcia and Wally, script written by Ann, Betty, Ava and C.I.
"Attention Whore (Theme Song)" written by Stan, Elaine, Kat, Ava and C.I.
Illustration is Isaiah's THE WORLD TODAY JUST NUTS "Medea Benjamin For Fake Ass Jeans."
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