"How bad could it be?" I wondered. "I mean it's got Sabrina the teenage witch as a guest star."
Yep, that's how bad. Archie . . . Meets KISS.
If the idea sounds dated, it's because it is. As are the 'jokes.'
Betty: Well, it can't be easy getting around town looking . . .
Paul Stanley: Looking like what?
Reggie: Face it -- you stand out!
KISS formed in 1973 and got their first gold record in 1975. By 1977, they were so popular, they appeared in the Howard The Duck comic book which was quickly followed by their own comic book. Point being, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley and two other members (they've changed over the years) have been around for nearly forty years now. And their face makeup is well and widely known. For 13 years, they without their makeup, from 1983 to 1996. The makeup returned at the start of 1996 and has remained ever since.
So the 'jokes' about the KISS look spoiled about 40 years ago.
But they're all over the comic. In Pop's malt shop, Gene Simmons will ask the Archie gang, "Do you have any idea what you're up against?" Veronica will reply, "Four nerds who got locked in a costume store." At which point, apparently, readers are supposed to exclaim, "Oooh, snap!"
But do it quick because the lameness of it all is quickly topped by KISS allowing Veronica to give them a 'makeover' -- putting Gene in a sweater vest, and worse for the others.
The story involves some spell Sabrina cast which accidentally released zombies on Riverdale. Now KISS and the kids must try to stop the zombies. This is a multi-comic story, believe it or not, and Archie Meets KISS is actually the second of four issues, the ad inside the comic calls it a "mini-series" and advised you that you can have "ALL Four Only $11.99" (limited time offer) so "BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK TO ROCK!"
And did I mention that on the last page of issue two, we learn that Archie is now a zombie!!!!!
It's supposed to be so scary.
I find the ad for Life With Archie far scarier: Betty and Veronica both sit in Archie's lap and the ad proclaims "Archie marries Betty & Veronica!" Well if Archie can meet KISS, can Archie Goes HBO Big Love be too far behind?
It gets worse? The cover of Archie: The Married Life features Veronica cupping Archie from behind and Betty face to face with him with the tag "TWO WORLDS, TWO LOVES, TWO DESTINIES" and the promise that this can be yours ("Fine out what happens after the 'I do's") for only $19.99, this "Archie COMICS GRAPHIC NOVEL." Do we really need graphic novels from Archie?
I would say no but here we are talking about graphic novels and here we are talking about Archie comics and that was the whole point of the KISS tie-in, getting word out on a series of comic book titles that are largely forgotten while the buzz circles each month around this DC title or that Marvel one. In that regard, the tie-in, four-part mini-series is already a hit.
