What is Swingtown? It's the latest crap from Mike Kelley who someone thinks has talent but, judging by his output, we'll assume he's better at conning suits than he is viewers.
Swingtown is all con. The look at 'suburbia' on the 'lake front' is a con from start to finish.
Musically, it might be considered 'ahead of its time.' See, the show is set in the summer of 1976. For what reason? No thought appeared to go into that. The same lack of thought that had a non-make out scene between two teenagers drag on forever in a car while the radio played Fleetwood Mac's "Go Your Own Way."
"Go Your Own Way" is known as many things. It's the song where Lindsey Buckingham really goes to town on Stevie Nicks (didn't take away the guilt over his cheating or over the fact that, throughout their relationship, he was too 'sensitive' to actually work for a living while Stevie held down multiple jobs). Artistically (or "artistically") it was a sign that, yes, Lindsey would attempt to rework the songs of his heroes. (As with "Monday Morning," "Go Your Own Way" has a huge Mamas and the Papas debt yet to be paid.) But although it is known as many things, it was never known as a song played on radio in July of 1976. That's because the track was the lead single to Fleetwood Mac's Rumors album -- the monster seller released in 1977.
"Go Your Own Way" does not fit the mood the scene is trying for, nor does it fit the timeline. But attention to either detail would betray the inattentive show. (Viewers will feel restless -- and we don't mean horny -- watching.)
For the record, the scene is supposed to revolve around the female teenager and not the male. That would be Laura Miller (Shanna Collins), the teenage daughter of the family the show revolves around. The guy? A guy's she dating while mooning over an older man. Translation, a little nothing. How does a song about a man whining underscore whatever Laura's supposed to be going through? It doesn't. And it never would.
It's just a wasted scene. Wasted in the writing. Wasted in the song choice and wasted on the viewer.
Laura's mother is supposedly one of the stars (but Mike Kelley is rarely interested in adults -- see his O.C. work). She's played by Molly Parker. Susan Miller isn't a role on the page and it's not really a character on screen but Parker tries to invest it with something.
It's not easy when saddled with scenes where Laura tells Mother Molly not to worry about her just because she's now the same age Molly was when she got "knocked up" with Laura.
Knocked up?
In 1987's Overboard, one of Goldie Hawn's "sons" (see the movie) will holler at another, walking off with a girl, not to get her "knocked up." Goldie will not only admonish him for yelling that, she'll visibly recoil. That's because, last summer's dull and overrated flick not withstanding, women don't generally use the term "knocked up" unless they're insulting someone. So, for example, Laura might taunt a bitter rival with "knocked up" (e.g.: "Sure you got him, but you had to get knocked up to do it!") but she's not going to use it with her mother unless they're having an all out argument. She's especially not going to use the term since she was the pregnancy in question.
In casual conversation, it's not really a term that women (or girls) use. Certainly not in the White world of suburbia circa the 1970s. But if you dwell on that misuse, you're utilizing more thought than went into the show.
One good and momentary thought was to cast Grant Show as 'swinger' Tom Decker. The Millers move out of a humble home into a more upscale lake property and the Deckers are their next door neighbors. Tom and Trina Decker (Lana Pamilla) have an open marriage and it's really important that Tom be seen as sexy. So, for a moment, casting Grant Show was a smart move. A moment was about all the time that went into figuring out the men's hairstyles.
Underneath that hideous hair job is a sexy man. But who can get underneath it? We mentioned Lindsey Buckingham earlier. He was considered sexy in his pre-Eraser Head days of the 1980s. His hair wasn't a stringy mange back then. Nor were any of the Eagles saddled with bad hair. But all the males of Swingtown have been given really bad hair. It's generally at least chin length, one layer and matted and/or stringy. No, that is not how sexy men (or even Docker Dads in Suburbia) wore their hair in 1976. It is how some 'swingers' wore their hair from 1968 through 1972. (Although they usually did something with it, generally "the dry look.") By 1976, "key parties" and "open marriages" really weren't a mini-rage in the country either. The Ice Storm was set in 1973 and even that was a little too late for the terrain it was covering.
About the only chronological thing they come close to getting right is putting a Dorothy Hamill do on a female character. Sadly, the woman sporting it is no actress. It's Lana Parrilla who helped sink NBC's summer offering in June 2006 and, sadly, she's actually gotten worse. She's not playing the sad sack in this show, she's supposedly sexually provocative. So Parrilla does her same sad sack routine but also pops her eyes constantly as if that's going to turn anyone on.
The only reason to watch the show is to see Miriam Schor. Her role is a stereotype (and no, her character will not 'develop' over the summer -- even if the show survives). Janet Thompson is her character's name. She's a mother, wife of Rick Thompson, best friend of Susan Miller and the neighbor they leave behind when they make like a White version of The Jeffersons.
She's described as needy and clingy and she's supposed to be a bit of a prude. The latter is underscored when she enters a room at a party, finds Show's character in the midst of an orgy with countless women, refuses to kick off her shoes and leaves the party. We're not up on the proper etiquette for walking in on an ugly people's orgy, but unlike the sexist scripts, we won't blame Thompson for her reaction. It's the only drama in the entire hour.
Schor holds your attention in her supporting role. You don't care for Janet Thompson and you may not even care for the actress. She's playing the role 'straight' but it really seems like one of Molly Shannon's SNL character. We won't call it a bad acting choice because, when there's nothing on the page, you do what you can. And not only do your eyes automatically go to Schor in every scene she's in, you miss the tension she provides in all the dull scenes without her.
Molly Parker's supposed to be the lead but, other than the fawning camera work and careful lighting, you really can't tell. There's no character there. We're not even sure if there's an actress there. Laura Miller is endlessly . . . not in shock. Shock would be an emotion and there's never an emotion. It's more like a "Did that just happen?" doubt. Were we stuck with the role, we'd have plenty of doubts too.
Mainly, we'd wonder who in the world thought Jack Davenport could make it as a leading man? He's cast as Laura's husband Bruce. He's playing the same prig he did in Coupling but there's no laughtrack and, presumably, that's because this hour long show is supposed to be a drama.
When Janet storms out of the orgy, she does so after Laura and Bruce refuse to leave. Her husband Tom (played by Nick Benson in the only performance that can be called acting -- in the only performance that can be called a performance) will look sheepishly at Laura and Bruce. Parker will do another "Did that just happen?" look and we will next see Laura and Bruce the morning after, in their own bedroom, as they've just finished having sex. They will be wiped out and viewers are supposed to wonder, "Okay, they just had sex. But did they just have sex after a night at the orgy? Or is this great sex they supposedly had just the result of titillation at the party getting them all hot and bothered?"
Who knows and who cares. Bruce is running off to the shower. Laura will laugh and give her "Did that just happen?" look to the camera.
We assume the audience gives a "Did that just happen?" look as well. Mainly after they check the clocks and see they just lost an hour of their lives they're never getting back. At some point, CBS suits will be asking themselves, "Did that just happen?" when they watch the ratings sink week after week. What they should be asking is, "How did that happen?"
No question, CBS needs to shake their bran and Depends image. But we're not seeing how a show set in the mid-seventies does that? We're also not grasping how the sort of "swingers" that Steve Martin and Dan Ackroyd once sent up to huge laughs on Saturday Night Live are suddenly considered to be worthy of a weekly, hour long drama.
The show's too trashy to be 'high brow,' so the only thing that's going to fix it is to throw out the concept and turn it into pure soap. For that to work, you have to bring a Donna Mills or a Heather Locklear into the cast. Neither woman could be considered a "star" before they saved TV programs (Mills saved Knots Landing; Locklear helped save Dynasty and saved Melrose Place), but they were already "known." However, "known" works both ways and Swingtown's already being ridiculed so badly we're having a hard time thinking of any "known" actress who would be willing to sign up. Something's just can't be saved. We have a feeling that before summer's end, that's a point CBS will grasp.
