Dear Third Estate Sunday Review

Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
Do you really think you can parlay smart ass into a career?
Dustin, Nevada

Dear Dustin,
We gave serious consideration to your question. Dumb ass? What does that get anyone? Not much. Cute ass? Well, hate to break it to you, Dustin, but looks fade over time. Smart ass? Yeah, we'll go with that one. Thanks for your concern. We're touched that you worried about us and our smart asses.



Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
I'm really interested in the whole net thing. And I think I'm left. Or leftish. Or maybe just want people to think I'm leftish. I am prone to snit fits and love to tear into anyone I see as a little nobody. Which is basically anyone that isn't me. I fantasize of having a snit fit and bullying some kid. Any advice?
A Nobody

Dear A Nobody,
We think there's already a site that espouses your belief. If we're wrong, considering your core beliefs, we can't help you. No luck to you.

Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
I've recently discovered that when all of you get together, some of you smoke. I think that's a disgusting and vile habit and that you should be ashamed of yourselves for promoting smoking.
You are killing America's youth!
Pat in Dayton

Dear Pat,
We're rushing because we got to hit up the elementary playground and pass out smokes. But we appreciate your input and would remind you that if smoking offends you, you should find a nonsmoking section. Hold on, we'll check for you. What's that? Oh, Pat, sorry, non-smoking's filled. Guess you'll need to go somewhere else.
[For the record, those of us who smoke have not felt the need to point that out here. We haven't condemned it but we haven't advocated it. Considering that it's still legal, that will remain our position.]

Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
I don't get the big deal about Valerie Plame being outed. Can you sum it up in one sentence?
Gene in Yonkers

Dear Gene,
Valerie Plame was an undercover agent who was betrayed by her own government when she was outed for political reasons having to do with her husband. Does that nutshell it?

Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
I don't know if you've seen it or not, but Kat has trashed Carole King. I can't believe she'd do something like that! I really hope you'll have a word with her about this.
Kate, Boston

Dear Kate,
We actually have many words with her. (See our musical discussion with her, Jess and C.I. this edition.) Including, "Can we run the review here?" As for "trashing Carole King," we don't see it that way. It's written by a fan, by someone who knows and loves Carole King's work. The fact that she hates the album speaks to the passion and admiration she has for King's work. It's too bad that King doesn't have the same passion and admiration for the work or she might not have fucked up "Sweet Seasons."

Dear Third Estate Sunday Review,
Your writing is so full of life and so sexy. I'm wondering which of you is the sexiest in person?
Iwana, Oklahoma

Dear Iwana,
While Jim thinks he's too sexy for his briefs, too sexy for his briefs, thinks he's got too much . . .
The rest of us would have to say that sexy is in the beholder. Though we have candle holders and pan holders, none of us has a beholder that we're aware of; therefore, we're unfortunately unable to answer your question at this time.