We don't generally review the same show twice. So when we returned home this weekend and found a tape Fed-Ex-ed by a friend with a note, we were tempted to plead exhaustion and blow it off. We'd already reviewed NCIS in 2005. But the note dubbed the episode "highly offensive." Thinking that possibly Mark Harmon (Jethro) had contributed a nude butt scene, and desperately in need of a laugh, we figured, what the hell?
The shocks piled on quickly. Chief among them the fact that the now-in-its-fifth-season program's only asset is shot to hell. Bloated and chunky, we couldn't believe it had been only two years since we last saw Michael Weatherly (Tony) on screen. Was he prepping, we wondered, for a tele-flick entitled Tom Arnold: The Thick Years? A few quick calls demonstrated he wasn't prepping for anything because his name was colder than Donald the Rumsfled.
Though never reed-thin, he also didn't previously appear as though he were the first to make a beeline for the crafts table when a director yelled cut. Currently, he appears to be not only the first to arrive but the last to leave. And the fire flies . . .
It is a problem, a huge one, when the show still tries to churn out viewer interest in what passes for sparks between Tony and Ziva (played by Cote de Pablo) and adds in Nikki (new character played by Susan Kelechi Watson) to the mix. It's as though Raymond Burr's returned from the grave and been cast as a love object.
Equally disturbing is that the 'sexual tension' between Tony and Ziva already borders on inappropriate. That can possibly be dismissed by the notion that both are willing to continue the flirting dance but when Tony's encouraged in his flirting attempts towards Nikki by Ziva, we've entered a sexually charged work environment that could find Tony and Ziva up on charges since their behavior meets "The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome" (Nikki is not interested); and the harasser is a co-worker (we'd identify both Tony and Ziva of the harassers). Last year, 12,205 charges of sexual harassment were filed with the EEOC (financial penalties paid: $48.8 million).
Were we Nikki, we'd file immediately. We'd see the case as a slam dunk that even Naomi Churchill Earp and the rest of the EEOC board would have to agree with. Nikki's immediate supervisor becomes Jethro who is openly hostile her. He does nothing to clamp down on the sexually charged atmosphere and when Nikki goes to NCIS Director Jenny Shepard (Lauren Holly) to complain about Jethro's hostility towards her, Director Jenny allows her to make those private comments without ever informing her that Jethro's in the room. After Nikki's voiced her complaints, Jethro will announce his presence from the back of the room and the most Director Jenny (who had some past relationship with Jethro prior to the start of the series) can offer is to raise her eyebrows.
Only on CBS -- no where else, as bad as NBC is becoming and even with ABC offering up Cavemen -- could such crap air. Only on that network would it not raise an eye brow and be seen as normal work place behavior. CBS, once known as the Tiffany Network, now exists to 'normalize' sexual harassment. Everyone involved should be ashamed and embarrassed.
When we got done with the scenes above, we phoned the friend and said, "You're right, it is highly offensive." Turns out, we'd noticed something else.
So back to the tape we went, starting at the beginning where Lt. Michael Arnett (guest star in his first and only scene) is threatening to jump off a building to his death. Jethro and the 'boys' (Tony and another we'll get to shortly) arrive. Jethro breaks every rule in the book when it comes to dealing with a suicide (he also lies badly -- the remarks involving Arnett's sister would be seen through immediately in real life) but, this being TV, he convinces Arnett not to leap; however, a sniper fires on Arnett causing him to fall from the building.
Did the shot kill him or the fall? We're not really interested but we don't put "CIS" after our names. For a program entitled NCIS, that information is rather important. The NCIS team fumbles around for the bulk of the episode and, had anyone bothered to explore whether the shot or fall killed Arnett, possibly they could have come up with a profile of the killer. Of course, having some clues and descriptions to go on might have prevented the office 'hi jinks' and meandering storyline.
It also would have harmed Timothy McGee's (played rotundly by Sean Murray) special contribution to the episode. Murray's no actor. He is, however, the step-son of the show's creator (Donald Bellisano) which explains how a lack of looks and talent didn't prevent him from becoming a TV regular. (His step-sister Troian Bellisano sometimes pops up as his character's sister on the show.)
When you can't act, lack charisma and looks, it takes a special skill to stand out. The writers toss it to Bellisano via Robin Thomas -- a really effete actor who played both Demi Moore's smarmy boss Steve in About Last Night and the passion-impaired boyfriend of Angela's on Who's the Boss? -- Thomas' character in the latter was named "Geoffrey." On a show where the other characters have names like "Sam" (Alyssa Milano) and "Tony" (Tony Danza), dubbing Thomas' character "Geoffrey" was a sure indication to viewers that Thomas was playing a priss. On NCIS Thomas played Dr. Neil Fleming.
Not having bothered to figure out how Arnett died, the NCIS crew works through their own hunches. Tony's convinced the killer must be Dana Arnett -- the wife of the dead man. Why? It's always the wife, he explains as he attempts to pass himself off as some sort of movie expert. Good thing Arnett didn't have a butler or 'investigator' Tony's 'training' might have led to paralysis or a meltdown.
McGee has his own hunch. He thinks the killer is Dr. Fleming. And let's note, both 'boys' stick by their initial hunches throughout the episode. Evidence really isn't as important as pursuing your own prejudices. Tony's openly hostile to women (even his flirting is hostile). McGee?
He's openly hostile to the Constitution. Dr. Fleming participated in a protest to close Guantanamo and does not support the illegal war. That's enough for McGee to dub him "anti-government." Oh really?
Considering that both ventures exist outside of the rule of law, it takes a real asshole to claim that being opposed to either or both qualifies as "anti-government." As an asshole, Bellisano has finally found a role that his meager talents can handle.
Who is the killer? Maybe you're interested even though the show wasn't. An alleged crime drama played out -- for the hour -- like the op-ed pages of The Wall St. Journal. Sexual harassment was just 'funnin',' someone who cared about the rule of law was 'anti-government' and a natural suspect in a murder, women were money grubbing schemers . . . Every stereotype you could imagine was piled on including a screed against immigration that we'll get to shortly.
None of this nonsense is ever called out or even questioned. The closest to 'questioning' is Jenny's raised eye brows noted earlier -- apparently being the Director of NCIS allows for that 'editorial' comment.
Did Arnett die from the shooting or the fall? It does matter, even if the show doesn't give a damn. If he died from the shooting, then the killer is something of a professional with training. That would eliminate the doctor right away and lead them to probe the backgrounds of the other 'suspects' (besides the wife, Arnett's boss is suspected by Director Jenny). Eliminate the doctor right away? The 'team' appears to have, based on their remarks about Dr. Fleming, some sort of file on 'anti-government' types. That's how they know he's against Guantanamo and the illegal war. He doesn't tell them that, they confront him with it.
They have no file on the widow. Which suggests that the information on Fleming came not from their own investigation but from previous government surveillance.
It's a pity they didn't have a file on the widow, it's a pity that didn't bother to determine whether the bullet killed Arnett.
The wife was indeed the killer. Tony was right but for the wrong reason. Dana (Alaina Huffman) didn't kill her husband for the insurance policy, she killed him because of the work she did. See, Dana wasn't really "Dana." Though she looks cornfed and raised, Dana is actually Najida Mahmoud -- a Syrian al Qaeda agent! Smuggled into the country! Which allows for a little diatribe against immigration. This plot twist -- pretty major -- doesn't happen at the mid-way point and develop, it happens in the final section of the show suggesting that no one really gives a damn about the investigations on this show. [Abby (played by Pauley Perrette) discovers the truth about Dana via a DNA check of INTERPOL's database.]
If they don't give a damn about investigations, what do they give a damn about? Providing the increasingly feminized looking Mark Harmon (is he taking estrogen treatments?) something to do besides sue his sister for custody of his nephew? Well, yes, there is that.
But it's also a little, right-wing screed in which you seem to be catching George Will, Clarence Thomas and the likes in an office setting during their down time. If that doesn't concern you, maybe you're unaware that this episode of NCIS won the timeslot last Tuesday? Now granted, in the seventies, the numbers wouldn't be anything to brag about. But this racist screed (Ziva, for any unfamiliar with the fact that the name is Hebrew, is a Mossad agent whose sister was killed by Hamas) managed to work in attacks on immigration, attacks on American citizens who (rightly) questioned illegal activities, an endorsement of xenophobia, 'normalization' sexual harassment in the workplace and the Bully Boy's eternal cry of "Be Afraid, Be Very, Very Afraid" all in one slow hour.
On the plus side, this being CBS, no one need worry that it's instilling these beliefs in a large number of young people. (The bran and Depends set continues to make up the bulk of CBS' viewership hence only 10% of 18-49 year-olds tuned in last Tuesday.) Even so, it's appalling that this episode (or, in fact, the series itself) aired to begin with. Equally appalling is the fact that the friend insisting we tackle the show again is a higher up at CBS. When a network suit depends upon two TV critics to right the wrong, we'd argue the network's internal problems have gone beyond "messy." Prior to the seventies rebirth of CBS, a lot of crap cluttered up the network. Bravery was found in clearing all the retro trash from the airwaves and looking, if not to the future, to the present. It's past time CBS today demonstrated the same sound judgement.
That this hasn't already happened is as unbelievable as the episode's final scene. When, early on Nikki explains she wasn't aware Arnett was killed, disbelief is expressed since the murder was broadcast on live television. Arnett's widow will mention that her husband's parents are on their way into town. Yet the episode ends, much, much later, with Jethro picking up the phone and calling Arnett's sister to break the news to her that her brother is dead. Viewers willing to believe that a woman would be unaware of the televised death of her brother or that her own parents would come into town for the funeral without notifying her belong to the brain dead demographics that currently account for the bulk of CBS' audience. If voices of objections raised within the network can't kill the show, maybe the ad revenue will?