Wednesday, November 01, 2023

Interpreting Headlines to save you reading time

Blog Betty (Thomas Friedman is a Great Man was an online novel)

THE MADDOW BLOG offered "Asked about shootings, new House speaker says 'it's not guns'."  Mike Johnson feels the dead in Maine were injured, not by bullets, but by ejaculate.  "It happens," Mike insists.  "I once had to wear an eye patch for six weeks."




RAW STORY headlines "'I love all people'; Mike Johnson says he doesn't remember many of his homophobic remarks."  Mike Johnson has spewed so much homophobic hate that even he can't remember all of it. 



WEALTHY LIVING headlines "'Gender Madness' Former Transgender Influencer Oli London Sparks Controversy -- Claims Gender-Affirming Ideology Harmful to Children."  In other words, the British freak who had plastic surgery to look like South Korean music star Jimin -- repeated plastic surgeries, actually -- the freak who was a public atheist and then suddenly Christian, the freak who insisted he was a transgender woman, the freak who dated a porn actress, the freak whose family hates him because of his 'racial identity' (the White man claims he's South Korean), the freak who is a racist (specifically his statements about the penis size of Asian men -- but there are so many racist remarks he's made), the freak who's released 19 singles and none of them ever charted,  the freak -- Just leave it there.  A freak needs to make money and he's burned all of his bridges so he's now grifting from the right wing since all other support dried up.  

 


QUEERITY provided the headline "An astonishing number of voters in Arkansas think Sarah Huckabee Sanders" -- and on news aggregators it stops there.  To save you a click, "is a man."  "An astonishing number of voters in Arkansas thin Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a man."  And, you know what, they are right. 


INTO headlines, "Candace Owens blasts two-spirit identities before claiming 'I have many gay fans'" so you don't have to click, many gay fans or at least a lot of people begging her to have a much needed make over.

 
THE DAILY MAIL runs with "Ron DeSantis insists he does NOT wear heels when asked about his boots: Florida governor says they are 'off the rack' and rejects questions sparked by viral clip"  to which we reply, "Off the rack?  What kind of straight man says his clothes are off the rack?"