Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Interpreting Headlines to save you reading time

 Blog Betty (Thomas Friedman is a Great Man was an online novel)

OK magazine offers the headline "Bill Maher Makes Wild Claim about Trump."  Saving you the time, Maher claims that Donald is offering witness protection to anyone who will lie on the stand for him.  When they are not in the courtroom, Donald plans to house them in his spacious and newly remodeled rear end.  Bill Maher knew about this having spent several years there leasing a garden apartment just to the right of the anus.  



NEWSWEEK offers the headline "Video of Joe Biden On The Beach Sparks Outrage From Republicans."   What's going on?  They want to relegate Joe to a golf course the way Donald spent his time there during his presidency and after.  They cheer Donald on because they love his breasty boobs spilling out and jiggling in his golfing shirt.  Should Donald return to the White House, he plans to set up a Mama Leche clinic in the Oval Office in the hopes that he can start lactating.  


DAILY MOTION offers the headline "SHOCK MOMENT: Lindsay Graham Explodes On News Max Reporter."  What happened?  Lindsay later defended himself, insisting to anyone who listened, "I got consent for that facial.  I did."


"House Republicans sign 'Unity Pledge' ahead of next Speaker vote" TAG24 insists.  What's going on?  Lauren Boe-Boebert has been a little too free with the handy jays and so every Republican in the House is being asked to sign a "Unity Pledge" promising no sex will take place outside of marriage.  Matt Gaetz has asked, "This is just for adults, right?  It's still okay for me to pursue underage girls, right?"





LGBTQ NATION offers the headline "Fake medical group tells moms to submit to their husbands to keep their kids from being transgender."  Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert swear by this method . . . despite both women divorcing their husbands recently.

 

 

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This is a new recurring feature.  We kicked it off last month with "Responding to Conservative Headlines."