Repost from THE COMMON ILLS:
My Labor Day Weekend
Hope your Labor Day Weekend was better than mine.
A friend asked for a favor. Could I speak to one of their former clients?
By phone? No problem.
No, in person.
He lives in the valley. I did not want to go.
But he thinks he's dying -- he's thought that before. And the man he's spent his life with wants him to come out and called my friend.
"I'll send a car."
Yeah, you better because I'm not driving in the valley, let alone to it.
So he's an actor. Unlike some closeted actors and actresses, he can't insist his mother would be shocked -- his mother died long, long ago. How old is he? He's so old that ____ _____ once bearded for him back when she was a starlet -- a decade before she became a respectable actress and a winner of numerous awards.
He won an award too. Many, many decades ago.
He made a lot of movies.
He was like Orlando Bloom. He didn't really sell tickets but no one who went to the movies he was in felt like they'd been short changed. So he was more like Orlando Bloom than, for example, Josh Harnett.
He's been part of five classics -- one is a camp classic but it's a classic none the less. He was popular on the big screen but never a star. In TV, he'd finally become a star.
He's well over seventy and he won't step out of the closet. He's worried what people will think.
What people will think? Few think of him today and even fewer know he's alive.
By the time the sixties ended, so did his pretense of dating actresses. By the 80s, the never married status should have registered.
No one's going to be appalled. Coming out would be seen as brave. And if he truly is on the end cycle (again, he's thought this before but he's edging ever closer to 100 so this could be it), coming out would mean he would make the In Memoriam reel at the Academy Awards broadcast. It would also mean renewed interest in his work. He hasn't played a role in a film or TV show in over two decades.
It would also mean that it would come out (his being gay) on his terms. He could give a few interviews as his life wound down (if he is indeed dying) and talk about what is was like coming up in Hollywood in the fifties. There would be tremendous interest for historical, sociological and media reasons.
The more we talked, the more obvious it was that nothing was going to happen re: his coming out. I offered to hook him up with Lily Tomlin because in our only conversation before this one -- a conversation that took place over 30 years ago -- he'd expressed that he was a fan of Lily Tomlin's and then, he leaned in, and sotto voice added, "I've heard she's gay." To which I replied, "You mean like you."
Is that why, all these years later, his former publicist had arranged this meeting? No. It was because, I was told by the actor, I was known for not sugar coating. That reputation's been there for years but it was when the Iraq War was about to start and I told off a roomful of big names as they tried to figure out how best to 'message' what was coming -- as opposed to standing up against it -- that the reputation really took hold. I didn't realize what a bitch I was considered -- and I'm fine with that. I did rip people apart -- fake ass, faux lefties who are held up as heroes by a public that doesn't know better. I don't regret a word I said (and I'm very grateful to the friend, a film director, who stood up and walked out of the room with me) and it was past time that someone said it to those fake asses.
Apparently, the actor feels the country has gone astray (it has) with one war after another and, as a veteran himself, he has loved hearing about that moment when I told off a bunch of fake asses. (It's rather notorious within the industry.)
I told him the truth. He can act on it or not.
Not only would it be good for his image -- coming out -- it would be good for others who need role models. The man's not had any scandals in his life -- no arrests for drug use or what have you. When people do think of him, they think of him fondly because he didn't wear out his welcome.
It would also be good because someone's going to talk after he's dead. Better he be the one to talk about it now.
It would also be good because he had two strong, loving relationships that I know of and it would be good for him to honor what he had with those two men. (I'm referring to an earlier relationship many years ago as well as his current one. To be clear, these two strong relationships were at different times in his life.)
I don't think it worked. Maybe it will as he continues to think about it. Maybe it won't.
But it's sad that all these years later, this man well over 70, can't come out -- or at least, can't come out with some persuasion.