This week, we voted Cary Grant's top ten best films.
I was campaigning for GUNGA DIN.
It didn't even make the list.
At first, I was speechless.
I took to my bed and enjoyed cheap wine but no drugs because that's not my style.
It is my style to whine endlessly.
So to my wife Dona, I whined and whined.
Why?
Why?
I had the best film.
Did I let the film down.
Finally, I showered, shaved and went for a hike in the woods where I pestered strangers asking them if they'd take selfies with me.
Then it began to dawn on me -- Ann and Dallas are on FACEBOOK!
It was the Russians!
They must have bought ads on social media.
And then I thought about the other voters -- guys like Jess, Mike and Cedric and how they're female partners were present.
They couldn't vote the way they would have because of that!
It's not their fault that they're stupid and unable to stand up for themselves.
And I thought of how the media was out to get me, refusing to cover my promotion of GUNGA DIN.
I realized that the loss was the fault of everyone else.
It wasn't my fault!
Now I plan to write a book entitled WHAT HAPPENED FOR REAL.
Stay tuned.