Dolly Parton advises in Steel Magnolias, "It is essential to stay abreast of the latest styles."
With that in mind, we checked out the political coverage of the tabloids.
The Globe puts Barack on the cover with "After devastating election disaster OBAMA'S SECRET MENTAL BREAKDOWN."
"Barack is a broken man," "a D.C. insider" tells the tabloid.
He's said to be "boozing more to try to ease his pain," "sobbing" at night, and "wandering the White House halls talking to portraits of dead Presidents."
And the tabloid states that he has declared, "I'll resign before they can impeach me."
They also declare a jealous Michelle Obama is "convinced her husband's been cheating."
Even worse, following the election, as Barack "begged" Michelle for help, she snapped, "Man up! You've destroyed my life, too."
The affairs?
The National Examiner proclaims on the cover "OBAMA HID GAY LIFESTYLE TO BE PRESIDENT."
The publication maintains, "If this stuff had leaked out, Obama would be unemployed instead of in the White House."
The article links Barack in a hot and heavy affair with Larry Sinclair, to the death of choir director Donald Young, notes "Harlem preacher James David Manning" has claimed Barack had a sexual affair with Jeremiah Wright, that Wayne Madsen ("former naval intelligence officer") "claims then-Illinois state Sen. Obama frequented Chicago's Man's Country bathhouse, a well-known hookup place for gays." They even bring in "Windy City homosexual Kevin DuJan" to insist that Barack "is not bi-sexual -- he's homosexual."