Caroline: I can't believe we got hired so quickly. And I can't believe I'm a medium apron.
Max: And I can't believe I'm working for a corporate coffee place. This might be the lowest point of my life. And my mom once lost me in a craps game behind a casino.
-- Max (Kat Dennings) and Caroline (Beth Behrs) takes brief jobs at Starbucks in order to learn how to work a new cappuccino machine (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).
Kevin Smith: Ah, thank God,, man, I'm always so worried they're going to stick me with someone skinny and then I got to put up with their skinny stink-eye the whole flight.
Mindy: Excuse me.
Kevin Smith: Yeah, just like that.
Mindy: I'm sorry, sir, I am a petite Asian woman.
Kevin Smith: So am I. Look, all I'm saying is you and me, chubs like us, we got to stick together in the sky.
Mindy: How dare you.
-- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) takes a flight and meets director Kevin Smith (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).
Dick Butkus: I wish Halloween was eight nights!
Larry Bird: Family, a mission. We shall take the two best holidays on this planet and combine them into one ultimate holiday.
Jackie Joyner-Kersee: Great! I'm in! But how does one celebrate Flag Day Ramadan?
-- aliens Larry Bird (Simon Templeman), Dick Butkus (Ian Patrick) and Jackie Joyner-Kersee (Toks Olagundoye) discuss earth holidays (The Neighbors, ABC Fridays).
Jason: So Mindy, what did you think of the movie?
Mindy: I thought it was very real.
Jason: Okay.
Mindy: I thought they looked like people that would be in line behind me at the bank. I was not sure why we paid money to see it.
Jason: Okay, because for me it was refreshing to see normal people falling in love in a movie.
Mindy: I have not yet tired of seeing hot people fall in love.
Jason: Ah, so you want to see a movie where, like, Rachel McAdams is the ugly duckling who-who's always the bridesmaid but can never find Mr. Right?
Mindy: When does that movie come out? Because that sounds amazing.
-- -- Mindy (Mindy Kaling) goes out on a first date with Jason (Ben Feldman) (The Mindy Project, Fox Tuesdays).
Sydney: Okay, so maybe I might have this recurring fantasy or something.
Andrew: Oh. Well we could share.
Sydney: Okay, so I'm in Hawaii.
Andrew: I'm listening.
Sydney: And there's a tsunami.
Andrew: Of course.
Sydney: And I'm on the beach and everyone is washed away. But then I look up and there's one half-naked man. And that's when I realize it's the Dole executive I've been trying to meet. So I put on my blazer and give him the pitch of my life.
Andrew: That's the single stupidest sexual fantasy I've ever heard.
Sydney: It's a recurring fantasy.
Andrew: It's about work.
Sydney: So what?
Andrew: It's incredibly sad.
-- Sydney (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Andrew (Hamish Linklater) share at work (The Crazy Ones, CBS Thursdays).
Christy: Violet, do you have any old underwear Roscoe can wear?
Violet: Seriously? You haven't screwed him up enough?
Christy: It's a yes or no question.
Violet: So was mine.
Christy: Forget it, I'll just buy him some on the way to school.
Violet: Uh, that reminds me, I'm going to need some money for some new jeans. I'm like seriously bloated lately.
Christy: Violet, you're like seriously pregnant lately . And you have a job, you want new jeans, spend your own money.
Violet: I'm not wasting my money on fat pants.
Christy: Oh,, so you're okay to waste mine?
Violet: Well I was hoping that --
Christy: Listen, Juno, the minute you got pregnant, life as you know it ended. It's time you got ready for the dream sucking monster which is about to shoot out of your hoo-ha and gobble up your life.
Violet: You're a horrible woman.
Christy: And soon you'll be one too.
-- Christy (Anna Faris) and her daughter Violet (Sadie Calvano) discuss motherhood (Mom, CBS Mondays).
Andrew: The only reason you're criticizing her is because you don't even know her.
Sydney: It's because I know you. And look at you. You're smart and funny and tall. And you're none of those things when you're dating her.
Andrew: She makes me less tall?
Sydney: You know what I mean.
-- Sydney (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Andrew (Hamish Linklater) share at work on The Crazy Ones (The Crazy Ones, CBS Thursdays).
Amber: So, Halloween. I was thinking I would go as young Yoko Ono and you could go as old Yoko Ono because we already have the hair.
-- Amber (Clara Mamet) explains their couple's costume to Reggie (Tim Jo) (The Neighbors, ABC Fridays).
Caroline: Morning, Sophie.
Sophie: You caught me! I'm doing the walk of shame! And you know what that means, right? I was having sex all night with a stranger!
Max: I had sex with a guy all night once. At least that's what he said. I fell asleep at ten.
Caroline: Sophie, come in. We wanted to ask you something important.
Sophie: Oh, okay. Well I'll tell you, I don't think you're going to make it in the cupcake business.
Caroline: Not what the psychic in the subway told me but duly noted. Actually, it's more of a personal question.
Sophie: Okay, well I personally don't think you're going to make it in the cupcake business.
Caroline: No, the question's about Oleg.
Sophie: Well yeah, he agrees with me.
Max: For God's sake just tell her before she tells us we're going to wind up in some disgusting apartment hiding from our pimp.
Caroline: Okay, okay, Sophie, do you ever think about getting back together with Oleg?
-- Max (Kat Dennings) watches Caroline (Beth Behrs) try to play matchmaker with Sophie (Jennifer Coolidge) on Oleg's behalf (2 Broke Girls, CBS Mondays).
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