And not even his best bud Leroy could help him shake the mood. Jonah wanted an iPad. He had an iPod. He had an iPhone. But no iPad.
"iMad?" joked Leroy.
But Jonah was not laughing.
His mind was a gerbil, his body an oil-soaked rag. It was not a combination conducive to deep thought.
Leroy had a gift for his friend who had stopped off at 7-11 for a 12-pack of Activia. Hearing Jonah's skateboard zip up the driveway, Leroy hurried to the door, opening it just as Jonah rang the doorbell.
"What's that smell?" a distracted Jonah asked as he entered.
"iSmell?"
Jonah spotted a package on the coffee table. He started at Leroy for two nanoseconds.
"My birthday present?"
He lunged for it, ripping it open and shouting with joy and laughter.
"iPad."
"Yes, and just what I wanted and needed!" Jonah agreed as he hurried to plug it into the wall socket and charge it up.
As Jonah did an end zone dance around the room, Trevor, Leroy's large pit bull, roused from sleeping and looked around. He eyed the iPad. Jonah saw the dog staring at it but still couldn't believe it when Trevor did something crazy, snapped his jaw around the iPad and made a mad dash around Jonah and out the open front door.
"iSad," declared Leroy.
Behind Leroy's house, Jonah struggled through the weeds and vines in search of Trevor and his iPad.
Just when he thought he saw Trevor, a pack of feral pitbulls suddenly appeared and latched onto him, two mouths grabbing each pant leg and the largest charging at him and knocking him to the ground. Dazed, Jonah yieled to the furry onslaught and collapsed.
Jonah awoke with a throbbing head and prostate, amidst a pack of dogs who'd decided he was now both one of them and their bitch.
At his own home, Leroy wondered if he'd ever see Jonah again? And would Trevor return or just e-mail?
Life was like ripened avocados -- soft and squishy. He blamed Steve Jobs for that.