TV had some strong moments last week in the field of funny. We've narrowed down the week's best.
Neil: I don't know what this means, just yet, I'm not attracted to all men. And you don't have to worry, I'm not attracted to you.
Mark: Okay, well you don't have to be hurtful.
-- Neil (Maulik Pancholy) telling his friends he's attracted to a guy and Mark (Dan O'Brien) not taking it so well, Whitney (NBC, Wednesdays).
When I rank all the things that make me want to die, it goes: Books, snakes, PBS, a cappella.
-- Jules (Courtney Cox), Cougar Town (Tuesdays, ABC).
Penny: You guys, she's not going to do anything to the food if she's a professional. Max: Yeah, well, when I was a waiter, I was a professional too. Unless you did something I didn't like. And then I introduced your eggs Benedict to my eggs and Benedict.
Brad: He's talking about his Sackman and Throbbin.
-- Penny (Casey Wilson), Max (Adam Pally) and Brad (Damon Wayans, Jr.) on whether or not a waitress might 'season' their food. Happy Endings (ABC, Wednesdays).
Sam: Wow that's a great smile.
Melanie: Oh, thank you! I use bleaching strips. Why do I say things like that?
-- Melanie (Valerie Bertinelli) meets a new guy (Reid Scott). Hot In Cleveland, (TV Land, Wednesdays).
I can't take this anymore, okay? I just had a baby. And I haven't washed my hair or taken a shower since we went to that stupid French food restaurant in the first place. And every time I go to the market she cries and people look at me like I'm a bad Mommy! And it's because I have no sleep, I have no sleep! And I feel like everything itches! And I have a hemorrhoid, I know I have a hemorrhoid!
-- Sloane (Chelsea Handler) explaining to Chelsea (Laura Prepon) that she needs to pull it together, Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC, Wednesdays)
Fran: Judy, talk to her. Tell her there's nothing wrong with me going out with Matthew.
Judy: I don't see anything wrong with it. I dated my sister's husband for a little while.
Fran: Oh? When did they get separated?
Judy: They're talking about it now.
-- Fran (Fran Drescher) wants to date her former brother-in-law and seeks advice from Judy (Tichina Arnold), Happily Divorced (TV Land, Wednesdays).
Roxanne: I got here as soon as I could. Alright, so tell me, what's going to blow my mind out my butt?
Whitney: We just saw Neil on a date.
Roxanne: Wow. That's huge.
Whitney: With another guy.
Roxanne: Wow. I played my huge card too early.
-- Roxanne (Rhea Seehorn) reacting to the news from Whitney (Whitney Cummings), Whitney (NBC, Wednesdays).
Laurie: Oh, I could really go for some hot wings. I love spicy foods so hard. I think it's because my mom gave birth to me after a night of pounding Bloody Marys at a Whitesnake after party. I was a jacuzzi baby -- born and conceived in one.
Jules: Books, snakes, PBS, a cappella groups, that story.
-- Laurie (Busy Philipps) sharing with Jules (Courtney Cox), Cougar Town (Tuesdays, ABC)