TV had some strong moments last week in the field of funny. We've narrowed down the week's best.
No, I don't wear scrunchies or short-shorts or tube-tops. You know what this means? Somewhere Heather Graham is naked.
-- Whitney (Whitney Cummings) going through a box containing items her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend left behind, Whitney (NBC, Wednesdays)
I thought we were having a successful business relationship! I thought the same thing with Suge Knight and Ira Glass! You guys are all alike!
-- Ava (Maya Rudolph) to Luke (Steven Pasquale) after he tries to come on to her, Up All Night (NBC, Thursdays)
Grayson: Okay, here, Bobby, go like this, purse your lips a little, like. What? It's what we did when I was an underwear model for Montgomery Ward.
Bobby: You just tried to slip that one in there, didn't you?
Grayson: There are two types of underwear models: Front guys and butt guys. I was both.
Travis: He said proudly. Alright, Dad, Grayson in bikini briefs, think about it.
Grayson: It's not a sad thing.
-- Travis (Dan Byrd) is attempting to take photos of his father Bobby (Brian Van Holt) that do not like staged while Grayson (Josh Hopkins) offers advice, Cougar Town (ABC, Tuesdays).
Tom: Damn, those pants look dope! Oh my God, those look great! And I bet they'd look even better on Ben's floor.
Ben: Are you hitting on Leslie for me?
Ann: Wait a second, just turn around.
Leslie: What?
Tom: Oh. It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And since it's on the butt there's other implications as well. So those are a maybe.
-- Leslie (Amy Poehler) shops for a new look as Tom (Aziz Ansari), Ann (Rashida Jones) and Ben (Adam Scott) look on, Parks and Recreations (NBC, Thursdays).
Dee Dee: Stop playing with it and put it in your mouth!
Chelsea: It's not the first time I heard that.
-- A starving Dee Dee (Lauren Lapkus), in the midst of a cleanse, yelling at Chelsea (Laura Prepon) to eat the sandwich she is waiving around, Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC, Wednesdays).
Joy: You know between this and jail and zoo, we certainly sleep together a lot.
Elka: That thought is scarier than this book.
-- frenemies Joy (Jane Leaves) and Elka (Betty White) in bed together, Hot In Cleveland (Wednesdays, TV Land).
I didn't want to do this, but I will. Penny, we are not going out like this -- me crying about Grant, you crying about your stuff -- whatever, I wasn't paying attention. This is our John Hughes film and those guys are clearly the bad guys -- one being little and blond and fit, the other looking like Greg Kinnear. And they are so clearly not Jewish. I don't need to tell you this, Pen. You are the assistant curator to the original John Hughes Museum -- which, for the purpose of this pep talk, I will choose to believe is a real thing and not the first act of an after school special.
-- Max (Adam) to Penny (Casey Wilson) who is on the verge of dropping out of the scavenger hunt, Happy Endings (Wednesdays, ABC)
Judy: You're falling down that Elliot hole.
Fran: It's called acting, Judy. You forget what a good actress I was in college.
Judy: Frannie, I've seen you in West Side Story. And the audience yelled, "Forget Tony! Shoot her!"
-- Judy (Tichina Arnold) attempting to reason with Fran (Fran Drescher), Happily Divorced (TV Land, Wednesdays).
Energy secretary Steven Chu said his goal is to decrease our dependence on foreign oil but not to lower gas prices. When Chu said that, Republicans were like, 'Oh no, Chu, didn't.'"
-- Jimmy Fallon, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, late nights)
Alex: It wasn't a real engagement. She was always so needy and clingy and then her grandfather died and I wanted to make her feel better so I panicked and I proposed to her at the funeral.
Whitney: I don't think Zales will be using that story any time soon.
-- Alex (Chris D'Elia) explaining his previous engagement to current girlfriend Whitney (Whitney Cummings), Whitney (NBC, Wednesdays)
Olivia: I had sex three times last night in a Ford Focus and my back is killing me.
Chelsea: Hatchback?
Olivia: No, missionary.
Rick: No, no, no, this is good. While we're on that subject, guys, no one has sex in the bathroom anymore.
Nikki: He's right nobody does have sex in the bathroom.
Chelsea: Don't worry, Rick, we're on it.
Rick: No, no, no. Guys come on, I'm serious. I don't want anyone smoking pot in there either.
Olivia: Well where are we supposed to smoke pot?
Chelsea: I'm not going in the alley. I am a lady.
-- new manager Rick (Jake McDorman) holds a staff meeting with input from Olivia (Ali Wong), Chelsea (Laura Prepon) and Nikki (Natasha Leggero), Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC, Wednesdays).
Max: You got to let the cart pick you. This one's telling me not to pick it. Ew, she's got a sweet ride but something bad happened in here.
Penny: Are you serious right now?
Max: A hate crime. A baby committed a hate crime on another baby. This one. This war horse is born to run.
-- Max (Adam) and Penny (Casey Wilson) selecting a shopping cart for the final leg of the scavenger hunt, Happy Endings (Wednesdays, ABC).
Grayson: See, this was my boxer brief pose [makes a forlorn face]. But if I was modeling racer briefs, I'd just arch my back a little and maybe pop the cheeks like so, boom! Hmm. Miss those days.
Ellie: You and no one else on earth.
Grayson: The male prisoners who keep my fan site active strongly disagree.
-- Grayson (Josh Hopkins) reliving his past glory to the dismay of Ellie (Christa Miller), Cougar Town (Tuesdays, ABC).
-- Travis (Dan Byrd) is attempting to take photos of his father Bobby (Brian Van Holt) that do not like staged while Grayson (Josh Hopkins) offers advice, Cougar Town (ABC, Tuesdays).
Tom: Damn, those pants look dope! Oh my God, those look great! And I bet they'd look even better on Ben's floor.
Ben: Are you hitting on Leslie for me?
Ann: Wait a second, just turn around.
Leslie: What?
Tom: Oh. It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex. And since it's on the butt there's other implications as well. So those are a maybe.
-- Leslie (Amy Poehler) shops for a new look as Tom (Aziz Ansari), Ann (Rashida Jones) and Ben (Adam Scott) look on, Parks and Recreations (NBC, Thursdays).
Dee Dee: Stop playing with it and put it in your mouth!
Chelsea: It's not the first time I heard that.
-- A starving Dee Dee (Lauren Lapkus), in the midst of a cleanse, yelling at Chelsea (Laura Prepon) to eat the sandwich she is waiving around, Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC, Wednesdays).
Joy: You know between this and jail and zoo, we certainly sleep together a lot.
Elka: That thought is scarier than this book.
-- frenemies Joy (Jane Leaves) and Elka (Betty White) in bed together, Hot In Cleveland (Wednesdays, TV Land).
I didn't want to do this, but I will. Penny, we are not going out like this -- me crying about Grant, you crying about your stuff -- whatever, I wasn't paying attention. This is our John Hughes film and those guys are clearly the bad guys -- one being little and blond and fit, the other looking like Greg Kinnear. And they are so clearly not Jewish. I don't need to tell you this, Pen. You are the assistant curator to the original John Hughes Museum -- which, for the purpose of this pep talk, I will choose to believe is a real thing and not the first act of an after school special.
-- Max (Adam) to Penny (Casey Wilson) who is on the verge of dropping out of the scavenger hunt, Happy Endings (Wednesdays, ABC)
Judy: You're falling down that Elliot hole.
Fran: It's called acting, Judy. You forget what a good actress I was in college.
Judy: Frannie, I've seen you in West Side Story. And the audience yelled, "Forget Tony! Shoot her!"
-- Judy (Tichina Arnold) attempting to reason with Fran (Fran Drescher), Happily Divorced (TV Land, Wednesdays).
Energy secretary Steven Chu said his goal is to decrease our dependence on foreign oil but not to lower gas prices. When Chu said that, Republicans were like, 'Oh no, Chu, didn't.'"
-- Jimmy Fallon, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, late nights)
Alex: It wasn't a real engagement. She was always so needy and clingy and then her grandfather died and I wanted to make her feel better so I panicked and I proposed to her at the funeral.
Whitney: I don't think Zales will be using that story any time soon.
-- Alex (Chris D'Elia) explaining his previous engagement to current girlfriend Whitney (Whitney Cummings), Whitney (NBC, Wednesdays)
Olivia: I had sex three times last night in a Ford Focus and my back is killing me.
Chelsea: Hatchback?
Olivia: No, missionary.
Rick: No, no, no, this is good. While we're on that subject, guys, no one has sex in the bathroom anymore.
Nikki: He's right nobody does have sex in the bathroom.
Chelsea: Don't worry, Rick, we're on it.
Rick: No, no, no. Guys come on, I'm serious. I don't want anyone smoking pot in there either.
Olivia: Well where are we supposed to smoke pot?
Chelsea: I'm not going in the alley. I am a lady.
-- new manager Rick (Jake McDorman) holds a staff meeting with input from Olivia (Ali Wong), Chelsea (Laura Prepon) and Nikki (Natasha Leggero), Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC, Wednesdays).
Max: You got to let the cart pick you. This one's telling me not to pick it. Ew, she's got a sweet ride but something bad happened in here.
Penny: Are you serious right now?
Max: A hate crime. A baby committed a hate crime on another baby. This one. This war horse is born to run.
-- Max (Adam) and Penny (Casey Wilson) selecting a shopping cart for the final leg of the scavenger hunt, Happy Endings (Wednesdays, ABC).
Grayson: See, this was my boxer brief pose [makes a forlorn face]. But if I was modeling racer briefs, I'd just arch my back a little and maybe pop the cheeks like so, boom! Hmm. Miss those days.
Ellie: You and no one else on earth.
Grayson: The male prisoners who keep my fan site active strongly disagree.
-- Grayson (Josh Hopkins) reliving his past glory to the dismay of Ellie (Christa Miller), Cougar Town (Tuesdays, ABC).