Our first suggestion is, "Don't panic."
Our second is skip the grocery store. If it's empty, you're out of luck. Same with the drug store. Go for a department store. A Target, Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Big Lots, you name it.
Let's start with that, in fact, the emergency pull together gift.
When the shelves are empty, what can you do?
If you're shopping for a non-romantic at a department store, you can immediately head to the DVDs and video games. Pick something out there. You'll be fine -- as long as they like it -- because you remembered and that's all that mattered.
But if he or she is a romantic, you're in even more luck.
What color are those candles? Red. And those pillows? And that jar or vase? Again: red.
Using red or pink, you can go through house wares and pull together a gift that looks like you planned it. For example? Go get some plush, large red towels, grab some red candles, some bubble bath and you've got the starter for a romantic evening.
But using red and/or pink, you can go through housewares and find a number of gifts that will allow you to appear to have planned it all out ahead of time.
Let's move to a less desperate shopper. There are still V-Day gifts on the shelves, however, they're not anything you'd normally pick up. Here's a test. Which bear do you grab?
Unless you're valentine is a Star Wars freak, you don't grab the Star Wars bear. It is a nicer bear but unless you're shopping for a Star Wars freak, it is the last one you grab. (And if you grab it for someone who may tell you where to shove the force, be sure to pull off the Star Wars sticker on the shirt. It will come off. The t-shirt on the bear will not.)
Even less desperate is the person who finds a ton of stuff at the store but it's not stuff they want, it's stuff they'd call crap. Quick, what box of chocolates would you pick below in such a situation?
If you guessed the Panda, good! You understand kitsch. When all that is available is awful, pretend that you were sending up V-Day.
This will mean a series of (cheap) gifts. Not just one. It needs to appear planned and part of a motif. Which below qualifies as kitsch?
No, not the milk chocolate fish. That's not kitsch, it's crap and only if your valentine loves chocolate and loves fishing might they like to nibble on a chocolate fish. Hello Kitty! That's kitsch. "Look, it's little nail polish and lip gloss!" You can laugh over it together.
It's also a known brand which won't make it appear cheap. Let's say you don't have the knack for kitsch. But there are a few gifts left. Let's say these two are available.
Do you go with no-name offering candy heart messages or candy corn or do you go with the Hershey kisses canister?
No one but four-year-olds wants those sugary heart candies with the little messages written on them and candy corn? Anything you'd throw back at someone on Halloween isn't something you want to give for Valentine's Day.
And the sugary no-name candies? They're in a paper container (you probably can't tell that from the photo). The Hershey kisses come in a nice, solid, metal canister.
Which brings us to canisters. You can't figure anything out but you see some candy. Not candy in a box, but some candy you can pull together. Should you?
Yes. But go find -- remember you're at a department store -- a canister first. It'll be in housewares.
You've bought the canister, you've bought the candy. Do you add it to the canister in the package or do you take it out of the package? You take it out. Especially if you're using the M&Ms below.
That packaging screams CHEAP!
"Sweet sayings" looks an awful lot like "sweet savings." You're already assembling a gift, you don't want your valentine wrongly reading the package and insisting that you don't think they're worth spending a little money on.
If you follow the tips above and use your noggin, even last minute shoppers can pull together a semi-respectable Valentine's Day gift. Just remember to avoid the lips.
A sugar cookie badly dyed is not anyone's idea of a tasty treat.