Who's left? The top 5 UK progressives

When Rolling Stone makes a list of so-called important lefties, you just roll your eyes knowing how Jann Wenner manipulates every list the magazine runs and tell yourself it's a list of men Jann wants to sleep with and women he thinks would make good roll hags. But when it's The New Statesman, that's another kettle of fish altogether.

And you might puzzle over the assertion that neoliberal Rachel Maddow (War Hawk under Bush, War Hawk under Barack) is on the list or that so is the blogger whose family allegedly had close ties to/ran death squads in El Salvador, as well as other B-list celebrities. Not enough talent in there to make for a good episode of Password. And nothing remotely left for the bulk of the list. Where's Michael Ratner, for example? Cindy Sheehan? Cynthia McKinney? It's all so confusing.

At least until you discover the piece is 'written' by TV personality and Johann Hari lackey Medhi Hasan. In a token of good will across the Atlantic, we decided to match the 'work' Hasan did by compiling one of our own.

Who's left? The top 5 UK progressives




1) Tom Hardy. With one smouldering look, he explains how empire and conquest was once so appealing! Said to cause global warming in the panties of many women and in the briefs of 1 out of 10 men.



2) Patricia Routledge. Reportedly her Hyancinth Bucket was based on the posers at The New Statesman.





3) Mark Watson. Essayist, thinker, geophysicist and monologist. More responsible for the state of England than the Royal Family and David Cameron combined.




4) Alice Goodwin. The deepest thinker in all of Great Britian. When the Dahli Lama is perplexed, he calls Alice. An educator of the soul (hence the glasses).




5) Ben Cohen. The economic guru of England. Macro, micro, Indonesian, Polynesian, Ben Cohen can sniff it out. In his spare time, he also likes a good round of football.


Just five? Well the UK is much smaller than the USA. But we think our list is as comprehensive as that of The New Statesman. As a bonus, the people on our list are actually talented!