With Oprah going off the air next month (May 25th), we thought we'd help ease the pain by providing a list of Oprah's Favorite Things for Summer 2011.
1) Man boobs!!!! Jesse Metcalfe and Barack Obama, get ready to go topless again! Oprah says you're in!
2) Wars!!!! Having done her part and then some to get the US into the Iraq War and having supported War Hawk Barack with the lie that he was 'anti-war,' Oprah hopes to introduce more wars before the year is over. Join her in planning July celebrations with the theme Tehran Takedown.
3) Fake diets!!!! Lose dollars but not pounds by following Oprah's latest diet craze that will not let you or her keep the pounds off.
4) Cellulite!!!! See above.
5) Idaho Spud candy bar!!!!! The big O intends to use some of the last bits of her waning popularity to turn one of the worst candies in US history into a hit!!!!
6) Kumis!!!! The hot drink for summer that sounds like "kiss"!!! Oprah says Tolstoy once drank it and that's good enough for her!!! It's fun to make!!!! And tasty!!!!! Who knew mare's milk could be so good!!!!!
7) Kicky Matt Bonner's New Balance shoes! See, they start out sneakers and end up sandles!!!!
8) Mumus!!!! They hide big hips and big bellies while also honoring the home state of the president!!! Can you say "cover up"?
9) Beards!!!!! Need to cover something up? Get a beard!!!!!!
10) Privacy!!!! No more pesky fans to deal with at tapings!!!! Or even tapings!!!! Just Oprah & Gayle!!! Oprah & Gayle!!! Oprah and Gayle!!!! And Kumis!!!!! And mumus!!!! And summer!!!!!