Flipping through the June 28, 2007 issue of Rolling Stone, we stumbled upon "Rock's New Mission: Save the Planet" and it was like watching Laurie, Keith and the rest deboard the Partridge Family bus.
Brave Melissa Etheridge shares that she uses biodiesel when on tour. She's "walking that path" and even recycling! She says that "it's a real freedom. It feels great." Can she stay silent on Iraq? YES, SHE CAN! Brave Melissa. We bow before your easy and pathetic activism. Apparently, an open lesbian can only push the envelope so far -- even when her days of charting are long over. (And they are, hon, they really, really are.)
Alicia Keys want to share why she's taking part in a concert too, all are going to be on stages standing up for Al Gore, even if they won't stand up against the illegal war. The environment's topped her cause list because, "All of my favorite artists -- Nina Simone, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayefield -- have always been a voice for the people. Their music is real-life stories, war stories, painful stories, and, that's why it connects." We couldn't agree more, but Alicia, where's you war song?
Brave Melissa Etheridge shares that she uses biodiesel when on tour. She's "walking that path" and even recycling! She says that "it's a real freedom. It feels great." Can she stay silent on Iraq? YES, SHE CAN! Brave Melissa. We bow before your easy and pathetic activism. Apparently, an open lesbian can only push the envelope so far -- even when her days of charting are long over. (And they are, hon, they really, really are.)
Alicia Keys want to share why she's taking part in a concert too, all are going to be on stages standing up for Al Gore, even if they won't stand up against the illegal war. The environment's topped her cause list because, "All of my favorite artists -- Nina Simone, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayefield -- have always been a voice for the people. Their music is real-life stories, war stories, painful stories, and, that's why it connects." We couldn't agree more, but Alicia, where's you war song?
Or is singing tired Pam Sawyer covers your way of 'stepping up'? Please tell us that you're not still trying to pass off "Wake Up" as 'maybe' about the Iraq war. "You used to be my closest ally/ In this cold, cold world of deception and lies/ We would defend and protect one another/ Now I can't tell if we're enemies or lovers/ So who's gonna rescue us from ourselves . . ." Love between a client state and a imperial power? Stop yourself before you decide to write an ode to Sally Hemings.
Dave Matthews wants you to know that the cause is all "about saving ourselves." Which apparently explains his silence on Iraq (or maybe he just can't work out a 'jam' on the topic of war?). Translation, Iraqis, save yourself because Dave Matthews has other things to do. Such as? He explains that he's all local these days, even riding a bike (doesn't appear to have reduced the belly). Local is one answer, Matthews explains by noting he "can walk to the store. I can walk to the doughnut shop" -- might want to lay off those crawlers -- "I can walk to get a cup of coffee." He explains that he has guilted over touring and the damage fuel does to the environment.
Dave Matthews wants you to know that the cause is all "about saving ourselves." Which apparently explains his silence on Iraq (or maybe he just can't work out a 'jam' on the topic of war?). Translation, Iraqis, save yourself because Dave Matthews has other things to do. Such as? He explains that he's all local these days, even riding a bike (doesn't appear to have reduced the belly). Local is one answer, Matthews explains by noting he "can walk to the store. I can walk to the doughnut shop" -- might want to lay off those crawlers -- "I can walk to get a cup of coffee." He explains that he has guilted over touring and the damage fuel does to the environment.
Strangely, for such a pro-environmenter, he mentions nothing about the band's bus dumping an alleged 800 pounds of human waste into the Chicago River. There were denials, of course, and there was a law suit and, finally, there was the bus driver pleading guilty.
Maybe Dave Matthews doesn't see that as "pollution"? Maybe he sees it as 'trinkets and souvenirs' left for the fans. 800 pounds of human waste dumped into the Chicago River? Again, lay off the crawlers.
After fretting over the damage using fuel to travel does to the environment and stressing how he walks and bike rides and doesn't even flush his toilet when it's just urine (oooh, the smell of it), Matthews forgets to mention that the Seattle based jammer will be performing July 7th in New York, New York . . . to help the environment. Peddle that bike quickly, Dave, peddle it quickly.
John Legend wants to inform that he reads The Atlantic -- it's the National Review with a bigger vocabulary -- and he wants to "save energy." Meanwhile the man whose ego broke up two super groups, Chris Cornell, wants to play all humble and talk about how "we" have to take the lead on this issue. Why? Well, he was in France and they care about this issue. So since they care and they lead, the natural thing for Cornell is to insist the US take control. Our imperialist proselytizer, Chris Cornell, who lost his looks in 1993 and they ain't never coming back. No. No, they're not.
Roger Waters, who has the good sense to at least allude to the illegal war, loses points for his tip: Drink warm beer. Mike D, the surfing Mike D, sees it "right in front of your eyes" but apparently, since 2004's download "World Gone Mad," he hasn't seen coverage of Iraq.
The Partridge Family tackled the environment as well (start with episodes 31 and 94). They never touched on the illegal war in Vietnam (not even when Danny was 'drafted').
So congratulations to our modern day Partridge Family. VH1 wasn't really able to bring them back, but they weren't striking that C'mon Get Happy mood enough apparently. The C'mon Get Happy vibe must be why the laughable and destructive Live 8 is presented so favorably throughout the Rolling Stone article. For reality, read Julie Hollar's "Bono, I Presume? Covering Africa through celebrities" in the new issue of Extra! (May/June 2007, pp. 21-25, Live 8 is addressed specifically on pages 22 and 23).
Now if you've been to a rally to end the illegal war (and no, Modern Day Partridges, 2004 Get Out The Vote For John Kerry concerts aren't rallies to end the illegal war), you are aware that multiple issues can and are addressed. The environment is not an off limits topic at a peace rally. But the Modern Day Partridges are quite happy to make sure that's not the case at an environmental rally. Might not get the fawning, easy press if you actually had something to say, right? Better to keep it safe and easy, that's what made Nina Simone a legend, right, Alicia?
Oh, it's not. No, bravery makes legends. All chicken sh*t results in is the Pathetic Plastiques. But stroke yourselves for doing nothing, year after year, as the illegal war drags on.