Oh, those brave Democrats in the leadership positions in the House and Senate!
They're postively manly! Even the women!
Not afraid to let their war flag fly.
Even 4 years after the illegal war began.
We love photo-ops!
Who needs action when you have photo-ops!
We learned a lot from the photo-ops.
Like . . .
Harry Reid is apparently rhythmically challenged. There's got to be a cure or at least a support group.
Nancy Pelosi doesn't like the cheek bones she was born with. She doesn't think they're prominent enough. That's why she sucks them in tight when she smiles. If she'll open her jaws while she's doing that, let the insides be pulled in over the teeth and naw repeatedly, she could, like an actress friend of C.I.'s, make the cheeks even more prominent by making the skin inside the mouth thinner. Sounded crazy to us but if Pelosi's worried about it, we're here to assist.
Assist? We want to enlist!
How cool it must be to be a Democratic Party Hack. You get to do all the important stuff on a campaign, like shake male candidates' hoses at the urinals -- no need for trouser tracks!, and you get to write for supposedly independent magazines. Now if Howie Kurtz forgets to disclose something he's covering, it's boos and hisses time. But if you're a Democratic Party Hack, supposedly independent magazines really don't care. It doesn't matter if you write about a politician whose campaign you worked on it and never disclose that you were campaign staff.
And writing? It's so easy. You just jot down the party's talking points and, BAM, you're in print.
You know how the left sometimes complains about the revolving door between press corp and White House? Tony Snow's only the most recent example. Well, if you are a Democratic Party Hack, the rules don't apply. You can work on Ned Lamont's Senate campaign (after he wins the primary) and you can go back to 'reporting.' You can work on a governor's campaign and brag about him and his campaign's wonderful excercise in tricking voters and nary a peep from your supposed employers.
The idea that there shouldn't be a revoling door only apparently applies to the right wing. And why not? Corruption only happens to the right! Democratic Party Hacks writing for supposedly independent magazines are independent just because the magazine claims to be. Besides, James Carville and Paul Begala aren't going to live forever -- someone's going to have replace them.
Being a butt smoocher to the Democratic Party means your outlets aren't even concerned when you call people conspiracy theorists just for noting what a respected poli-sci professor noted or what was reported in many major media outlets.
Your outlets appreciate your efforts to clamp down on People Power. They love you for all your efforts to put the people in their place.
The people can get a little uppity and start thinking they have some say in the running of this country -- what do they think this is, a democracy? -- and your employers love it when you tell them to shut up and root for the Democratic Party, or when you take a real tone (and start reaching for allusions you really can't grasp) with the readers, or when you write a column where you refer to the Democrats in the House as "we."
It's really obvious that it is easy to love the Democratic Party blindly. All you have to do is ask WWPHD? -- What Would Party Hack Do?
When the Bully Boy was talking about escalation, the Democratic Party couldn't come up with anything besides non-binding, symbolic resolutions.
Now each house has passed a new one and that's called "trend."
It's nothing to be alarmed about. We're sure symbolic measures mean more than anything else in the world. If we had the choise, in fact, we'd rather be paid in symbolic money.
Well maybe we wouldn't go that far.
But Symbol Man, yeah! So much cooler than Burning Man and none of those irriating people around.
And besides, we sing "Walking on MoveOn's good side, I was walking on MoveOn's good side, MoveOn's good side." (To the tune of Laura Nyro's "Lu.")
Life is good when you're a faux populist. Life is damn good.
The only real cost is all the Chapstick you have to apply before kissing another set of buns.
Be a faux populist and/or fetch a dyanamite cup of coffee and you can write your own ticket -- work on some campaigns, work in socalled indepenent media.
It's a great life, great life.
And the Democratic Party is so happy to fax you the daily points. If you do a good enough job pimping, they'll even script your after hours sex scenes for you.