Hey there, pretty girl in the mirror. Wooh-hoo, you are looking good, baby, looking good! Screw Doris Roberts, you are beautiful!
Today is your day!
The sixties are back and you are so all over them!
Three cans of hairspray this morning on that lovely hair. Screw Pantene, you were always a Suave girl.
And now you're bringing back the sixites!
The good parts.
Like the John Birch Society.
And polyester! You are so bringing back polyester!
You go, girl, you go!
You can wear stretchy polyster, white, and coo "Happy Birthday" to the Bully Boy. He's your Bully! He's a Bully just like you are!
Who has more fun than you on a set? Throwing tantrums and screaming at everyone! You rock! You rule!
You are the Anita Bryant of today!
You've taken on the Terry Schiavo issue. So what if America was against you? Rush loves you. Hannity loves you.
It got you a part in the most talked about mini-series of the year!!!!!
Now you gotta peddle the wares again and what better way than to come out against that hideous Michael J. Fox? His Alex Keaton may have fooled a lot of people, but not you, never you.
Your agent said, "Patty, you have no friends in this town, you can't act, you're pudgy and ugly, you're wrinkled and your voice is irritating."
What does he know!!! F**king moron!
You're PATRICIA GOD**MN HEATON!
You're already booked for the 2008 G.O.P. convention!
You're stylish! You're important! You're beautiful, baby!
Everybody Loves Patricia!
You'll be back on TV in your own sitcom in no time. That's what Roger Ailes says! And he never lies!
And this time, no stupid Ray Romano droning on and on, no Doris Roberts trying to upstage me. It'll be my show!
America loves me! The good parts at least!