Missing all the high camp that Prison Break regularly provides, Vainshed largely just sort of lays there, untouched, like the fourth dish of green bean casserole brought to a Thanksgiving dinner -- the one with the contents of a can of mushroom soup looking gelled and as though they've just been dumped on top.
Vanished currently follows Prison Break on Fox Mondays and we think it's one of the better titled shows of the fall lineup. Many more episodes like the series debut and Fox can write the audience for this hybrid off as "Vanished" as well.
Here's the plot, Sara Collins (played by Joanne Kelly) is married to US Senator Jeffrey Collins (played by John Allen Nelson) and right away you've got the first problem. The Senate has "Jim"s (Jeffords, DeMint, Bunning, Talent), "Joe"s (Joe Biden and Joe Lieberman), and "Jeff"s (Jeff Sessions and Jeff Bingham) but "Jeffrey"? Isn't it all a little too high hat?
Sara and Jeffrey have a young child. And?
That's really it. Sara's gone so fast, "vanished," and the audience is supposed to care. Joanne Kelly is no Gene Tierney and Vanished is no Laura. So don't expect to hear Judy Garland on the soundtrack singing "After You've Gone."
Instead, expect a show that will offer pieces of the puzzle bit by bit -- such as the second half of the premiere when we learn that Sara "vanished" once before, years ago. Expect to see characters pop up that you know litte about and care for even less.
Fresh off Queer As Folk, Gale Harold plays FBI agent Graham Kelton who's supposed to be 'haunted' in the way Clint Eastwood was during In The Line Of Fire but comes off more like the bumbler Kevin Costner played in The Bodyguard. In a flashback, that has nothing to do with Sara Collins, Graham remembers a kidnapping 'rescue' that went poorly. How poorly? The victim died and, quite honestly, the fact that no one considered what might happen to a child wired with explosives after you shot the man (kidnapper) whose grip on a device was preventing the bombs from exploding demonstrates extreme incompetence.
Graham has a right be haunted -- although nothing Harold conveys onscreen leaves us with the impression his character is. He never manages to locate the character which may make him perfect for a show set in Atlanta despite the fact that none of the characters have southern accents. Translation, it has as much business being set in Atlanta as Mork & Mindy had in being set in Boulder.
Equally hard to locate was Ming Na who plays FBI agent Lin Mei . . . when she was onscreen. Na demonstrated on ER that she had more to offer than a pretty face so it's surprising how little she was utilized in the pilot (she was a glorified extra). If there was quality acting from the rest of the cast, Na's absence might have been less noticeable but, as one boring never-was after another proved why they never became a household name, you couldn't help but notice that Na was sidelined.
The only one who held your attention was Rebecca Gayheart. She's playing reporter Judy Nash and, like a Nash skateboard, she zips along. She's a whirlwind. Whether showing more nude breast than network TV usually tries to get away with or simply filling the screen with her face, she holds your attention. The role, as written, is a bargain basement version of Faye Dunaway's Diana from Network. There's even a rip-off of Diana's infamous sex scene (though we're told it was intended as a 'homage') which, on Vanished, includes Gayheart stopping the sex play to grab the remote when the news comes out that Sara Collins has vanished.
Gayheart's on the phone screaming that it's her story and, in those brief moments, you remember that someone was actually kidnapped. Gayheart's performance (in a poorly written role) actually wakes you up and leaves you with the impression that the show has finally found its footing but those hopes are dashed quickly as the focus returns to the mope squad.
Has a sorrier collection of actors ever filled out an hour show? We're having trouble recalling one. In future episodes, there is talk of some sparks between Gayheart's Judy and Harold's Graham. If that happens, or if they can remember that Ming Na is actually a genuine actress, there might be some hope for the show.
As it stands now, you've got a show about a kidnapped victim you don't care about, her husband
you don't care about, an FBI agent you don't care about (Graham) and one you hardly see (Lin Mei), a lot of walk-on roles which appear to be cast solely on whether or not they could blend into the scenery (in that they succeed) and not much more.
Graham's personal drama (think the flashback) makes his motive all about rescuing Sara Collins. Judy Nash is the only one who seems aware that a crime has taken place. She's like America, waking up to the fact that they were lied into an illegal war and wanting to know how and who.
The fact that she plays a reporter indicates to you that it's TV since, in real life, reporters are more prone to whine than investigate.
Take M.J. Andersen who penned "The media are ruining this country!" (The Providence Journal) about being pestered with media criticism after revealing her profession. From Anderson's laughable column:
And yet journalists, The Talk holds, have failed.
"Where's the outrage?" That's where The Talk usually ends.
Anyone who gives you The Talk is usually well-meaning, and genuinely disturbed about where the country is headed.
And it is true that the media are sometimes irresponsible -- even appallingly so. But not all news organizations deserve an equal helping of criticism.
[. . .]
Reporters generally are horrified. Like terriers, they are happiest when digging. But digging takes time -- and bodies. You cannot throw three people at 30 issues and hope to find out much.
For these kinds of developments, the media have much to answer for.
As for the rest, though, I fear others are on the hook. Aside from Cindy Sheehan and her ilk, Americans have been notably passive through the Bush years. And they have not always made the best effort to keep themselves informed.
Meanwhile, the Democrats have proved an ineffective opposition party, offering little more than token resistance to the Bush juggernaut. Timid, outnumbered, and wary of looking unpatriotic, they only occasionally do outrage.
[. . .]
The true source of all the frustration is not really the media. It is the Bush administration itself.
Nothing embarrasses these people. Not even the most damaging revelation -- or the most adverse court ruling -- will get them to change course. This White House trundles self-righteously along, declaring every disaster an accomplishment.
No, Anderson, a true source of the frustration is the cowed media. Hiding behind what the Democrats did or did not do is a weak excuse since, unlike Democratic Congress members, reporters are not required to be the opposition, merely to report the truth. Michael Kinsely made a fool of himself for refusing to cover the Downing Street Memos and then offering up an attack piece (on readers who wanted it covered) wherein he opined that there was nothing new in the memos because everyone already knew the lies of war.
Did Anderson write of the Downing Street Memos? Did she write of John Conyers Jr.'s actions to call for accountability? From the editorial board, did she advocate that others pursue it? Anderson's perched atop her high horse and, the truth is, it's a Shetland pony. Even so, Anderson didn't pen the most thought-free piece last week. That 'honor' goes to another 'journalist': Andrea Grimes who informed readers of New Times media's The Dallas Observer:
Most of us also don't spend a lot of time really thinking about what's going on in the Middle East. Who's got time to worry about civilian casualties when Grey's Anatomy is on? I've shed more tears over Meredith Grey's relationship with Dr. McDreamy than I have over the fact that thousands have died overseas. Does that make me a bad person?
To answer her question, it certainly makes her a bad journalist -- one who is disconnected from the world around her. Fortunately, at New Times (yes, we know it changed it's name, it's still the same crappy syndicate) bad journalism flourishes and 'reporters' are rewarded for slam-jobs on Cindy Sheehan as well as for 'confessions' that are so embarrassing they really should take place only in a tribunal of penance where a priest can quickly advise that an Act of Contrition be recited.
But that's the reality of today's journalism. However trashy, the character of Judy Nash reaches far higher than many in the actual working press do today.
Which left us wondering if really bad TV is the only place left to push the idea of a reporter really tearing into a story, working to get a scoop? If so, that says a great deal about the state of reporting today (and probably far more than a dopey column by Prairie Gal Anderson). On Vanished, we start with people aware that something has happened and a reporter is quickly on the trail, determined to unearth all the details. With today's reporters far more interested in dissecting military strategy than exposing the lies that led to war, the ideal of journalism (as opposed to today's reality) may exist only on bad TV.
Vanished? Viewers may not be polite as family and friends gathered at Thanksgiving who assure that the unappetizing green bean casserole looks 'tasty' but they've already filled up on other items. Instead, they may just vanish without bothering to toss off a false compliment on their way out.