Sunday, July 30, 2006

Humor Spotlight: Wally and Cedric note a re-recording of "You've Got A Friend" with new lyrics

 
 
THIS JUST IN!
 
ERIC ALTERMAN GETS A REWRITE!
 
THIS WEEK PROFESSIONAL FOP AND ETERNAL JOKE ERIC ALTERMAN TOOK TIME OUT FROM ARGUING WITH SLATE LONG ENOUGH TO DASH OFF AN E-MAIL PROVING WHAT A "MANLY MAN" HE IS.
 
AS WITH MOST ATTEMPTS BY ERIC ALTERMAN TO PROVE HIS "MANHOOD" THIS ONE CAME UP SHORT.
 
WHAT IT DID ACCOMPLISH WAS ALLOW HIM TO YET AGAIN GIVE A WAR WEARY COUNTRY MUCH LAUGHTER. 
 
 
SHAKES THE CLOWN ALTERMAN WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN AS HE RUSHED TO CLAIM CREDIT (SINGLE-HANDEDLY HE ALL BUT GUSHED -- ERIC WHERE WAS THAT OTHER HAND!  WAIT -- DON'T TELL US!) FOR A CORRECTION IN THE ECONOMIST AND FALSELY CLAIMED TO HAVE DEFENDED "SUSAN [SONTAG] UP AND DOWN" WHILE APPARENTLY FORGETTING PAGE 201 OF HIS OWN LOUSY BOOK WHERE HE CALLED THE ESSAY SUSAN SONTAG WAS TRASHED FOR WRITING QUOTE: "OBJECTIONABLE." 
 
"OBJECTIONABLE"?  FOR GOD'S SAKE, ERIC ALTERMAN, WEREN'T YOU FRIENDS WITH HER?
 
IN HONOR OF FRIENDS WHO TURN OUT NOT TO BE REAL FRIENDS,
WORD IS THAT A FAMOUS TUNE WRITTEN BY CAROLE KING AND RECORDED BY ARTISTS INCLUDING ROBERTA FLACK & DONNY HATHAWAY, AS WELL AS JAMES TAYLOR, HAS BEEN REWRITTEN IN ALTERMAN'S HONOR.
 
IN A BULLY BOY PRESS & CEDRIC'S BIG MIX EXCLUSIVE, WE PROVIDE YOU WITH THE ALTERMAN-ED LYRICS TO THE NEWLY DUBBED "YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN."
 
 
WHEN YOU'RE DOWN AND TROUBLED
AND YOU NEED SOME LOVING CARE
I WILL, I WILL TAKE DELIGHT
CLOSE YOUR EYES ON THE FIRING SQUAD
AND SOON I WILL BE THERE
TO DARKEN UP EVEN YOUR BRIGHTEST NIGHTS
YOU JUST CALL OUT MY NAME
I MAY PLAY THE SILENT GAME
OR I MAY START BURNING
BURNING YOU AGAIN
WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER AND ALL
I LOVE TO SEE YOU FALL
YES, I'LL BE THERE, YES I WILL
YOU'VE GOT NO FRIEND
YEAH, YOU'VE GOT NO FRIEND
YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN
YOU'VE GOT AN ALTERMAN
 
 
THE TRACK WAS DUE TO BE RELEASED TUESDAY; HOWEVER, IT FEATURES A GUEST RAP THAT NO ONE CAN DECIPHER THAT FEATURES LOUD EXPLOSIVE SOUNDS -- APPARENTLY THE GUEST RAPPER WAS LISPING AND THE EXPLOSIONS COME FROM SPIT HITTING THE MICROPHONE. 
 
THE ARTISTS ARE CURRENTLY IN TALKS WITH THE LABEL TO GET A REAL RAPPER TO RECORD A NEW RAP FOR THE SURE TO BE NUMBER ONE SINGLE.
 
 
Chaos and violence continue.  And, as Peter Spiegel and Julian E. Barnes (Los Angeles Times) observe: "Bush's decision to increase the number of U.S. troops in violence-racked Baghdad has forced commanders to extend the tours of 3,500 soldiers and appears to eliminate prospects for significant withdrawals of American forces this year."
 
And as the US administration prepares to extend the tours of duty of 3,5000 soldiers (who were due to leave Iraq), Hassan Abdul Zahra (AFP) reports that Abdel Azia Hakim (Shi'ite leader; head of Supreme Council of the Islamic Revolution in Iraq) declared in a speech today that the security of Iraq should be left to Iraqis. Zahra also quotes Mahmud Mahdi al-Sumaidaie (iman and Sunni Muslim Scholars Association member) saying: "The US occupiers are responsible for what is going on with the violence and destruction -- they are the ones controlling the security file."  This as John Tully (Colonel, commander of the 4th Infantry Division's 2nd Brigade) informs reporters that in the Shi'ite section "south of Baghdad" attacks on US troops have incresed "by about 25 percent".
 
In another sign of how bad things are on the ground in Iraq, new "security" measures are being taken by individuals.  At the start of this month, Terry McCarthy (ABC -- America) reported on how fake identification sells for the US equivalent of ten and fifteen dollars and many Iraqis are puchasing them to reduce risk to their lives at checkpoints and noted: "Now many Iraqis carry two IDs in their pockets and will produce one or the other, depending on who is asking for it."   Now Antonio Castaneda (AP) reports a swap greater than IDs: "Fearing sectarian death squads, Iraqis are trading homes with trusted friends from the other sect, surrounding themselves with those who share their faith but creating segregated neighborhoods increasingly wary of one other."  Castaneda is reporting from Nasser Wa Salaam but notes the problem is not confined to that one location.
 
 
 
Bombings?
 
AFP reports  the bombing of a Shia shrine "to Imam Askar between the towns of Balad Ruz and Mandalay".  This as Reuters notes four are dead in Baghdad from a mortar attack on a Sunni mosque while a roadside bom wounded two police officers in Baquba.  AP notes that the Sunni mosque bombing in Baghdad has left nine wounded.  
 
 
And KUNA reports: "Iraqi police source added an improvised bomb exploded in one of the patrolling police vehicles on the main street of Kirkuk, while a similar attack targeted Multi-National Force (MNF) vehicle on the way to Kirkuk."
 
If the police source is correct, that's a new development -- bombs planted in cars of unsuspecting drivers. 
 
Shootings?
 
In Kirkuk, KUNA reports the shooting death of an Iraqi soldier.  In addition to that shooting, AFP also notes the Kirkuk shooting deaths ofa police officer "and a bystander"; two shot dead in Tikrit; and "a train station official" shot in Baiji. 
 
In addition, KUNA notes that "a security personnel from the Al-Qadisya area close to Kirkuk power statiion" was kidnapped.
 
 
In Australia, the inquiry into the April 21st death of Jake Kovco in Baghdad continues.  Australia's ABC reports that "a Lance Corporal" has informed the inquriy that Kovco was "reprimanded twice for misuing his pistol during his deployment in Iraq."  Whether or not the witness can affirm to two times should be in doubt because the second incident finds the "Lance Corporal" saying he's 'aware' of it as opposed to knowing it or witnessing.  At any rate, the "Lance Corporal" has offered that Jake Kovco was reprimanded for "pointing his pistol at the torso of another soldier" which would probably be pertinent if Jake Kovco were accues of killing one of his roommates. As
"Lance Corporal" (or "Soldier Four") makes the news with his statements, Tracy Ong (News.com) covers what everyone else seems to have missed:  "But other statements tendered yesterday were at odds with Soldier 4's recollection, many saying they had never seen Kovco playing 'quick draw' -- pulling a pistol out of its holster as quickly as possible -- or mishandling his weapons. One corporal from 3RAR said he had never had to 'pull Private Kovco up on his weapon handling'." 
 
On April 29th, Damien Murphy, Phillip Coorey, Ed O'Loughlin, Tom Allard and Cynthia Banaham (Sydney Morning Herald) reported: "Private Jacob Kovco grew up with guns. They were part of everyday life in his small home town of Briagolong in the Victorian high country. Come April each year, the four-wheel-drive vehicles from Melbourne would roar through the hamlet late on a Friday night on their way to bush camps in the nearby foothills for the start of the deer hunting season."
 
In peace news, Honolulu's KITV reports that a demonstration of support was held last night at Kalani High School for Ehren Watada -- the first commissioned military officer known to refuse deployment to Iraq. Showing their support for Watada (who faces an Article 32 hearing August 17th to determine whether or not a court martial is in order) were the Japanese American Citizen's League of Hawaii, the American Friends Service Committee "and others at the Nagasaki Peace Bell near City Hall" --
including: "Hawaii People's Fund, Code Pink Hawaii, Progressive Democrats of Hawaii, Veterans for Peace, World Can't Wait and Not in Our Name."  Gregg K. Kakesako (Honolulu Star-Bulletin) reports that "Watada has again offer to resign his commisson from the Army and is willing to accept any type of administrative punishment in place of court martial" including "a reprimand, fine and reduction in rank".  Watada's attorney, Eric Seitz, tells Kakesako that this is the third time the offer has been made (it was refused twice prior).  Courage to Resist and ThankYouLt.org are calling for a "National Day of Education" August 16th, the day before Ehren Watada is due to "face a pre-trial hearing for refusing to deploy to Iraq." ThankYouLt.Org notes: "On August 16, the day prior to the hearing, The Friends and Family of Lt. Ehren Watada are calling for a 'National Day of Education' to pose the question, 'Is the war illegal?' This day can also serve to anchor a 'week of outreach' leading up to the pre-trial hearing."
 
In The Fifth Book of Peace, Maxine Hong Kingston writes: "During war, mothers dream this dream: she -- mother -- is winged, and flies, swooping down upon the son, the brother, soldier, criminal in danger, and picks him up by the straps of his overalls or by his belt, or catches him up in her arms, and flies him high and away.  Unable to fly, she would go to the war in her son's place.  She would go ahead of him, walk point herself."
 
With news of the September events in DC, David Swanson (American Chronicle) reports that Camp Democracy sets up September 5th with many activities and, among many worthy goals, the intent to build "toward the International Day of Peace on September 21".  Swanson notes that Cindy Sheehan "will come to Camp Democracy following Camp Casey (Aug. 16 - Sept. 2 in Crawford Texas)". 
 
Sheehan is currently participating in CODEPINK's Troops Home Fast.  It is day 25 of the Troops Home Fast action with over 4,350 people fasting to the end the war all over the world.  The AP reports that Diane Wilson has thus far lost "20 pounds from her 170-pound frame" while taking part in the fast. Of fasting, Wilson states: "Ghandi always called it 'soul power' because it's got a real spiritual component to it."
 
 

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